photos of ex's

[sunny123]

hi, quick question is there a problem with me having photos of my old partners? these are NOT dirty photos, they are kept in a draw where I keep a lot of of things that are personal to me, like tickets from first dates at cinema's, days out, leaflets from places I have visited, flyers from hotels i have stayed at, just basically things that are personal to me. I hardly look at any of the stuff, but one day when I am old and I wont to know what happened in my life i can use these things and remember. My girlfriend has insisted I throw everything away to do with any Ex girlfriends. She has ripped a lot of these things up now, was she right to do so, answers please! She finds it too wired that I have photos are X partners, good or bad these are things in my life, and some were friends a long time before we decided on a relationship

[sookie6]

Nothing wrong but maybe you should keep them in a remote place (like in a box in the garage). This way you're putting some distance with your past but at the same time you are keeping valuable memories and chunks of your life that have made you who you are now.

I understand your gfriends point of view but with the benefit of experience I would rather date someone who still holds exes dear to his heart rather than someone who dispose of people and memories with too much easiness...

At the same time I would rather date someone who is friendly with an ex (I mean friendly not friends...I don't want exes part of ouy lives) than someone who blanks them out...

It really says a lot about a person I think and the way they deal with feelings and how they treat people in their life.

[the_robot]

It's your past, you don't need to forget it unless you want to... so imo, you should keep them.

[Doc Durian]

Scan the lot into high quality images, back them up somewhere, and rid yourself of the hard evidence.

Wipe your hard drive... wash it... reinstall operating system and never save anything on it except photos of your current GF.

The same goes for your mobile phone.

It shouldn't matter that you have evidence of "a past"... but take it from me... the less evidence of it, the better all around.

[starbuck]

No, your girlfriend not right to rip up your stuff. If I dated a guy who did this, he'd be out the door. This woman has major jealousy issues.

You should totally be allowed to have mementos from your past, although tucking them away discreetly would be my suggestion as well. As long as you're not taking out your old first date movie stubs with a googly-eyed look on your face and talking about what a wonderful time you had with your first love, then I don't see a problem.

[Incognito]

I keep all sorts of things from my past. Pictures of exes, ex friends, journals. I don't look at them often, but I do from time to time....privately. If you were taking those pictures out and looking at them when she was around then I can understand why she'd be upset. It doesn't give her the right to destroy your property though. Sometimes people keep things like pictures because they still are attached to the person or still feel a connection. Others, like us, simply keep them as reminders. She may not understand this, and in order to avoid future situations you should probably buy a lock box for your items that you keep out of sight.

[Teddy057]

What about pictures on facebook? I just got out of a year and a month relationship, we had a lot of pictures up.... Do i leave them up?

[Doc Durian]

Facebook is CIA... do you trust THEM?

[Incognito]

Facebook is different. If you want those pictures, you should download them to an external hard drive, or put them on a cd. Facebook is a way to broadcast to everyone what you are doing, what is important to you etc. Having pictures of exes should be private, not public. If you argue to her that you should be able to keep them up you are being selfish.

[xxazurexx]

I have photos of two of my exes. One of them my first love and the other photos are my ex husband.

The one of the first love, is a photo he sent me of himself five years ago and when he got back in touch with me, after I hadnt seen him for ten years.....so it's a treasured and sentimental possession. Woe betide any future partner who tore that up, but then I wouldn't have it on show. I keep things of sentimental value, locked away
Photos of my ex husband are in an album. Majority of pics are him, with our daughter, so Im highly unlikely to throw them away. My daughter keeps this album, in her bedroom..

And Im unsure why anyone would still want to display pics of an ex on Facebook, when they are with someone new. That is blatently asking for trouble IMO!!!

[Gigabitch]

Pictures of exes should be kept in a private place with your journals, not out in a drawer. Having them easily accessible implies that you take them out and look at them often, whether that's actually the case or not.

Take pics off of Facebook as soon as you break up. That is a public place and reflects what's going on in your life. Having pics of exes on Facebook makes it look like you're hoping to get back together, both to our ex and to your current gf.

The very idea that your gf would dare rip up your photos incenses me. Why are you letting her get away with this?

[girl68]

I agree with the notion that your gf was terribly wrong for ripping them up but also that those pictures should not be in a drawer. If anything keep a hot picture of YOUR gf in your drawer and put your keepsakes in a box under the bed (or garage or similar).

[doppelgaenger]

Why cling to the past? When you keep mementos, you're unwilling to let go of the past. You're insecure about your memories and you're keeping a physical entity to help you reminisce.

I used to have a couple photos and various sentimental things from my previous relationships, but I threw them all away. They meant a lot to me at the time I was with those women and for a short time afterward. You have to judge what is significant and what is not significant. First love? So what, it happens to everyone. If it's really as special and romantic as you think, write a book about it. It probably wasn't the ideal relationship though, so why patronize your ex like that? Now if it were an ex husband/wife and you had children together, that would be a different story because of all the obvious baggage, but this isn't your case.

The larger concern in your case is your current gf's behavior. She's got some mental issues. If she'd just thrown your photos away that would have been slightly acceptable. But she tore them and it's very obvious that she did this out of anger and jealousy. This is how she's going to handle situations where her emotions are challenged. She's going to be very irrational about things. Keep that in mind as you continue this relationship. Any more red flags and you should consider breaking up.