More proof I'll never understand women.

[actingnurse]

Ok... please keep all "what an idiot" comments to yourselves... could really use advice/support.

Met my ex while working in Houston last summer. We dated for a few weeks then my work took me to Dallas - 3 1/2 hours away - we decided we could do the long distance thing. Shortly after I moved we got engaged and on 12/16 we got married. I know I know... yes it was fast. It was a total whirlwind. We were head over heels for each other - or so I thought. So we got married - she had to stay in Houston until her daughter finished the semester and then they would move this coming May. Well, not long after we got married I noticed she started withdrawing some. Then in January it happened. She was going to move all of her things to the apartment here with me - minus a bed and some necessities since she was planning on spending most of her free time here. Well, the week she was supposed to move she called me - said she got scared - everything went too fast... and she wanted a divorce. We're talking 3 weeks here... yeah even Kim lasted longer than that.

So she says she wants a divorce - i counter with might as well get an annulment - she says fine. She comes down the next weekend to get the things that she'd already moved here... and had divorce papers in hand. We decided I'd go ahead and file the annulment papers here... well, she'd text every Friday to see if I'd filed yet - I kind of put it off for two reasons - one it was expensive and two, I was hoping for a change of heart. Unlike her, I took the marriage seriously and I loved her so much. Well, I eventually decided she wouldnt change her mind and in early Feb I met someone - went on a date with them. Long story short she found out that I briefly dated the person (10 days - 2 dates) - now I'm a cheater b/c the divorce wasnt final and she's wanting to try to work on things...

So - am I a cheater? In my mind she didnt want me... I was hurt... I met someone who wanted to get to know me. The only reason the papers werent filed is b/c I kept putting it off or else I would have ALREADY been single. What part of "I want a divorce" and weekly texts to see if I'd filed yet should have made me think she wanted to work on things?? I still care about her a LOT... I still, sadly, wanted to fix things... but now shes mad at me all over again for it. Should I just cut my losses and file? Should I try to work things out? Am I a cheater? I have always prided myself in not being a cheater... and I swore if I ever married I would fight to the bitter end to keep from getting a divorce... but what do you do when the person doesn't want you? then decides they do? it's not fair to me on the back and forth...

Sorry for the long rant... just needed to get some things out. I would appreciate any feedback/similar stories/support Very lonely and hurt right now

[gigigi]

In my opinion, you should just file the papers and move on. It would have been better if you had done this originally, but if you delay any longer you'll always be stuck in a vicious cycle of going back and forth with her. To me, it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants (which is a really bad mindset to have for a marriage), and it is immature of her to only want to work on things when she perceives a possibility of losing you. It's better to cut your losses now or at least not continued to be married on paper, when obviously the commitment isn't there on her side.

[smackie9]

Well for one thing you say you wanted to work things out, that you really still cared for her and said that you took the marriage seriously....ya right. You moved on rather quickly my friend so what does that make you? That makes you a hypocrite.

I can totally understand where your ex is coming from. She got real real scared and you didn't know how to handle the situation, so that hit a high note on her anxiety and made her demand a divorce. You held off so to her she felt that you did want to work things out and that you were giving her some space to work through her fears and anxiety, but instead you started dating. That shows to her that in reality that you didn't really care and that blew her away....you weren't going to make any sacrifice for her and be dedicated to making a real effort to salvage your relationship. So at the end of the day in her eyes you didn't really care about her that it was all a sham. And to think you didn't have the decency to finalize the divorce before you started dating someone.

You are not an idiot, you are just an irresponsible person that doesn't think things through.