ex's ex's moving back soon...

[carrots39]

Met my (ex) boyfriend 5 months ago, we didn't get together until 3 months ago...there has been some friction and at one point he decided to go on a break because of the problems we had (he think i was not caring enough/inconsiderate).. so after he said that, those two weeks I've been trying to make amends to show him that thinks would work. he's been taking me seriously and all this time, he was the one constantly bringing up about our future together (esp because there is a chance I might be studying in Paris and he works in London)... so I've been able to make amends and the relationship was back on track. Literally the day after his birthday, I was asking if he could write me a valentines card, he said no. I was like why? and nagged him about it for a while. basically he just said I don't have time for these things/not bothered (he's 28, im 20) then 5 minutes later he abruptly said we should break up, he was nearly about to cry as well (his eyes were all red) while comforting me as well because I was devstated already... I was like wtf?! literally a day ago we were still discussing about valentines day plans, a week ago you were discussing about our potential future together.

At that point he broke up with me, I wanted him back and he was like because things are going too well, that is precisely the reason why we need to break up, because from now on, the relationship will only go downhill and I don't want you end up hating me and we won't be able to be friends. I am not the kind of caring boyfriend that you are looking for, you should find someone your age who has that time to care about you in that way e.g. writing you valentines day cards etc. I was like wtf?! who are you to decide whether or not this relationship will not work out? The fact that I've made amends and things are going well, shouldn't that be a good sign that things are working out? He thinks even if I am able to compromise with him now, in the future that will not be the case because I will still want the things I want and I wouldn't be happy at the end of the day. I was like whether or not I can compromise is not for you to decide just because you are more experienced than me. Everyone is different and people would change because of love. THEN he said my ex is moving back to London soon ... and I guess i'll end up with her. So I told him, I can't be friends what would you do. Then a few hours later he called me to change his mind and that he wants to give us another shot. At that point, I accepted the offer because I was so heart broken. but a few hours later, I realised that wasn't the right thing to do. So then the next day I broke up with him and he was like wtf?!

his ex (someone he's met when he was 24, longd-ed for a year but he cheated in between because he felt that he was young/unable to settle, then when they were both in Paris they were still together for another year until the girl had to leave. She broke up with him because of distance. The whole time she didn't know he cheated etc.) Then during end of Oct, that was before we officially got together, he was on holiday and they met up "as friends" when he travelled to her country during that week. He said he didn't cheat or anything because he liked me back then. in march 2011, before we met (during end of sept 2011) she was in london for a month on a "business trip" apparently and she stayed with him during that period.

But basically he said that Atm, he said he loves me and not her. (but I just think it's because she's not physically there?) and that he doesn't deny the fact that he still likes her, but I need to understand that she will always be a part of his life. He even showed up at my doorstep with groceries on valentines day, goingn to cook for me (I don't even live in London! he has to travel by train to come to my place), when we both originally agreed to not meet. He just thinks because I am still young, the chances of me leaving him is much higher, plus there is a chance that I might not be in London etc. he also doesn't like the fact that I have male friends...gets jealous really easily...Whereas his ex (the love of his life?) will definitely be in London and she will always be there for him. (plus his ex is 6 years older than him) They are still in contact atm, by email. But for now my ex and I have broken things off, but whenever he's out drunk, he still sends me I love you messages, and we are still texting everyday. He doesn't want to be with me until June (when she arrives), and then cheats on me. He said its important to balance out feelings and risk. Technically I've left the scene already, but we still love each other. He said his feelings are still undecided as to who he wants to be with because he really loves me as well...I obviously told him I'm not going to sit around and wait until he's decided who to be with. Atm it's 35% to be with me, 65% to be with her. If I end up studying in London next year, that may change.

He said ideally he would want to remain lovers with me and be with her when she comes back but he knows that I would be devastated so he didn't even want to try and pull that situation off because he loves me...
He said I mean alot to him and this is the first relationship he's been in where he doesn't feel the urge to mess around...and he's still offering to help me with things and being nice. he did ask if we could meet in the future, on valentines day before he left, and i said better not for now and he's respected that.

so lost in life...not sure what to do.... I'm definitely sure that I can't be with him now until june/july, but I'm just wondering what if he looks for me again in the future...say sept/dec, is mentally cheating something that is worth forgiving?

[Boisdevie]

So you have been together for only 3 months and it's not working. And the guy you want has already shown himself capable of cheating.
Well good luck because you're going to need it. Ca va pas marcher.

[carrots39]

he hasn't cheated or done anything yet, it's just that because he loves us both.
more like, because it's working out so well now, he's scared he wont be able to break up with me when the time comes because he'll be too attached.

but yeah youre right, the fact he's showing that he's capable of cheating, it's not gonna work.

so you think he doesn't deserve a second chance even lets say by the end of this year or so? what if he completely lets go of his ex? not something that deserves to be forgiven you think?

[Boisdevie]

He should have already forgotten about his ex before he met you. I don't think he deserves a chance at all.