attracting the wrong men?

[Leona77]

[QUOTE]i just doubt i'm good enough for the cool ones because rubbish approaches me thats all.[/QUOTE

Stop doubting! You ARE good enough!

Rubbish approaches everyone. You can't control that. You can only control what happens after they approach you. Weed the good ones from the bad ones and continue searching if rubbish is all you're left with.It is not easy to find the right person so be patinet. THAT is why some people are single- because they wait for the person with the right qualities to come along instead of panicking.

Jerks and players have approached me too. Not because I am only worth jerks, but because they probably don't care who they approach or don't even think about it when they do it. Whatever their reasons, who cares!!!??? It's not my fault, it's their problem! Just move on and be positive!

[andstuff]

Why do you need other people to define you? Who cares what THEY think? Why are you offended by someone you don't even know for approaching you. Maybe they have higher self-esteem than you and think they are just as good as youself. They might even think they are better than you . YOu mmight not agree, but they still can think that and there is nothing you can do about it. You can only change what YOU think of yourself.

well, a poor woman will not even approach a louis vuitton bag, right? because she knows she can't afford it.

Sorry, but I could not disagree more. I can perfectly live my life without mad mutual dependency. Sure, it would be great to find the love of my life and live happily ever after, but if it doesn't happen I won't think that it's because I'm not worth it, that's for sure! I call it picky, careful about whom you entrust your feelings to & patient as opposed to desperate.

If this is what you think, decent men can smell it from a mile & they'll run as fast as they can! Don't be surprised if desperate guys cling to you because you happen to have the same opinion of one self and share same values!
Nobody can love you until you learn how to love youself. I am sure you are a genuine, great girl, so just make sure you believe it too.

dear god, who gave you the idea i'm desperate and stuff?

i had an insanely beautiful affair with one of my lovers, and it was actually like that, grace in the air, universe vibrating.

as for mutual dependency, "people were made to need each other, but they never learned even that", as petra von kant said

what i'm saying is there are things that are only available to lovers, there's no point in convincing oneself otherwise.

[Leona77]

well, a poor woman will not even approach a louis vuitton bag, right? because she knows she can't afford it.

And how is this relevant?I am a little intrigued by how you compare things that can be bought with money to people and relationships. Plese elaborate.

dear god, who gave you the idea i'm desperate and stuff?

your postings

[andstuff]

Oh, the irony!

So: What is not decent about yourself, andstuff that you're still on the market this long?
Where are you meeting these (In your opinion) old, washed up losers that gravitate to you?

ah well, i have only been on the market for what, a 3-4 months??? that's not long. before that i was in love.

the only man twice my age that ever made a move at me was supercool, a university intellectual, hyper-attractive, girls swarming around him, but he's still what? twice my age - a bad investment, obviously.

also, answering your question, i am not in theatre arts

And how is this relevant?I am a little intrigued by how you compare things that can be bought with money to people and relationships. Plese elaborate.

well, people are not all equal. some are more desirable, some are less desirable. there are categories of "desirability", perhaps? there is a nice expression "out of one's league", would be super-relevant!

[bulrush]

Another easy target for crappy dudes:
* Women who only like shallow traits. Because it's easy for men to act and give women shallow traits. The "real deal" takes real work.

Let's think this through. So the guys that repel you are:

1. Dependable
2. Average looking
3. Loving, kind
4. Good listeners
5. Average talkers
6. Faithful

None of these were on your list above, so these traits must repel you. Is that right?

Andstuff, please explain how these traits lead to a long-lasting, fulfilling, non-dysfunctional, healthy relationship.

1. Charismatic
2. Fun
3. Popular
4. Good looking

The traits above are all entertaining. But they don't do much for a long-term relationship. Once the honeymoon period is over, what keeps the relationship going? Nothing. On this forum, most of us give advice to support a long-lasting relationship. If you just want short fling after fling with gorgeous, shallow men, just say that.

[Wakeup]

ah well, i have only been on the market for what, a 3-4 months??? that's not long. before that i was in love.

the only man twice my age that ever made a move at me was supercool, a university intellectual, hyper-attractive, girls swarming around him, but he's still what? twice my age - a bad investment, obviously.

Yes, you likely wouldn't like the competion. At your age it's not a smart thing to be competing with "girls swarming." O.o

[Leona77]

well, people are not all equal. some are more desirable, some are less desirable. there are categories of "desirability", perhaps? there is a nice expression "out of one's league", would be super-relevant!

I don't agree! I am the most desireable person in the world and I deserve only the best. Every guy should be lucky to have me.If they don't - than too bad for them, their loss!

When YOU start to think of yourself like this, that's when you will attract the same kind of people.

[andstuff]

Yes, you likely wouldn't like the competion. At your age it's not a smart thing to be competing.

listen, i didn't start this thread to show off, but since you brought it up - well, it was flattering to be singled out, and to have been singled out for like what? two years? it is a weird thing going on, and he still totally loses the plot with me around.

I don't agree! I am the most desireable person in the world and I deserve only the best. Every guy should be lucky to have me.If they don't - than too bad for them, their loss!

