Thoughts on odd situation?

[ws4228]

There is this girl (I'll call her K), and she used to go to the same high school as me. I'm 23 and K is 22. We never chatted or anything during that time but during this summer she recently added me to Facebook. We chatted for a while on Facebook and we hung out a few times.

The first time we hung out we went to a fast food joint late at night cause we were talking on Facebook about how hungry we were. So it was like the first time I ever officially met her and it wasn't awkward at all. We talked and chatted about random stuff like we have known each other forever. That night quickly ended and we parted ways after we got our food. The second time we hung out I went to her place and we continued how well we got along the first time and we ended up watching a movie. We cuddled and at the end of the movie she led me to her bedroom and we snuggled and fell asleep (nothing more nothing less). The third time we hung out we watched a movie and ended up going to her bed again. We made out this time and fell asleep.

We were really starting to like each other and continued to chat online. Here is a twist I guess, she has a kid. I knew this going into it and I really didn't think things were going to led to what it had lead to. I thought we were just friends and hanging out, but I QUICKLY realized I was falling for her. This was all a few months ago. I was scared of the fact that she had a kid and it made me nervous about things, even though I have a young neice and nephew and I absolutely love kids. I think it's just the fact that I was nervous about possibly being shoved into the "daddy" role. I ended up telling her this and I'm sure it crushed her. It crushed me too.. cause I was really falling for her, I wish I wouldn't have done this.

We continued to talk on Facebook and I was just starting to feel like I made a bad mistake. About a month or so later she ended up in a relationship with someone else (I'll call him J). It really sank in and I couldn't believe it. I was just thinking about telling her how I really felt about her. I ended up telling her a few days later, after her and J ended up together, how I really felt and how much I felt I made a mistake. She admitted that she really likes me too and how she wishes that I would've said something before. She's been dating him for a couple months now and I really still like her and she even tells me she feels the same. She said that she once left someone for someone else before and it didn't work. K also said that she never wanted to do that again. She doesn't want to end a relationship for no reason.

K and I ended up hanging out a week or so ago and we had a really good time. I thought it was kind of progress. She told me to not be "bad" and there were a few times where I had to actually walk or pull away because she really wanted to kiss me. We did end up cuddling together and fell asleep together and it almost led to bad things (even though cuddling was pretty bad on it's own). But there really hasn't been any progress, I don't know what to do. I am so emotionally attach to her and I really like her. I love her child too, he is such a good kid.

I like her so much, I feel like we are supposed to be together. I am so comfortable around her and she feels the same. Any advice or just any thoughts?

[Veerebby]

I've been in "K's" situation, actually just recently. I met this really awesome guy, we both weren't really expecting to be anything more then friends. We had a super strong connection and it just kind of took over things. I also have a daughter, he was well aware of this, as we talked while I was pregnant way back. We actually ended up dating however, but he bailed because he basically freaked himself into thinking he "had" to be my daughter's father figure and I assume he realized he wasn't ready for that even though he really loved her. We split up, and we chose not to talk anymore because I felt he needed time and that if we continued we'd just repeat the process. It hurts, not just me but him as well. Just know that most mother's don't want to push anyone into being their child's "new" father, a good mother will never do that. And if she brought you around him, that means she's trusting you with the most important thing in her life. However, just evaluate if this is what you truly want because she comes as a packaged deal, so you need to be sure you want both just as equally.

[ws4228]

Yeah, I understand that they come as a package deal, I was nervous about it at first but I really feel like her child helped her become who she is and is actually a big part of why I like her so much. I thought of it as kind of a negative thing at first but now I realize that it actually is a positive thing. I just don't know what to do. I feel if I just wait around and "hope" she breaks up with J then I feel as if I am just a back up plan for her. Like if things don't work out with him, she always has me to switch to. I can't stop thinking about her and it's hard to continue to talk to her without bringing anything up about the situation.

[Veerebby]

I totally understand where you're coming from. The guy I was recently with said a lot of the reason why he fell in love with me to begin with was because seeing me with my daughter brought on a whole different kind of respect. He also grew to really love my daughter, he would always tell me that he almost loved her more then me because he saw all the great things about me wrapped up in her. Sometimes it takes things like this to give us a knew perspective on what we might want with our lives, or help us to discover what we've truly wanted the entire time. He too also felt strange about being with a woman who has a child who wasn't his. I mean let's face it, it's just a little bit of a reminder that someone else once had what is now yours. But now that you've gotten past all of this, it's helped shed some light directly on yourself and how you perceive the situation. My advice to you would be to not bring up the situation, it could come across as being a bit pushy or maybe even a little along the lines of jealous, BUT if she brings it up then it's fair game. Right now she knows that you're regretting things, she has you in the perfect spot. Keeping from bringing up your feelings of regret or about the situation help keep you out of the perfect win-win scenario for her.