I think my girlfriend might be cheating or about to cheat on me

[J-UK]

I have been with my girlfriend for 18 months now, but we have known each other and been best friends for over 3 years. I love her more than anything else in the world, and she is always telling me she loves me as well. We have often talked about the future, and she has made it clear in the past that she wants to marry me some day. I get on really well with all her family and friends. On paper, we look like the perfect couple.

We used to live together while studying at University, which was great. At the moment, we both live apart in our hometowns, which are still only 45 minutes down the motorway from each other, and we both drive. In the past few months, we haven't been as close as we were because of this, but we still see each other around 3 days a week, and stay at each others houses when we can. At the moment, I am doing freelance work from home, and she is completing a Uni course in her hometown, which involves her being on a placement.

The issue I have is with another guy that she is on placement with. She talks about him from time to time, and recently has started texting him a lot, more than she texts me. I have seen some of these texts, and some are really flirtatious, which upsets me quite a bit. In these texts, I am never mentioned either, even when we are doing things together. She even had a dream about him, which she told me about. The problem is, she also told him about it, describing it as "exciting". My girlfriend has cheated on her ex in the past, but since we have been together I am sure she hasn't. Her old boyfriend was very controlling, which is exactly what pushed her away, and exactly what I don't want to be like.

She sees him in this placement 3 times a week, but recently he has been tutoring her for an upcoming exam. She tells me that another girl is there too when this is happening, which I believe her about, but I recently read a text where she asked him to meet up for a drink after Uni sometime, though she did state on the text "not in that way". This guy is very much a "player". She has told me he has naked pictures of his ex girlfriends on his phone (which I find very odd and actually quite scary), and boasts that he has slept with 23 women.

Recently, my girlfriend has expressed that I need to spice up our relationship a bit, make it a bit more exciting because it was becoming a bit stale in her eyes. The past few days I have done just that. She also said I don't contact her enough when we are away from each other, and my texts are not long enough. I have made sure in future to text her whenever I can. I'm hoping this might cause her to lose interest in this other guy?

I know many people might say its some kind of trust issue, but honestly I have no problem with her chatting to other guys I know. She can text them all day for all I like because I trust her with them. Its just this one guy I have never met.

I have spoken to her about the issue, and she tells me she doesn't fancy him, but I can't help but feel like she is keeping something from me. As well as this, I don't trust this guy at all. Is it me being paranoid, or is there something possibly happening? I love her more than anything, and I know she loves me too but I just can't help but feel this way. Should I ask her to set up some kind of meeting with him? So we can all go for a coffee or something?

EDIT: I should also note that she has mentioned booking a holiday next year for just the two of us, so she is obviously still thinking long-term about our relationship.

[Lover14]

The fact that she talks to you about this guy gives the impression that nothing will happen between them. She seems very honest and doesn't hide anything. Flirting on texts can be horrible to find, but tbf if she isn't acting on them then it doesn't really matter does it? My boyfriend is insecure about my friendship with one male friend, so i make sure i tell him i love him and talk about what happens when i see this guy, so he can see i have nothing to hide. This sounds like what your gf is doing. If shes talking about your future together still i really wouldn't be worried. And you never know, after her placement she might not even see him that much.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Do not listen to a single word Lover14 just wrote.

I had a 4 month fling with a friend of mine while she was in a 3 year relationship. Even before we started hooking up, she would tell her long distance b/f about me and how much fun she had hanging out with me. He didn't like it one bit, and always got mad at her for going to hang out with me. I too was in a relationship, but a week after I ended w/ my g/f, me and this girl started having sex everyday. She stopped by my apartment on the way to pick her b/f up from the airport to have sex. The next night, she brought her b/f over to my apartment to hang out. We slept together until she graduated and moved back home. This was 3 years ago and they're actually engaged, but it was a drama shitstorm for everyone involved when everything came out. Her b/f was a complete pussy, douchebag though...are you?

Do you see the parallel between the two situations? This girl knew we wouldn't be seeing each other once she graduated, so she figured why not have a fling, while your g/f is on assignment with this guy which I assume is fairly short term.


Her being open with you about him, does not mean she's disclosing everything. She is going to cheat on you if she hasn't already. Break up with her now.

[bulrush]

My girlfriend has cheated on her ex in the past, but since we have been together I am sure she hasn't.

In general, most cheaters will cheat again when things get tough, or another opportunity comes around. So what are you going to do? Make an ultimatum that she stop seeing this guy? Or break up with her?

[Lover14]

Two different opinions.. I won't tell you to ignore what BackUpOrGetStng said, but at the end of the day it all comes down to how much you trust this girl.At the end of they day, if she does cheat, then that's her loss not yours.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, my cheating ex used to pretend to be all honest about his girl 'friends' that he hung out with. He even introduced me to them from time to time. He was sleeping with all of them, and it sucked that they all knew about it and I was the sucker that wanted to trust him when he would talk about us having kids and shit.

[Starkiller]

This pretty much sounds exactly like something that happened to me w/ a girl I was dating. Started talking to a co-worker all the time and texting, and we spent less time together. She said he had a g/f and a kid and she was friends w/ his g/f and all that. Eventually, she said she "needed a break" and they have been dating for 3 years since. As it would turn out, through the power of facebook stalking (lol) he has their anniversary listed on his fb as a date over a month before she broke up w/ me.

I'm just a firm believer in where there's smoke, there's fire.