Drama lol

[Chris660]

Well you can entitle this thread drama lol My and the g/f (probably soon to be ex) got in another fight last night. Maybe I'm the a$$hole here, maybe I'm not.....give me your opinion please.

Here's the background....My parents went down to North Carolina this weekend (12/9 - 12/12). They asked me to watch the house to feed the dogs, fish, collect mail, etc. I have done this in the past, and when I did, my g/f would always come down and stay with me the days that they left if she was able to. Well she planned to come down last night after she tutored her cousin in chemistry, and would stay until today (SUN) at 5pm when she said she had to leave because she was going to a banquet that her job was having for all the employees.

She calls me at 4pm.

Me - hello, blah blah, blah
Her - Ok, I just got off work and I have to go food shopping right now. Then I'm gonna go over to Jessie's (her cousin) and tutor Brenda (her cousins daughter). I don't know if I have enough time to go home and grab my things 1st, god I'm so tired, I have so much to do(insert other bitchy/complaining/whining statements here)
Me - Ok, what time do you think you'll get done?
Her - I don't know, I got so much stuff to do blah blah blah
Me - Alright, well let me know if you are coming down or not. If so great, if not, no big deal.
Her - what do you mean no big deal?
Me - I want you to come over, but if you can't, that's ok. just call me and let me know
Her - Oh, so you don't want me to come over. That's what you sound like.
Me - No, I want you to come over, but if you can't, I'm not gonna go crazy over it (irony at it's best)
Her - OK, well it might not be till late because I have to tutor Brenda.
Me - Ok, just call me to let me know either way
Her - Ok

10pm rolls around and I haven't heard from her since. I call her cell and get no answer so I leave a message telling her to call me. 10:30pm, I call again, leave no message.

10:50pm she calls me:

Her - Um, you called.
Me - uhhh, yeah, are you coming over?
Her - Well I don't know because Brenda's parents aren't home yet.
Me - What are you talking about?
Her - Brenda's parents aren't home yet so I can't leave
Me - Oh, so you are babysitting, why didn't you tell me.
Her - I told you earlier
Me - Ummm, no you didn't.
me & Her - blah blah blah
Me - Well what time are they coming home?
her - I don't know
me - well why don't you call their cell phone and find out. Did you tell them you had something to do?
her - yeah, i told them i had something to do. I'm probably not gonna call them though because that's rude.
Me - well what if they don't come home until 1 or 2am?
Her - I don't care, I'll still come over
Me - well why don't you call because I don't want to sit up all night worrying about you.
Her - no, i'm probably not gonna call them. anyway, they'll probably be home soon.
Me - well I mean, if it gets really late, you might as well stay home because you don't want to have to drive 40 miles down here to see me at 2am. I know how you get tired easily.
Her - oh, so you don't want me to come over.
me - No, I'm just saying if it gets too late, you are better off staying. I want you to come over, but if it gets too late.....
Her - I'll be alright to drive that late
Me - I know what'll happpen. You'll end up getting home around 1am...start packing your stuff for my house, then end up falling asleep on your bed lol
Her - no i won't blah blah
me - ok, well call me when you find out what's going on.
Her - ok
11:15pm she hangs up


12:30am and still no call. I call her cell, leave a message to call me back.

