I am confused about my sexuality. Can anyone offer some advice?

[Phoenix23]

I'm not saying you're wrong to come here asking for help.
I'm actually trying to ask you to clarify what it is you really desire. It's easier to help you if we know what you really want.

[enginex]

OK, well truthfully, I want a relationship with someone of the same sex. I have had a brief physical relationship with the same sex, but I think I feel I would like something more than that. The only thing that worries me is that this would involve people knowing. As it stands now, no one really knows about my first physical relationship, which I always discounted because it never involved full on sex, but essentially everything in between.

[IndiReloaded]

So, in your ideal situation, would you enjoy an attractive male partner who is slightly submissive, or an attractive woman who is more aggressive?

Seems to me that bi-folks tend to have a preference in this regard.

Also, be careful when you are exploring your sexuality. There are some future partners who might be turned off you for having swung both ways.

[enginex]

So, in your ideal situation, would you enjoy an attractive male partner who is slightly submissive, or an attractive woman who is more aggressive?

Seems to me that bi-folks tend to have a preference in this regard.

Also, be careful when you are exploring your sexuality. There are some future partners who might be turned off you for having swung both ways.

I'm not sure about those traits in particular.

It does worry me regarding the future partners thing. I never told my fiance about my past for fear of what would happen (which is probably the wrong thing to do, but I saw no reason to bring it up).

[IndiReloaded]

So, make a list of what you think you like. And yes, you are wise to have kept this to yourself. Although I do think you'll need to inform your eventual wife. Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky and find a woman (or guy) who can satisfy your bisexuality.

You need to find a 'Cordelia'. You should read 'Shards of Honor' by McMaster Bujold. ;-)

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shards_of_Honor[/url]

[HeartIsAching]

So, make a list of what you think you like. And yes, you are wise to have kept this to yourself. Although I do think you'll need to inform your eventual wife. Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky and find a woman (or guy) who can satisfy your bisexuality.

You need to find a 'Cordelia'. You should read 'Shards of Honor' by McMaster Bujold. ;-)

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shards_of_Honor[/url]

Ooo! Good book! Been ages since I've read it.

[IndiReloaded]

Ooo! Good book! Been ages since I've read it.

Great series, ya. We own most of them, so its get reread on occasion.

We should swap author/titles. Am always looking for new stuff. Our faves along this line are: Vorkosigan (which you have read), anything by CJ Cherryh from her sci-fi (not fantasy), Harry Harrison's Deathworld and Stainless Steel Rat series.

Any non-overlap? I suspect you have read much the same stuff, HIA. I think I remember you already posted having read Varley's Wizard series...?

[MaidenMinx]

You say you can have a relationship with a woman yet you need to think of men to be intimate with your ex?

Sounds to me like you want to do what's "proper".

[IndiReloaded]

Proper is for work and church. Proper doesn't belong in the private bedroom, IMO. Hats off at the door, so to speak.

[HeartIsAching]

Great series, ya. We own most of them, so its get reread on occasion.

We should swap author/titles. Am always looking for new stuff. Our faves along this line are: Vorkosigan (which you have read), anything by CJ Cherryh from her sci-fi (not fantasy), Harry Harrison's Deathworld and Stainless Steel Rat series.

Any non-overlap? I suspect you have read much the same stuff, HIA. I think I remember you already posted having read Varley's Wizard series...?

Yep. I'm going to start a separate thread about it in off topic, so we don't further derail this thread.

[enginex]

You say you can have a relationship with a woman yet you need to think of men to be intimate with your ex?

Sounds to me like you want to do what's "proper".

Well, truthfully, I do want to what is proper. Me saying that probably sounds bad, but what I'm saying is, I know I can do it. Plus I am still attracted to some women, so I don't feel it is completely untrue to pursue that sort of relationship.

[MaidenMinx]

Well, truthfully, I do want to what is proper. Me saying that probably sounds bad, but what I'm saying is, I know I can do it. Plus I am still attracted to some women, so I don't feel it is completely untrue to pursue that sort of relationship.

There's attraction and then there is sexual attraction. I think a lot of girls are gorgeous but it's very rare for me to find one attractive enough to want to sleep with her.

What is your long term goal? Are you wanting marriage and kids? Do you have parents that want grand children?

I wonder if these kinds of things make you shy away from the gay idea. If you need a label, you are most certainly bi. I do think you lean more towards the gay side than the strait side of bi though.

[bcgirl]

Maybe you should be totally truthful to your girlfriend. If you are uncomfortable telling the world, perhaps it's best if you confide in your best friend (your girlfriend). Tell her that you still love her and have feelings for her, but you have urges to have sex with men. What do you have to lose? Yes, you can lose your girlfriend.....but it will go that route anyways eventually. The truth will come out one day. Why not accelerate the process much like just ripping off a bandage. Perhaps when you admit it to your girlfriend, she might want to still stay with you and perhaps explore 3somes in the bedroom with other males with you...depending on how liberal and kinky she is.
You can't live your whole life being in the closet and not cheating on your girlfriend. That is unrealistic. I mean, eventually those fantasies will be in your mind constantly and you'll have to act out on your fantasies.

[enginex]

Hi everyone,

I thought I would reply to this thread to give an update of where I am in my life (if anyone cares of course, if not, don't read )

I have now been separated from my girlfriend for approaching a year now, whilst also working full-time and studying at university. All in all it has been a stressful academic year, with the break up and splitting of our possessions. My first year at university is now over and I am happy to have a summer with some free time.

That being said I now have time to assess my thoughts. I feel I am essentially still in the situation I was in before. My friends have confronted me to ask if I am gay a number of times, which I have denied.

I just can't bring myself to do it, and to be honest, I feel stupid posting on here because Im not asking for any specific advise in particular. This is the only place I have spoken about this, and I just appreciate the opportunity to air my thoughts.

Any comments are appreciated

[IndiReloaded]

My friends have confronted me to ask if I am gay a number of times, which I have denied.

Any comments are appreciated

My first comment for you is this: deny it as much as you like. Your sexual orientation is none of your friends' business, unless you choose to tell them.

My second is this: most college campuses have a gay/bi/lesbian organization. Why don't you stop by and get some info and maybe learn about an event? Its not a declaration of your sexuality and if they try to make it one, then leave immediately. But you might be pleasantly surprised.

My 3rd is this (again): go read that book reference. You really need a Cordelia. lol. ;-)