I finally walked away. he's a mess i dont know what to do

[simonmagus]

If he shoots himself in the face and dies, that's his prerogative. She is not to blame for his decisions or reactions to her decisions. Do you not believe people are responsible for their own actions?

I don't recall ever saying that people are not responsible for their own actions. I also did not say that she would be to blame. However, I would imagine that she may feel somewhat to blame if this happened. I am only calling for careful consideration in cases like this. Surely you are not arguing against careful consideration before taking action.

[Wakeup]

Yeah, I know that there were preexisitng conditions on my part but I am also certain that they would not have exploded in the way they did had I been shown just a small amount of compassion. I am just pointing out that there ccan be bad side effects from the no contact rule.

Suppose for instance that a guy had the potential to be suicidal. The advice given to the girl is to go no contact with him. She follows the advice and later the guys shots himself in the face and dies. Was this good advice considering the circumstances? I am aware that I am the only one who has even mentioned suicide here, but it is something to think about when passing out the all too often heard advice on loveforum of "Just dump them. Go ghost."

Sweety, we have no control over others, only ourselves. What anyone decides to do after they are no longer partners is on the person making that decision. It's certainly NOT the responsibility of the person who has left and only has control over what they themselves do and how they react to circumstances.

When someone no longer wants to be with you (the general you) then the responsible thing for them to do is to tell you why and then give you a chance to say your side and (more times than not beg for another chance) and then for them to set it in firm and unwavering clearness that it is over and that no further contact will be forthcoming.

Something tells me that either you kept trying and trying and trying and wouldn't take no for an answer so she went silent or: She had continued (like OP) to give you false hope by waffling and so you didn't understand that you were actually finished as a couple. When it finally sunk in when you thought you lost control... you couldn't maturely handle your own emotional response. I trust you'll handle it differently this time even if you do get no contact.

If someone is so distraught that our differing advice will send them to end their life or to even personally attack fellow posters ad-nauseum (rather that the post) for differing opinions then (IMO) they have no businress coming here and should instead go to their nearest hospital for a psych evaluation. Opinions are just that, take them or leave them. As I said, we can only control our own actions.. never those of others.

[simonmagus]

I think that we should all take other peoples emotions into consideration when making decisions. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone did that? The world would be such a nicer place if we all were considerate of others. Please keep in mind that I am not the OP and am not asking advice on a situation that happened to me almost 15 years ago.

[Wakeup]

I think that we should all take other peoples emotions into consideration when making decisions. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone did that? The world would be such a nicer place if we all we considerate of others. Please keep in mind that I am not the OP and am not asking advice on a situation that happened to me almost 15 years ago.

What you're failing to see though is that by her no longer giving him false hope (by answering his emotional malstorms) then she IS taking his emotions into consideration.

Being kind has more (and way better) forms than enabling.

Please keep in mind that this all has a link into what the Opening post is about and that countering your opinion is not necessarily just about you. Although, if it resonates with you and you (or anyone else) gleans something from it, then Yea!

[simonmagus]

...countering your opinion is not necessarily just about you.

You are one of the few people here that consistently give pretty good advice but I have to point out that this...

Something tells me that either you kept trying and trying and trying and wouldn't take no for an answer so she went silent or: She had continued (like OP) to give you false hope by waffling and so you didn't understand that you were actually finished as a couple. When it finally sunk in when you thought you lost control... you couldn't maturely handle your own emotional response.

is obviously your opinion cloaked in a negative assumption directed specifically towards myself. Like I said, was a long time ago, don't need help with it, don't need someone to do a sequel either. I have stated my opinion and now I am out of this thread.

[Wakeup]

This is obviously your opinion cloaked in a negative assumption directed specifically towards myself. Like I said, was a long time ago, don't need help with it, don't need someone to do a sequel either. I have stated my opinion and now I am out of this thread.

Fair enough, my bad. I should have posted it more as a generalization rather than address my thoughts as being toward your individual situation.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL. Anyway SimonMagnus, I would be concerned that someone who is suicidal over a breakup might also be capable of harming their ex. Happens.

But, I agree, a more mature breakup would be staged: first, considerate breakup w/out antagonism. Followed by no contact if its clear there is some instability.

So, what does a civilized breakup look like? That might be more helpful for the young ones to ponder.