12:45am
Her - hey there
Me - what's going on?
her - well, guess what, I was right and Jessie came home right after we got off the phone. So then I lost my car keys and couldn't find them, then we sat down and talked for a little.
Me - ummm, ok, so are you still coming over?
Her - I don't know
Me - You don't know? What the **** does that mean? (I'm starting to get pissed)
Her - Well I don't know....part of me wants to go, then part of me doesn't. It's like I want to go so bad, but I don't want to drive this late.
Me - well what happened to you would come over no matter what?
Her - yeah, but the way you sounded earlier, it sounded like you didn't care if I came over.
Me - No, I told you I wanted you to come over 10 times already. you are making excuses just because you didn't want to come over.
Her - that's not true
Me - yeah it is......You said Jessie came home right after we got off the phone. So instead of saying I have somewhere to go and leaving, you decided to sit there and bullshit with her and now you say you are not sure if you are coming over. So by sitting there and bullshitting with her, you made the conscious decision of not coming over. In the time that you sat there and BS'd you could've been here by now
Her - well it's not my fault, we always talk like that when we see each other
Me - yeah, but you guys see each other all the time. How often do we get to spend a weekend alone with each other, like once every 6 months.
Her - (silence)
Me - To me, it shows a total lack of respect. not the fact that you didn't come down, but the fact that you couldn't even call me to tell me at a reasonable time. Now here I am like some a$$hole sitting up and worrying about you
Her - well that's your fault. Earlier it sounded like you didn't want to come over....so don't get an attitude with me.......
Me - attitude, you're the one with the ****ing attitude....you know what, I'm tired of this shit.....(she owes me money) send me my ****ing money and that's it
Her - (Hangs up on me)

Anyway, I end up calling her back and apoligizing for saying that it's over.......then we get in a long discussion. The part of that whole conversation that really bothered me is this:

Me - I go out of my way and do so many things for you. Now I'm asking you to do something for me (coming over) and it's a big problem.
Her - silence
Me - when your car broke down, who picked you up from college, then who took you to the car shop to pick it up. Who went to Mexico with you to visit your family? Who lent you money when you needed it? Who helps you with your schoolwork from time to time? Who signed up for a credit card just to save you money on your car? Who drives 40 miles every weekend to see you? etc. etc.
Her - (silence)
Me - you say you love me so much and you care about me so much, but you can't go out of your way for me?
Her - I do love you
Me - Then prove it. Give me an instance where you went out of your way for me. Give me an example of how you love me.
Her - (silence)
Me - Well??? I'm waiting.
Her - I can't think right now, it's so late.
Me - Yeah, that's what I ****ing figured

So she told me she wanted to come over today, but i said what's the point. She'll get here around 12pm or 1pm then have to leave for that work thing at 5pm. So she said she would come over early. So i told her not to worry about it. So I kept asking her a bunch of questions and she either didn't respond or she kept saying "I don't want to talk about this now." So I ended the phone conversation by saying "you what, if you give a shit about me you'll call tomorrow....if not then at least we know where we stand." and that was it.

So, sorry for this long story, but what do you think? I am the a$$hole here or am I justified. Thanks for listening if you make it all the way through this.

(umm ok, a$$hole is censored, but **** isn't?)

[RSK]

wow, i'm proud of myself - i actually read the entire post



i will always wonder HER side of the story - it's easy for you to be biased





she IS tutoring her cousin CHEMISTRY, so she DOES have to be somewhat smart - having said that, you DID tutor HER - are you SMARTER?


Ok, back on subject...

...when I balance the above two observations, I can draw the following conclusions:


You are not the a s s h o l e (use the space feature)

She MIGHT be the a s s h o l e (this is not verified unless I read HER side)






She should've called you! I mean, that's the LEAST she could've done.

I REALLY don't think you can blame her for staying there, to wait for the parents to come home. And I also think it would've been rude to call them. So, she has you here...

...having said that - she SHOULD'VE called you to let you know.

Some people are mature about these things. Is SHE? Is She naive? As in, everything is OK, and Dandy...da dee da dee da...

Or is she REALLY on top of her game, and aware, and independent? If she is the later, then you have something to worry about. Because she is NOT putting enough effort into the relationship.


When you asked her to name ONE incident which shows her love to you, and when she couldn't think of anything - that's a sign...

...maybe she has lost interest? Maybe it's a sign?

Maybe you have been blinded during ALL those times you said you helped her.

I HOPE NOT. And if you are, you'd never know - because you've been conditioned. Maybe it's time to have a serious self reflection episode regarding your relationship with your girlfriend.

Sit down with her, and find out what's going on. Have a 'calm' one-on-one discussion, like adults (the irony)




If she doesn't call, which is where you left off, then I'd say that's a BIG sign where this relationships is headed.






