drama

[whenweawake]

Iv been dating my current bf for about 7 months we are so compatable and spend ever day together it may be soon but iv never been this comfortable with someone and i real think his the one. He gave me a beautiful diamond promise ring to last until we are on are feet. we are planning to move out in may near are 1 year just cause after christmas we need to save.

Now the drama. His mom and step dad (who basicly adopted my bf) are not together anymore but live really close and we see both of them all the time. they really think me and my bf are good for each other and have been so awesome to me.
once we announced are plans to move out. the mother who used to have personal talks and had lots of fun has become very distant and always seems mad. I understand this is her first son and oldest child so its hard to let go, but i fear she blames me for "taking him away" (side note im 22 and he is 20) his stepfather is super supportive has given us furniture and buying stuff for are new place for christmas. even thinks the promise ring was a great step cause he thinks we are perfect for each other. His mom doesnt know about the ring and i think my bf didnt tell her cause it might make her more mad (this ring is basicly a engagment ring with a small diamond which we will replace once we get engaged)

Is there a way to fix the issue with me and the mom? or does it not matter. im the woman thats with her son and i wont ever be good enought and am taking him away from mommy.

Do you think the ring was a bad idea (i had to clue about it. early christmas gift)

do you have any advice on a couple who have yet to live together? people tell me this to is a bad idea cause the small annoying traits about each other might tear us apart. i figure is has to happen at some point.

i appreciate all the help!

[surfhb]

She's just concerned.... She'll get over it. You're going againts the odds just so you know. Very few couples your age stay together diving in so deep early on. Living together is hard HARD work... It really is. Why the big rush? Don't you have career or academic aspirations?

Good luck

[LdFilip]

i would give her some time,maybe she will get used to it,or ask his dad to talk with her a bit...and if not...so what?...you are taking him,not his mom

[whenweawake]

he already has carree and me im looking for a better job but right now its all retail seasonal. and as for school no idea what to go to school for.. his mom and step dad are not on speaking terms.

[surfhb]

he already has carree and me im looking for a better job but right now its all retail seasonal. and as for school no idea what to go to school for.. his mom and step dad are not on speaking terms.

Thats not really my point. What do you want from life specifically? You can't state the obvious.
What are your goals?

I say go for it but live together a year before making wedding plans. You've only been together 7 months and you're feelings will change and you will need to deal with that. The rewards of dealing with those changes and confronting them is a pride in a strong relationship. There will be times where you just want to pack up and leave.... Just be aware since youre in the Honeymoon stage this point.

Her Mom knows what kind of BS you guys will be dealing with.....she's been there at least twice already and hates her husband for it. She just wants you guys to do the research first that's all

[bcgirl]

when you are 20 years older you will understand from her point of view. Her son is only 20 yrs old. Although she may like you and think you two are great for each other, she may think that her son may be moving too fast. You two have only been together for a short period of time. She just doesn't want her son to make any bad mistakes that he may regret later. For example/ getting married too young, having kids without any money, dealing with financial issues of family and his mom becoming a grandmother. Yes, it may be rushing into conclusions too soon...but moms are like that. At his age he should be living with a roomate in a dorm at a University, studying, partying and doing what 20 yr olds do.....not making plans to marry a girl he's been dating for 7 months.

[whenweawake]

We are in no means making wedding plans and arnt moving out for at least another 6 months. But I can see what u all are talking about thank you all for your advice I guess I have to take it one day at a time. Iv just invested so much emotion in this relationship if it doesn't work out idk what ill do. He brought all the walls down and showed me how a real relationship should be.

[surfhb]

Iv just invested so much emotion in this relationship if it doesn't work out idk what ill do

Not the healthiest attitude to have in a relationship

[LdFilip]

the thing is,that when you rush so much,his mom will see you as a bad woman,evil itself,someone who is controling him,telling him what to do and want to steal him from them...so basicaly,there are 2 options...slow down a bit and show to his mom that you are not the devil or dont care about them at all...

[whenweawake]

Ill take it slow and any major steps he wants to take can be made on his time frame.

[bcgirl]

Most moms don't see males making the first steps towards certain things like moving in together, getting married etc. etc. It's usually the girlfriend who forces the guy to move in together, go travelling together etc. etc. etc. Guys are usually laid back in this area and just go with the flow. Moms have that 6th sense because how do you think she got dad to marry her? I'd suggest moving things slow with this guy. He still lives at home and doesn't have to worry so much about rent/laundry/food/electric/hot water and all those grown up sorts of things. Mom still enjoys making him dinner and folding his laundry. Allow her to do so until he's a bit more grown up

[LdFilip]

Mom still enjoys making him dinner and folding his laundry. Allow her to do so until he's a bit more grown up

or until his mom is ready to let him go

[girl68]

It's because you're rushing just like bcgirl said.

A promise ring isn't an engagement ring. An engagement ring comes with "will you marry me?" 7 months isn't a long time especially at a young age.

If you want to get his mother on better terms act your ages. That means pursue schooling, work at less than thrilling jobs, save bits of money. Grow up together and stop talking about how serious and marriage plans and all that for a long, long time. Prove that you're in it to be in it, and leave the forever talk until you're much, much older.

[LdFilip]

but still...that doesnt mean that you will wait until youll be 30 or 40 y old...just when the time comes...the first step is to show to his mom that you are serious and not some freeloader (dont want to be rude)...and after some time it will get better

[surfhb]

but still...that doesnt mean that you will wait until youll be 30 or 40 y old...just when the time comes...the first step is to show to his mom that you are serious and not some freeloader (dont want to be rude)...and after some time it will get better

No one should marry before 30. A generalization but get settled first in life. Life is much tougher now then when our parents were young