I have been with my boyfriend for ten months things were and have been good, however I have these issues - him and his ex message eachother on a daily basis and I really cannot cope with this anymore. She does not live in the same country as us so that's one relief but I can't stand this constant contact they have. Unfortunately, I go through his phone frequently behind his back and read all their messages - I know nothing sexually is happening between them but I feel he is emotionally attached to both of us and to him emotions seem more important than sex. Most of the messages are just about their daily lives - studies, work etc but occassionally he tells her he misses her and will come visit her soon and she says the same.
Last month he was struggling a lot for money and I supported him in this - stayed in, no extravagant nights - but then I found messages - he had sent her a book - mailed it abroad - v expensive!! I felt awful after reading that but obviously I can't say anything as then he'll know I've read through his messages but I didn't feel I mattered to him.
When I do bring up the issue, he gets irritated at me and says they're just friends and I need to get over it. That's another issue I have - the lack of support and reassurance. I recently had an argument with a mutual female friend of ours because she made a demeaning comment about my relationship with my boyfriend on twitter. He made it clear he wasn't going to get involved. He texted her to say nothing had changed in his and hers' relationship and he said, "I made that claer to my girlfriend too" I feel he could have shown some support for me considering he loves me but he gets very angry about this and says I need to get over it.
He is a very loving boyfriend but only when it suits him. We laugh so much together and I really love him. But when I have my issues, his answer is I just need to get over it. We had a massive row this morning and he ignored me the whole day at work - I tried to talk to him but he was not very interested. Just said - he wants to be in this relationship but I need to make a decision if I want to and I need to get over my issues. I don't want to lose him, but I feel upset he still talks to his ex, is not willing to cut down on the contact with his ex or support me. He never seems to fight for me - just says, I have to deal with it and end it if I want. Could I PLEASE hear your perspectives on this because I feel I am going mad and it's all completely unhealthy. It pains me to end it, but is it the right thing to do?