I wish you the best of luck.

[whaywardj]

Why censor the word a-s-s-h-o-l-e but not f-u-c-k? The mods have issues with anal sex.

You're the a**hole. You should've just left it at your first conversation with her and gone on about your business, whatever it turned out to be. You should NOT have harangued her about calling you. If you had done that, she might now be the one wondering whether she was a**hole. As it is, you look like one controlling m-f.

[RSK]

Why censor the word a-s-s-h-o-l-e but not f-u-c-k? The mods have issues with anal sex.

You're the a**hole. You should've just left it at your first conversation with her and gone on about your business, whatever it turned out to be. You should NOT have harangued her about calling you. If you had done that, she might now be the one wondering whether she was a**hole. As it is, you look like one controlling m-f.

OK --> Ignore my post.

I agree with whaywardj. Well said!

[Chlorine]

chris660----That was a long post. You guys couldn't seem to agree about the 'coming over bit'. Every sentence was like backwards and forwards, right from the start. Now that you guys have squabbled, just leave it alone.

Next time this happens and she is yo-yoing about and saying she not sure about whether she can get to your place/it's too far etc, make an executive decision by saying, "Don't come over, I'll see you next time".

She'll most likely get into the car and drive over. Don't ask me why this works, it just does.

[whaywardj]

Yeah. There's a large element of truth to what Chlorine says. Especially the SOMEBODY make a decision part.

[misombra]

i agree with hay. now she'll feel like she HAS to come over now. not good. but nothing to break up over. she needs to respect your time and you need to stop being so controlling.

[Bluevetteracer]

You called and she told you she had things to do, and from the tone, she was not all that interested in spending the weekend with you. She may not be feeling well; (menstruation?) did not want to explain that to you, whatever?

After the first call, you should not have called again. Unless she said she WOULD drive down. Then calling would be appropriate if you suspect she was late or overdue, and you were concerned.

She is not a man, a man will just tell you, dude, I don't want to come down this weekend. Or if a guy does not return your call, you can assume he is busy tonight etc.

In any event, she seems on the immature side, and you pointing it out, or calling her on it will not improve the situation.

Learn the game, or find a women that communicates better.

[Bluevetteracer]

Me - attitude, you're the one with the ****ing attitude....you know what, I'm tired of this shit.....(she owes me money) send me my ****ing money and that's it
Her - (Hangs up on me)


ON A SIDE NOTE.

This works for me, take it as you will.


I never loan money to anyone unless I am OK with never seeing it again. I just view it as a gift. If I get it back, then all the better. I never lend out more then I am willing to part with.

[whaywardj]

Oooo. That "communicates better" remark is gonna raise a flame or two, I suspect. Perhaps you meant to say "communicates differently."

[Bluevetteracer]

Me - you say you love me so much and you care about me so much, but you can't go out of your way for me?
Her - I do love you
Me - Then prove it. Give me an instance where you went out of your way for me. Give me an example of how you love me.
Her - (silence)


This is the logical man in you.

[Bluevetteracer]

Anyway, I end up calling her back and apoligizing for saying that it's over.......then we get in a long discussion.


If I may quote the great!

"You have made your overture, now let it be".


You should NOT have called her back. Let her call you back.

[whaywardj]

Chris: Just read your first again after seeing Vette's excerpt from it and have to say: I think you had no justification whatsoever for behaving that way toward her.

I were you, I'd be asking myself why her just having her life was causing me such a problem. I'd also be asking myself why I did things for her. From your post, it seems as if you did for her what you did only to have something to kick in her face.

I'd hang up on you, too.

[Mish]

Chris660 you're being clingy and selfish. Stop it.

[updraft]

I think she has total disregard for you ... if she felt she couldnt make it then she should've definitely called you, which is what you asked her to do. Sounds like she is the a$$hole in this one. I'd say you two had better work out your differences now, our your relationship wont last the new year...