When YOU start to think of yourself like this, that's when you will attract the same kind of people.

well, is this the strategy you use? have you found it efficient? has it actually taken you anywhere? just curious. as for their loss - it's really just a good way of convincing yourself. but still it might be you missing out on someting singular.

[Leona77]

so i have no idea what i should change about myself (outwardly at least)

I did my best to give you the answer to your question...repeatedly!
I rest my case

p.s. It HAS taken me to the wonderful place of 'being happy with myself''

[Wakeup]

listen, i didn't start this thread to show off, but since you brought it up - well, it was flattering to be singled out, and to have been singled out for like what? two years? it is a weird thing going on, and he still totally loses the plot with me around.

Okaaaay... Ya don't need to convince me. You talk a good talk about how wonderful you are but you don't attract the kind of guy that puts you on an emotional roller coaster. You're emotionally immature and dreadfully full of yourself in a rather insecure kind of way. It's quite entertaining to hear you so don't let me stop you. I will however challenge you in your false bravado that manifests as conceit.


You long for a lover that ignored you often but fkd with your well being. I don't need to hear anymore to know what ails you. Once you get over being addicted to drama, you'll find someone that is more than a lover and screwer of minds like the last guy that you long for in your misguided way.

[andstuff]

Another easy target for crappy dudes:
* Women who only like shallow traits. Because it's easy for men to act and give women shallow traits. The "real deal" takes real work.

Let's think this through. So the guys that repel you are:

1. Dependable
2. Average looking
3. Loving, kind
4. Good listeners
5. Average talkers
6. Faithful

None of these were on your list above, so these traits must repel you. Is that right?

Andstuff, please explain how these traits lead to a long-lasting, fulfilling, non-dysfunctional, healthy relationship.

1. Charismatic
2. Fun
3. Popular
4. Good looking

The traits above are all entertaining. But they don't do much for a long-term relationship. Once the honeymoon period is over, what keeps the relationship going? Nothing. On this forum, most of us give advice to support a long-lasting relationship. If you just want short fling after fling with gorgeous, shallow men, just say that.

you didn't answer my first question. why should i give my good looks to someone whos average looking? is there a reason? in exchange for what? maybe they should not be superficial and look for someone with a good soul?

okay, what i want is someone i like physically and emotionally compatible, i.e. with "a corkscrew in the heart" like myself. i've seen people who crave for intensity but just have no idea what it is nor any chance of ever feeling it, quite pitiable to be honest. without intensity there's no point for me, i just thought it should be stage 2. as for myself, i am tons of fun when in a good mood (i.e. nearly always at parties).

You long for a lover that ignored you often but fkd with your well being. I don't need to hear anymore to know what ails you. Once you get over being addicted to drama, you'll find someone that is more than a lover and screwer of minds like the last guy that you long for in your misguided way.

this is quite accurate, i'm just curious how you figured it out?? as for drama see above. insipid life is, well, lame. i don't mind cooking and cleaning but without intensity well i might as well just keep doing this on my own, its half the work required

[Rabbitt]

There's a simple answer and it's because you haven't really met a guy that meets you're criteria and that gives you a run for your money, meaning that you actually have to work your ass of in order to spend a little time with this guy.

I'm also still on the market, i'm not too bad looking if I must say so myself I know I have mad charisma because i've successfully finished marketing school which requires you to be well... charming, I also have alot of friends and we travel to everywhere and we meet new people on the way.
On the other hand I can be a player but I choose not to because it doesn't fit me and I don't feel comfortable being one.


Let me put it this way, you gotta look for the diamond that's in the mud pool. You've been all over the mud already so you know it's gross and you've already stated here that you don't like the mud (the ugly boring guys) you know where the diamonds are (the good looking nice guy) but you refuse to take it because currently you are stuck in well,,, the mud.

DIG YOURSELF OUT THERE LOL

[Wakeup]

this is quite accurate, i'm just curious how you figured it out?? as for drama see above. insipid life is, well, lame. i don't mind cooking and cleaning but without intensity well i might as well just keep doing this on my own, its half the work required

I have a friend who was unfortunate enough to fall in love with someone who is Boarderline Personality Disordered and sadly enough.. You sound just like her. Tell us, have you ever been in any kind of therapy?

[andstuff]

I have a friend who was unfortunate enough to fall in love with someone who is Boarderline Personality Disordered and sadly enough.. You sound just like her. Tell us, have you ever been in any kind of therapy?

what for? my emotions are part of my personality, why should i twist myself into living without them? what would a shrink tell me? to learn to appreciate dumb plump loyal emotionless but uber-reliable professionals who will pay the bills and take the responsibility? to pay money to be told that crap, well, i can't afford it anyway.

even though i have to add that me and my last lover, well, we nearly drove each other mad even after we stopped seeing each other completely. we totally lived in an imaginary world, this is how it was. and i knew he thought i was some magical thing, he sort of worshiped me in his kind of way. i have never been treated like that by anyone else. he was not quite right, btw, had to get over the death of a friend and took something mid-altering or other. and me, well, schizophrenia runs in the family, but i don't have anything more serious than MD, for sure (MD is what i've lived with for ages, since i was a teen i guess)

[andstuff]

A BPD'erd troll. Great, welcome aboard.

But in this particular case I am not a troll, honestly. In fact, I'm not really a troll at all