Please read this and help me out

[Johnnycash]

First of all, my name is Mike, I'm 21 years old, and i need some help regarding my relationship with this girl. Please submit a serios answer, cause i'm in a very weird situation, and that is why i am asking for different opinions before i take some action.

So, let us begin.

OK, like i said before I'm 21 years old, and i'm with this girl since i was 16, that would be like 4 and something years. This girl came into my life when my mother died, and it seems at that time i gave her all my love etc. Our relationship since then it has suffered alot of nasty shit, like : We broke several times, she cheated twice. I don't know from where i had the power to forgive and moove on with her. Recently, like about 9 or 10 months we've been living together, and thats where the bad things inside my head have started to happen. During the first months, everything was realy good, but in the last three months i am realy fixated on the ideea of a breakup, and a permanent one. Lets say for example; the sexual attraction towards her has dissapeared, she annoyes me with everything she says, I cant stand even the word "i love you" anymore. I thing is i dont want to sound like an asshole, but this whole situation is getting on my nerves and my life is quite unplesant. I want to breakup with her but as all of you might know, it is difficult.

So....cand anyone help me on this? any advice on what is going on, or what should i do to end this story in a peaceful way, or can i make her breakup with me?

I hope your answers are serios, please dont make fun of this story and give me hand.

Cheers

[skeeziix]

Well, all break-ups are hard to do. I know you probably have some part of you that still cares for her or it wouldn't be so hard to let her go. I would tell you the only appropriate thing you can do is sit her down and tell her face to face exactly what you are thinking and feeling. You guys have been together for how long she deserves at least your honesty. It is going to be tough for you but it is the man thing to do. Tell her that she needs to move out or you need to move out whomever it would be easiest on, and proceed to do so. After the breakup you both will want to contact each other because there is going to be a missing part that was filled by the other person, especially in a relationship so long... But you both need to remain strong and move on. If you contact each other all you are going to do is perpetuate the situation and start a pattern of back and forth, which is not healthy for either one of you. I wish you luck!

[bulrush]

It sounds like you are still upset about something, like your mom's death, so you need her at some level. But she has broken your trust at least twice, which I think has you somewhat resentful. I don't see a reason to continue with her, as she is not really helping you grow as a person and reach your potential.

I rarely say couples should break up, but you seem so upset by her, that you need to get away from her. I think you can find someone better for you, that will give you what you need. I know it's hard, but you have to date 10 girls before you find a really good one. Keep that in mind.

You need to be strong when you two break up. I hope only you are on the lease, for Pete's sake. That makes it simpler to kick her out. Give her time to find an apartment, though, like 30 days.

[Johnnycash]

First of all: I am greatfull for your fast replies. They seem to tell the truth, especialy bulrush's. The thing is, she dosent even suspect that there is something wrong with us. She is living in her own world, where everything is perfect, and i cant say it's wrong. But let me tell you something about me. Without praising myslef, I've had my share of women , but one of the main reasons for this breakup is that i want to be left alone, no realationship of any sort for a long time......well ok, maybe something fizical every now an then, but with other girls , not with her, but the main thing is that i want to be bachelor in order to fullfil what i want in life. And it's no need for her to leave the apartament. I can return to my home town. Any other advice, or anything? Is this normal? or am I going insane (let me specify the fact, that i am a very spiritual person, not with god or other religion.......youget what i'm saying)

Thank you, and i await for replies

[Keating1000]

Bit of a weird question, but where do you see yourself in 10years?

Do you see yourself as a family man, a nice house, a dog, a couple of kids? If so, is your current girlfriend there with you? Is she your loving wife and loving mother of your children?

If you dont see her in that vision, and even the thought of spending the next month with her seems horrible you just need to break up with her.

I find it sensitive to talk about it, but the death of your mother seems to play a big part here. Maybe, subconsciously, you feel like your girlfriend is trying to replace your mother in respect to love and companionship. I dont want to bore you with paragraphs of Freud(sorry, but i'm an under-grad psychology student) but this happens sometimes. But the mere coincident that the death of your mother and the introduction of this girl could suggest a million things.

Moreover, you really need to assess the previous break ups. What were they over? Do you forgive her for cheating on you, twice?


She sounds like a bad egg, just rememeber that we're here to give advice. We're not qualified relationship experts. You need to follow your gut feeling, that is th eonly way you will get peice of mind.

If you do decide to break up, talk about it with her in advance, so you both have some chance to find somewhere else to stay.

Hope this helped, keep us updated

[Johnnycash]

I will bring fresh news tomorow, thank you all for everything...keep in touch

[Johnnycash]

Hello again

So, here's some news. Right after i posted the last message on this forum, I started having a talk with her about what we want in life, profesionaly speaking. An i told her that in a few months i will return to my home town, and start working on what i want to do. After i have told her all these things, she started having a weird behavior, like being scared of us breaking appart. I didnt bring in discussion the fact that i want to break up with her. She keeps telling me that she dosent see us without each other, and she is sure that we will age together. My plan is that I want time to take care of everything, that distance will eventualy do the work for me. Let me specify that there are about three years before she will be able to return home (we are from the same town), and I hope she realizes that i dont want to continue.

What do you guys thnik? Did i do good?

Please give me an answer.

Thank you

[skeeziix]

If you don't want to be with her don't, it isn't fair to string her along if you can stand her and don't want anything to do with her... if that is really how you feel