problems attracting

[thehauntedrose]

hey all,
i am a newbie here but the problem i am isn't new at all.
I am 21, straight male living in the UK and i seem to have a little bit of a problem.
Well to be blunt, first of all, I have trouble attracting |(gaining attention) to myself when i am out.
I am a shy guy and i have always been single due to having trouble gaining attention.
Due to my shyness i find it very hard to look at the opposite sex in the eyes because i get very nervous.
Whenever i go out i try and dress up (being a male that means clean jeans, shirt, etc) and put some spray on to make myself smell nice. However no luck my two best friends get all the attention.
I am a quiet guy but i do have my moments but i find talking to women or ttracting them very difficult plus i don't know the signs.
Need help. I don't want to be lonely anymore
x
ps. i am very caring i try to make people laugh and i am NOT looking for sex but a serious relationship

[DoesntMatter]

ps. i am very caring i try to make people laugh and i am NOT looking for sex but a serious relationship

Well that might be part of your problem. I can't attract women either so I am not qualified to give you advice. So when you read what I have to say remember that.

First off, if you are not funny, don't try to be. I am not funny, so I don't bother with that. You will be better off not making any jokes. I love humor, but this does not mean I am funny. If humor is not one of your assets, don't highlight it.

Try not to be so caring. This might prevent you from acting yourself and becoming too conservative in your attempts to chat up girls. Save your caring for when you have a girlfriend.

You said you are 21, and you aren't looking for sex. The girls your age WILL be looking for sex! Match their desires. Unless you have been castrated, you should have a sex drive too.

The fact that you are already going out socially with your friends and their female friends means you are on the right track. You might want to try loosening up a little with some alcohol and see what happens.

[thehauntedrose]

Well that might be part of your problem. I can't attract women either so I am not qualified to give you advice. So when you read what I have to say remember that.

First off, if you are not funny, don't try to be. I am not funny, so I don't bother with that. You will be better off not making any jokes. I love humor, but this does not mean I am funny. If humor is not one of your assets, don't highlight it.

Try not to be so caring. This might prevent you from acting yourself and becoming too conservative in your attempts to chat up girls. Save your caring for when you have a girlfriend.

You said you are 21, and you aren't looking for sex. The girls your age WILL be looking for sex! Match their desires. Unless you have been castrated, you should have a sex drive too.

The fact that you are already going out socially with your friends and their female friends means you are on the right track. You might want to try loosening up a little with some alcohol and see what happens.

i do have a sex drive but i don't know i don't like it when women get used and i feel if it isn't right for her i am basically becoming what i hate. I do loosen up with alcohol but i still have trouble chatting up women.
I am pretty funny i don't even try sometimes i just say out lous what i think and it always seems to be funny.
I don't want to be caring but i guess i am a sympathiser and understand what people go through and can relate to them.
Anyway i will keep going out with my two friends but they do seem to get the interest and i don't i just want to know what they have that i don't

[DoesntMatter]

You aren't using a woman simply by having sex with her! If she thought you loved her, and you led her to believe this when all you wanted was her body, then you would have used her.

[Steve2004]

uhh, right. coming from a girl now. Do NOT try to be funny if you're not. Like what DoesntMatter said, if you dont have it...dont bring attention to not having it. If you dont want to have sex with girls..dont have sex with girls. A lot of guys aren't looking for sex. It's actually flattering to find a younger guy that's only after that, and a breath of fresh air. But we also have to be realistic...it does get old. If you've ever seen the movie "Waiting"..i picture you to be the guy that has the mental block against peeing in the bathrooms. His problem was simply that he was too nice. Dont be a complete DICK...but..just try not to care so much. Girls dont like guys that are constantly asking if they're okay. Also...if your friends are getting all the attention..i'd suggest finding some new friends to go out with. Be selfish, get some of that attention for yourself, even if that means taking two ugly guys.

I'm also going to have to disagree with MrGamma...acting like a homo and going nuts...is not a good idea. That's in no way sexy. Maybe if you want sympathy laughs. That definitely wouldn't get me to be in a serious relationship with you.

[DoesntMatter]

If all else fails, you can put forth all your effort at making money. Since you are 21, it might be more difficult for you to do this than someone like myself, who is 18.

Of course you need to know how you want to go about tackling that problem. I'm majoring in organic chemistry for college and will take many biology classes and other premed courses to set myself up for getting into med school. This is the most likely method of starting off with a high salary, become an anesthesiologist or spine surgeon or brain surgeon and start making $500k per year. Invest the first few years of your salaries properly and things will take care of themselves.

Unfortunately this will take many years, and it might be difficult to stay on track if you feel like shit. But it's more than doable.

Also, don't do this ONLY for the money. You need to enjoy the work you do. Organic chemistry appeals to me because there are, of course, tons of reactions left to be discovered. And I would enjoy the challenge of becoming not just a surgeon, but a GOOD surgeon. You need to like what you do.

[vashti]

I think a lot of shyness associated with your age is based on the fact that you haven't earned much confidence yet. Work on developing yourself as a whole person... have interesting hobbies and become very knowledgeable about some interesting topics so you can share your enthusiasm with other people. Get yourself into an interesting profession. This will help to boost confidence in yourself.

Another thing to keep in mind - there are two types of people in the world (at least) - the type that are played with, and those that are kept for serious relationships. There is nothing wrong with being the type of person who attracts more serious-minded women... you will attract *different* sorts of females than your player buddies, but of course, those types of women are fewer and farther between at your age. Be patient.

[beamer]

hey all,
i am a newbie here but the problem i am isn't new at all.
I am 21, straight male living in the UK and i seem to have a little bit of a problem.
Well to be blunt, first of all, I have trouble attracting |(gaining attention) to myself when i am out.
I am a shy guy and i have always been single due to having trouble gaining attention.
Due to my shyness i find it very hard to look at the opposite sex in the eyes because i get very nervous.
Whenever i go out i try and dress up (being a male that means clean jeans, shirt, etc) and put some spray on to make myself smell nice. However no luck my two best friends get all the attention.
I am a quiet guy but i do have my moments but i find talking to women or ttracting them very difficult plus i don't know the signs.
Need help. I don't want to be lonely anymore
x
ps. i am very caring i try to make people laugh and i am NOT looking for sex but a serious relationship

its simple, you are still immature.
Go watch some movies and gain experiences.

PS " do not watch American pie " or get drunk and then talk to girls at a party XD