I am confused about my sexuality. Can anyone offer some advice?

[enginex]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post, so I apologise if I have repeated any previous threads, but I am currently desperate for any advice. I will try and keep this as short as possible.

I am in my early 20s. I have recently come out of a relationship with my long term girlfriend, which lasted just over three years. We were engaged and owned a property together, which makes it all the more difficult, but fortunately, at the moment, things are being dealt with amicably. Just before the relationship with my started I admitted to two very close friends, that I was gay. At the time, I felt reasonably sure of this. When I met my girlfriend, I then told my friends that I had made a mistake. It was an error of judgement. They were understanding, although doubtful. Being the good friends that they are, they simply stated "whatever makes you happy". Throughout the relationship, I had doubts in my mind, but continued because I felt this was the only way to be happy. In the last year of the relationship, things were essentially no longer physical between us, and we grew more and more distant despite living in the same house together.

Prior to meeting my ex girlfriend, I had had a brief sexual relationship with someone of the same sex along with a number of experiences prior to that. Family and friends have also asked me at points in my life whether I am gay. I used to always brush this off negatively.

I am now having sleepless nights, and I am not entirely sure why. I don't know where to turn or how to proceed my life. Once the relationship ended with my ex, I had a very clear opportunity with another girl that I turned down. It was purely sexual but I just wasn't interested.

Any advice would be much appreciated, and thank you to anyone who was patient enough to read through that.

Many thanks

[bulrush]

If you are attracted to both sexes, and find there is some need to have both sexes in your life, you are bisexual. Sexuality is not about boxes, it's a spectrum. On one end is gay, on the other end is straight. In the middle somewhere is bi. Some guys like 80% men and 20% women, so they just prefer men, but still like women. Some men like 80% women, and 20% men. There is no "box" a person fits in, just a general area, and your preferences can shift over time. Most people do not shift a whole lot though.

[enginex]

Thanks for the reply.

I suppose I have to accept that I cannot categorise myself, but I also hope that this won't affect my future relationships in any negative way. I almost wish that I could clearly label myself.

[bcgirl]

you are gay or bisexual. Be proud of it and let the world know. You are young and still exploring your sexuality.....go ahead and do so without shame. Life is too short. Watch Brokeback Mountain.

[enginex]

Good advice bcgirl.

There is part of me that isn't happy with who I am, which I understand is something I have to come to terms with myself. When I was intimate with my girlfriend, I would think back to my experiences with the same sex. Sex was a relatively boring affair, and I felt I had to think back to those times to get me through it.

Even thinking about it now makes me feel unhappy with who I am. I guess the answers are right in front me, and I just have to be brave enough to accept them.

[DonJuanInc]

Sounds like you're gay but are struggling with 20 something years of socialization telling you that it's wrong or abnormal to be gay. It isn't.

Take some time to try and figure it out for yourself; go to a counselor or a psychologist if you want to talk openly. It helps to speak with a professional because they get tons of people admitting things to them that these people would never admit to others. It could help a lot to hear someone tell you it's way more common than you think, and that behind closed doors people tell a very different story than they do in public.

[jdawg24]

Yeah, it sounds like you are gay. Just accept it man, and act on it freely. I have gay friends and they always shared that once they accepted it
they felt so much better inside. You are who you are!

[enginex]

Thanks for the replies guys.

I don't know what to do next. I was thinking of just keeping it to myself and seeing what happens, as opposed to telling people.

[enginex]

Hi everyone,

Sorry to bring back an old thread, but I thought this would better than creating a new one. If this is the wrong way to go about doing this please let me know.

Just wanted to see if anyone could offer any more advice. I don't want to keep going over old ground, but I am so confused right now and I just want to figure out who I am. Does anyone have any stories that are similiar, and if so what did they do to find out who they are?

[HeartIsAching]

Why do you care? Can't you just be you? If you like guys, go out with guys. If you like girls, go out with girls. If you like both, do both.

[enginex]

Wouldn't be kind of embarrassing to make a lifestyle change as major as this at this stage of my life though?

[Phoenix23]

Bisexuality will wax and wane over time to different degrees. There's no hard and fast rule that says because you feel this way now you'll always feel that way.
The more you feed those feelings the stronger and more entrenched they are likely to become though.

Would you like to be attracted to, and fulfilled by, women, but simply find that difficult to achieve?
Is that the source of your angst and confusion, that you'd really prefer not to be gay, and you don't want to feel like you're trapped into that mindset if you don't have to be?

[enginex]

Just for reference, my first post explains what happened with me :-)

The thing is, being with a woman is something I know I could do. I have been with guys before and it was great, but I can be with a woman, i know it.

[Phoenix23]

Well the question is, is that what you want? I get the impression you'd prefer to be satisfied being with a woman, if only you felt it was all you needed.
If that is the case, it is an achievable goal.
You don't have to feel like you're biologically fated to be stuck in a lifestyle you don't find ideal.

[enginex]

Well the question is, is that what you want? I get the impression you'd prefer to be satisfied being with a woman, if only you felt it was all you needed.
If that is the case, it is an achievable goal.
You don't have to feel like you're biologically fated to be stuck in a lifestyle you don't find ideal.

Thanks. I understand me going on a forum and shouting help for something that can only really be found by myself isnt the best way to go about the situation. Was just curious if anyone solved their dilemna a certain way that helped.

I guess it isnt something I need to shout from the roof tops, and I can quietly go about doing what I want before coming to my decision.