Spilled my heart out several times, still friends. Good or Bad?

[CoffeoOreo]

So there's a girl who despite all the times I've spilled out my feelings for her without those feelings being returned still wants to hang out, still wants to talk, hasn't shied away from me. She's such a great girl and I have not been able to get her out of my head for years. So we're still good friends even though she knows I like her.and would love to have her.

My question is whether this is a good thing for me, the fact that our friendship hasn't been destroyed by my sometimes uncontrollable affection.

[surfhb]

What does she says when you explain you want to be more than friends?

[CoffeoOreo]

What does she says when you explain you want to be more than friends?

She says she doesn't like me like that. What I'm wondering is if this could change sometime down the road since we're still solid friends.

[IndiReloaded]

Good question^.

the fact that our friendship hasn't been destroyed by my sometimes uncontrollable affection

What a bizarre statement^. Why would you expect your friendship to be destroyed by affection? Why would you want (or need?) to control it?

[IndiReloaded]

She says she doesn't like me like that. What I'm wondering is if this could change sometime down the road since we're still solid friends.

Unlikely if she's given you a solid no-go, particularly if she's available. So to your original question: is it good for you to settle for friendship with a gal you have feelings for and want a relationship with? It depends. Are these feelings keeping you from potentially interesting relationships with other women? Are their solid benefits to being this gals friend? Do you get something from it other than the hope of an eventual relationship?

[CoffeoOreo]

What a bizarre statement

Maybe I said it the wrong way. Like you know how friendships can fall apart because it gets too weird or awkward to hang out usually because of something romantic? That's what I was always concerned about, but we're doing just fine it turns out.

And yes I've decided it's best to keep her as a friend despite my feelings because she is just that valuable to me.

[CoffeoOreo]

My real question is whether I have a chance at her. As they always say, it's best to be friends first. She IS available.

[surfhb]

Anythings possible but she's already told you she's not interested. Keep her as a friend and find another girl to love

[distilled]

Do yourself a favor and cut off all contact with this girl. Hate to break it to you but there is no chance so forget those bullshit cliche sayings. She still hangs around because she enjoys the attention and is using you as her emotional tampon. Your decision to keep her as a friend is a bad idea - the feelings you have for her will drive you crazy.

[IndiReloaded]

Maybe I said it the wrong way. Like you know how friendships can fall apart because it gets too weird or awkward to hang out usually because of something romantic? That's what I was always concerned about, but we're doing just fine it turns out.

And yes I've decided it's best to keep her as a friend despite my feelings because she is just that valuable to me.

Damn. That's a shame b/c IMO friendships like this have potential as the best life partners. Esp since she's available. Have you just flat-out asked her to date you for a while? Give it a chance? Is there any chemistry b/t you at all?

[CoffeoOreo]

Damn. That's a shame b/c IMO friendships like this have potential as the best life partners. Esp since she's available. Have you just flat-out asked her to date you for a while? Give it a chance? Is there any chemistry b/t you at all?

Well yeah there's a little chemistry. I haven't flat out asked her to date me - the most I've said is I've asked her if there's any chance at all for us down the road and she said something like "I don't feel that way about you". But yeah, there's at least a little chemistry.

[CoffeoOreo]

Do yourself a favor and cut off all contact with this girl. Hate to break it to you but there is no chance so forget those bullshit cliche sayings. She still hangs around because she enjoys the attention and is using you as her emotional tampon. Your decision to keep her as a friend is a bad idea - the feelings you have for her will drive you crazy.

Lol already tried that. Realized after five months she was too good of a friend to lose.

[surfhb]

Yep! Keep her as a friend. I'm sure she has some hot girlfriends

[searock]

If she is available yet still doesn't want to date you, I don't think you have a chance with her. Whether you want to remain friends with her or not is your choice - just know, because she told you more than once, that she doesn't feel the same as you. Whatever you do with her, focus on other girls as potential partners, forget about her in that way. You have told her how you feel many times, so if she was interested she'd know what to do.

BTW, the fact that you're still good friends despite your feelings for her doesn't mean anything except that you are, well, really good friends. Only really good friends manage to keep a friendship steady even with unrequited love involved. Keep in mind that since she has no romantic feelings for you, it's not much of a stress for her to be friends with you. Unless you are acting "strange" around her (like, always talking about or hinting to your feelings for her, trying to touch her, etc), then she basically has no reason to stop being friends with you. Obviously it's different for you: your friendship is most likely hurting you, because you keep hoping for it to turn into a romantic relationship someday. Whether you're willing to keep "suffering in silence" for your friendship's sake, is your choice.

[bcgirl]

to her, you are just an ego booster friend. A "friend" who tells her how great of a person she is, how much you admire her....she says "thanks" and then keeps you around for those lonely moments. Don't be friends with her...what is the point?