he walked out without warning

[sbgirl]

My boyfriend of two years and father of my nine month old daughter up and left us 2 days ago. I am a wreck. He is a heavy drinker and lately I have been getting on him pretty hard about getting a job, getting out of bed before 2,cutting down on the drinking. His friend just moved back to town and it has been party party party. He is now living with him. The friend has never liked me and has been pushing for this. I miss him and the baby of course is clueless, he was here now he isn't. Do I try to make contact or just sit it out and wait for him to come around? How long do I wait?

[sfalexi]

Sounds to me like this guy is a loser. I say get child support and find a non-alcoholic guy with a job that will respect you and your child.

So my verdict is to neither wait nor contact him (until you have that court order for child support). He's not growing up and being the man he needs to be. Find someone who is a man and not some childish loser.

Alexi

[IceQueen]

Amyjean?

And yes
1) do not contact him
2) do not wait for him to come around
3) do not take him back when/if he *does* come around
4) sue him if you don't get the alimony payments.

[sbgirl]

I guess in my mind I know this is probably a good thing. He needs to get his act together and be a emotionally, financially supportive mate as well as a good father. I also have two older children (my husband passed away) and they too consider him "dad". This is all just very overwhelming for us to deal with. He is a schmuck....but I do love him, inside somewhere he is a good person. I understand if he wants to "leave" me but the kids deserve at least a phone call or visit explaining his departure. I gave up ALL my friends because he didn't like them, I don't have any family to turn to, so I turned to the world for advice. Thank you.

[IceQueen]

Do you really want your kids to be raised by someone who is only a good person *somewhere* *deep* *inside*?

[sfalexi]

but I do love him, inside somewhere he is a good person

This is what every girl that goes out with a 'bad boy' says. "Oh. I know he doesn't do much now and drinks a little much, but deep down he's really sweet and I bet I can get it out of him."

It's not worth all the effort when there are plenty of guys out there who are sweet both deep down AND on the outside. As for you loving him, well, that's your choice. Nearly everyone in this forum/world/etc has fallen in love and also had to get over someone that they've loved. There's no reason why you won't be able to get over your love for him. Obviously reading this it's going to sound very hard and damn near impossible to do, but you yourself probably know of plenty of other women who've had to learn to "fall out of love" with someone and if they can do it, so can you.

I understand if he wants to "leave" me but the kids deserve at least a phone call or visit explaining his departure.

You're right. They do deserve that. But judging by how he's acted so far (drinking, partying, jobless) do you think he'll come to this conclusion through his own mind? Which is why you deserve to find someone else who is more mature than a college freshman who just wants to drink, party, have sex, and not deal with real life.

I gave up ALL my friends because he didn't like them

This was probably one of the first signs of him being bad news, but unfortunately you missed it. I'm sorry that this has happened but perhaps some of them, if they were truly good friends, you can call back and explain the situation and perhaps some of them will be willing to forgive you and understand and help you get through this time. It's good to have someone there to turn too. And an old friend might be able to help you out significantly.

Also, for the future, be more wary of who you choose to be so close to you in life. The "bad boy" person might be appealing, but keep your kids interests in heart too. At this point not only worry about whether you're attracted to or feel a connection with someone, but also think about how they'll treat the children, will they be there for them, offer stability as a father figure, etc. It'll make the screening process a little tougher, but it'd be worth it for you and your family.

Alexi