Too scared to pursue?

[valdee23]

Would like a male perspective here. I am recently divorced (husband cheated), and entering the dating scene again - needless to say, I feel utterly clueless

I met a guy two weeks ago - we have some mutual friends in common but we don't run in the same circles. In any case, we were introduced. He gave me his phone number and we texted a little the following day - he suggested we meet up the following weekend and I agreed. That following weekend, we met up for dinner and drinks and had a really good time. We flirted, kissed, laughed, etc. I found myself really liking him. We texted a little last week - sometimes he would initiate text but it seemed I found myself initiating more. These were only a few texts a day - not like we were talking all day every day or anything. Anyways, last Thursday I asked if he wanted to meet up sometime and he suggested this coming friday. We have not communicated since, and I'm wondering if he's possibly not as interested in me as I am in him? Or since I'm the one who suggested meeting up, I should follow through? Or just let it drop? I don't want to assume anything, but given the circumstances surrounding my divorce, I am definitely gunshy about pursuing! I know I can't let what happened in the past affect present and possible future relationships.

Advice greatly appreciated!

[Drumzzz]

well honestly...

i like being persued...
especially when i like her
cause i know i like her and i don't know she likes me, i try to keep a certain distance rahter than being all over her

[bulrush]

He sent you a few texts each day? Sounds like he likes you. If you want to see him, you better show you like him, by calling him and setting up another date. I know it's probably been a while since you date, and you're a bit rusty, but if you don't show interest, he will leave and think you don't like him. Clear communication is important!

[valdee23]

Yes, we've texted back and forth a few times each day - nothing this past weekend, and then he reached out to me this morning. I was starting to wonder about following up because I certainly don't want chase anyone away! I suppose the fact that he's reached out has given me a little more confidence about following up about this upcoming weekend.

Thanks guys, for your input. Any extra advice always welcome!

[Boisdevie]

I've been with my GF for just over a year. I text her more than she texts me. But I know that she loves me as I love yer. Perhaps the guy doesn't want to seem too 'pressuring' with too many texts. Many men are less communicative than women. I think you're probably over analysing stuff - easy to do when you're back in the dating game.
It's not easy this dating game when you are of a certain age - invest time and emotion in a relationship and if it goes pear shaped you get hurt. Don't invest time and emotion and you don't get a relationship at all.
BTW, I'm a divorced guy of 47 so I know how it goes.

[valdee23]

So I am a little concerned about the aftereffects of the events surrounding my divorce. Because my ex-husband just wouldn't stop cheating, I'm left for now, with a seemingly overwhelming fear of rejection - naturally. To the point that it overrides common sense and I've always been a very logical person. Needless to say, asking this guy out for a second date (he asked me out for the first date) has me feeling a bit anxious. The last thing I want is to come across as desperate or needy so it seems that I am intensely aware of everything I do and of course, I do overanalyze! However - I still believe in going after what I want but it IS tricky when the thing you are pursuing scares you the most too!

Don't get me wrong - I believe I am ready to cultivate relationships with other people. I just don't want past experiences to sabatoge the present and/or future!

[valdee23]

Going on a date tomorrow (with the same guy I discussed earlier) night. I'm thinking dinner and drinks - I told him dinner is on me this time since he paid last time (though I offered to pay my half). I've never asked a guy out to dinner before so this is a first! I'm hoping all goes well and we have a good time.

Any pointers?! Much appreciated

[valdee23]

Need some advice or input. Its been a few weeks since my last post. The guy and I went out on that second date and had a good time. He ended up staying the night, but we didn't do anything other than make out. We met up again this past weekend (2 weeks since we had previously seen each other). In that interim, we would text a little every couple of days, usually I was the one to initiate the texts. We didn't text at all over the Thanksgiving break (other than him wishing me a happy thanksgiving and I wished him one in return). The following Monday, I asked him how his break was, we got to talking and he asked if I wanted to meet up the following weekend - which was this past weekend. We had a relaxing night in and had a nice time. He stayed the night again and we went further this time (oral sex). As usual when he left the next day, he asked if I wanted to meet up again sometime (can't remember exact words but you get the gist) and I said yes.

I woke up this morning and just sort of realized I haven't heard from him since he left Sunday morning. Now, am I wrong in assuming that while we have a good time when we hang out (lots to talk about, things in common, physical attraction), that he is not interested in anything serious or potentially serious? I am looking for a relationship on the other hand but I just want to make sure I'm not barking up the wrong tree or waiting around for something that's not going to materialize.

Guys, what say you?

[bcgirl]

well it seems to me that he is not looking for anything serious. Have you two talked about what you want at these points in your life? There are many people online who are at a point in their lives that they want to find true love....and then there are tons of people online who are looking for sex, flings, friends and a good time. You both need to be on the same page. I know you don't want to seem "clingy", but what do you have to lose? Why not ask him in the next conversation what he wants in his life right now? Is he looking for just fun or is he looking for a serious relationship? You need to do it soon before the next date...by then he'll expect sex since he's already gotten oral. Honestly, from your history of the circumstances of your divorce....you need a man who gives you security. Sounds to me like he is keeping his options open, he probably has other dates with other women set up as well since it's very normal while online dating and he likes to keep his options open. You'll be able to tell whether a man wants something more than just a casual fling....he is giving you the opposite signals. But to be 100% sure, have that conversation with him before you put out and regret it.