Spilled my heart out several times, still friends. Good or Bad?

[smackie9]

Dude she is using you....you are are just her attention bit ch. It's time to get on with your life and shy away from her yourself. There is no way there will be a relationship...ever. She is quite resilient because she knows she has easy control over you. She is playing you to keep you around. Please read [url]http://laddertheory.com[/url]

[IndiReloaded]

I don't know why other posters are saying she's using you. It doesn't sound like she's stringing you along at all. You expressed your interest, sounds like she has politely and consistently told you 'no'.

Searock has the best advice IMO. Stay friends since you enjoy it (why not?) but look for romance elsewhere. If she changes her mind, she knows where to find you. If you are dating someone else by then, too bad, such is life. Besides, good friends are much harder to come by than BF/GF.

[Phoenix23]

That's what friends do, they build each other up and love each other. Even if they aren't romantically interested in each other.

I don't believe in throwing away a good friendship like that, because it presumes that unless you're getting what you want out of her, romance, that she is somehow of no value to you and should be ignored. That's a mindset I reject.

Unless you absolutely cannot control the way you feel and it's doing harm to you to always be thinking about her that way, in which case you've got to do something. Try just taking a break from seeing or talking to her, even explain why considering she already knows how you feel about her, and spend a month or even more coming to terms with the fact that you two will never be together in that way, and find acceptance with it.

You don't have to give up your feelings for her, you just need to come to terms with accepting that you will never act on them, and then they won't be tormenting you, so you can just enjoy her as a friend.


Who knows, once you give up on expecting things to go that way, you may start to project yourself to her in a way that will make her consider you as possibly more than a friend later on. It might happen, but don't count on it, because if you hold onto that expectation you'll end up right back where you are now.

[CoffeoOreo]

I don't know why other posters are saying she's using you.

That's how I feel. She's just not like that. I've never really even had to console her on anything, she tends to keep her deepest emotions to herself - she's pretty shy even with me - so I don't see how I could be her "emotional tampon". And as for praising her, I tend to keep that admiration to myself. Unless we're dating, I'm not going to tell her how sweet she is, how beautiful she is, how kind and diligent she is. It just doesn't work like that. We're content to just talk and stuff we don't need to get very deep necessarily.

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds reasonable to me. So, I guess on balance I'd have to answer your question as: good.

Best for 2012, Oreo.

[CoffeoOreo]

I asked her out and she said yes! HHAHAHAHAAH Yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Take that, naysayers!

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, congrats. As Hitch said: she has already said yes, now your job is to not screw it up.

Keep it cool and don't go overboard. You need to match her interest + just a little bit. Am rooting for you, Oreo.

[searock]

Yay! Good for you to ask her out on an actual date.

Maybe the reason she's always put you down in the past is that she never saw actions, but only heard words. Maybe she didn't want to say that she felt something for you before going on at least one actual date with you, because what if she did say something, and then realized (on the first date or something) that it just didn't work for her? It would have broken your heart even more, and ruined your friendship. This way instead, she hasn't "promised" anything, and you (both) will spontaneously realize, through direct experience rather than "fantasies", whether it works or not. If this is the case, wise choice on her part (although it's still weird, since she was single, that she didn't ever even say she was at least attracted to you), actions should come before words.

Or maybe she just made up her mind that she would give it a try after all.

Good luck!

[smackie9]

If you just asked her in the first place you wouldn't have wasted all our time with this.