I meant to post this in the ask Male forum but posted in the general Love forum instead. I apologize for the confusion and double-post. Mods please feel free to delete the other one as you see fit. Thank you*


Hello all.

Before I go into what happened, please allow me to give a brief background as I think it helps paints a more clear picture.

I have known this guy friend for 8 long years. Please note I use the term friend loosely as we're not close plus shortly after we met each other he moved to a different city, so we don't really hang out either.

During the course of our "friendship", we usually just email/text about mindless chatter, nothing serious or too personal. We've always flirted with each other because we are physically attracted to each other; but nothing ever happened because neither of us felt strongly enough to pursue anything. Plus, the fact that we live in two sides of the US makes it even less ideal. We kept in touch on and off throughout the years. I've dated people and so did he (I assume he has, but he never talks about it, so either he didn't have an active dating life or he chose to be private). He's always expressed that he would like to hook up with me but even though I've flirted, but I never expressed the same.

Fast forward to a few months ago. We found out we were going to vacation at the same city (but we were both going with our group of friends, not with each other). Naturally, we decided to hang out because it's been a long time. We went out one evening with our group but managed to find time to meet up with each other and ended up hooking up. He was pretty intoxicated (according to him, but I felt otherwise because he was pretty coherent in his speech). During "it", it was personal and it felt comfortable since we've known each other for a long time. But right afterwards he announced he needs to go get some "stuff" (aka influencing substance) from his buddies. I, of course, was slightly irritated because I expected a little more from someone I've known for so long. He was supposed to come back but never did. The next day he texted and apologized profusely and told me he was under the influence so he lost track of time; but he doesn't want to upset me. I didn't respond. We were supposed to hang out the next evening, he ended up cancelling. The morning before I flew home. I messaged him saying it wasn't cool what he did. He called back apologizing but at that point, I wasn't really interested in an apology because I felt at his age (close to 40), being under the influence of substance is not exactly a legit apology.

For the next few weeks after we returned to our cities. He kept a close touch, text messaging mostly. I would respond like I did before (but no more flirting). I've never considered anything romantic or serious with this guy because as previously stated, we don't really talk about anything. I just thought if anything were to happen between us, it would be something fun and casual. However, I am not pleased with how he acted after.

As time went on, messages became less frequent. He still checks my facebook and comment fairly often. I informed him I'll be visiting his city for work, he didn't sound very enthusiastic at all so I didn't say anymore.

Last week he started messaging me again after a few weeks of no contact. His tone is still flirty (as it has been all this time). He asked me for a recent photo so I sent one. He then proceed to message me non-stop for a day. Asked for more photos but I didn't send, then the next day communication died down a bit and I haven't heard from him since.

I'm very hard headed so the thing that's bothering me the most is I don't know what his intentions are. Even tho I am fully aware that this is definitely the wrong guy for me, nor I am seeking a relationship with him given how he treated me when we were on vacation. But it helps to get over this annoying knot in my stomach to know what's going on.

Thank you so much for your time. I apologize for a lengthy post and appreciate all your help on this matter.