Is lunch with a female coworker ok?

[dj454]

Ladies help me out here. I have been dating my current gf for 2.5 years now. I love her but we have our differences. One of the big differences is I like to talk about things but she doesn't feel the same way. I have met her mother and I know where she gets it. There is only one right way and it's her way or the highway and no room for discussion. I deal with it but sometimes I need to vent. I work with a lady that is very much like me. We are both introverts and we agree on almost everything. She had a bad situation with her ex as did I and we run into each other at work sometimes and we talk up a storm. It makes us both feel better but we work in different departments and it's hard to get time to talk. We ran into eacg other in the hall last week and talked for 30 minutes and we had to make.ourselves stop so we could get back to work. She told me we need to go to lunch together so we can vent to each other. This is the second time she's said it and I do want to. I like her as a friend and I couldn't see it otherwise especially since we work together and she just had a bad experience with that recently. I am completly honest with my gf and she knows we are friends. I wouldn't go without letting my gf know. The last time I met an old female friend for lunch she got all jealous and goofy on me.Should I.just not go to lunch with my friend? Am I wrong to vent to her? My gf won't talk to me about anything. It helps me to talk and keeps me balanced. What do you suggest?

[IndiReloaded]

She had a bad situation with her ex as did I and we run into each other at work sometimes and we talk up a storm. It makes us both feel better but we work in different departments and it's hard to get time to talk. We ran into eacg other in the hall last week and talked for 30 minutes and we had to make.ourselves stop so we could get back to work. She told me we need to go to lunch together so we can vent to each other.

Am I wrong to vent to her? My gf won't talk to me about anything. It helps me to talk and keeps me balanced. What do you suggest?

This is how affairs start. Sorry, but she shouldn't be venting to you nor vice-versa. If you need to complain about your marriage, do it with your male buddies or a counsellor.

Lunch to discuss work is fine. I do this all the time. But you are describing something very different.

[dj454]

Ok got you. I am not married just dating but I understand. My girlfriend has made it clear time and time again that she will never marry me for what it's worth. She still talks to her ex all the time and has dinner with him and he has spent the night at her house but they have a kid together and as I was informed that makes it different. I'm not talking about an affair I just need to talk sometimes and thats one reason I get on here jist to vent or to see what others think. I have very few friends the best male friend I had the only one I could talk to blew his brains out last march. As far as a counselor I would be glad to talk to one but my girlfriend thinks I'm stupid and it's a waste of money and all they will do is brainwash me. This is what I deal with but I'll jist suck it up and shut up.

[robFord]

Is she the one? The tone in your post suggests otherwise. You don't seem happy.
Start with that =/

[IndiReloaded]

You don't seem happy. Start with that =/

Agreed^. Sounds like your relationship isn't doing so well. Fix that, or get out. But what you are describing w/this other gal sounds like trouble. I don't think you need to 'suck anything up', just focus on the real problem.

[dj454]

I don't think there's a fix for it. It is what it is. I'm with an uncompromising woman that can't show affection or talk about her feelings except anger and I think she still carries a torch for her ex. Or I guess I should say her husband because even though they split 5 years ago they never got a divorce. She got pissy with me when I suggested she get a divorce. Like I said earlier she's quick to inform me she's not going to marry me anyway. Part of me says just leave and be done with it. I have my own house and so does she. We only share a phone bill but it's hard for me to quit. I just keep holding on. Sometimes I don't know why. I think because I hate to fail I hate to quit and I don't want to be alone. I live hours away from all my family and like I said earlier I am introverted and I don't make friends very well and the one friend I had that I.could count on killed himself. I know I'll be fine if I do end it but I would rather fix it but I don't think anything is going to change.

[gardenofjade]

You are asking for permission to cheat. No. Sorry. Wrong.

[dj454]

I am not asking for permission to cheat just talk to a friend. Nevermind I'm damned if I do damned if I don't. So no female friends? So if I talk to a friend that's a female I'm cheating?

[Saya]

Maybe go to lunch with her and bring another friend with you? (a male friend?) But I don't think going to lunch just with her is a good idea....just because you have a gf.
It is ok to talk to her about your problems etc, but you should be talking to your gf about this and she needs to be able to help you, listen to you and understand you as well.

But if you want a good relationship, you need to have a good communication and good understanding with each other.
My bf is introvert and I'm not... at the start of the relationship, it was hard because he wouldn't talk to me about anything....... he would always keep everything to himself and not share... his not close to his family and they don't talk or see each other often either...
So I told him that, to able to have a good relationship, he needs to be more open up so that I can understand him better.
I mean if there is something wrong, I can tell by his facial expression, but he never used to share anything with me and it was really bad for me and the relationship.
But now it's getting a lot better and his trying hard to open up and talk to me, share with me alot.
To me, I need to have good two way communication in a relationship or the relationship will not work out.... well it might, but probably won't last long.

[dj454]

I am willing to talk to my gf but she won't talk. She will shut down any attempts to talk about anything serious.

[Saya]

I am willing to talk to my gf but she won't talk. She will shut down any attempts to talk about anything serious.

You need to explain to her that to able to have a good relationship, she needs to communicate well.

[dj454]

Saya I understand and that is what is so frustrating she doesn't want to talk and she won't when I try she will tell me to hush. If I don't she will tell me to leave. I have never met anybody that is this stubborn. If she's angry she will unload on me and get nasty. After she calms down if I mention something she said shw will say well you ahouldnt have pissed me off. She's a tough nut to crack trust me.

[Saya]

You must really love her a lot to be with her!!
I hope she knows how lucky she is to have a bf like you.

But it must be frustrating for you when you are introvert and likes talking/listening....

But I really think that, you shouldn't go to this luck with just this lady...invite someone else with you and try to have 3way conversation.

[searock]

It sounds like you aren't happy at all in your relationship. "Not wanting to be alone" and being afraid of change are NOT good enough reasons to stay in a relationship with someone you aren't happy with. You need to make your own happiness. So either change your relationship having an honest talk with your gf, making her realize how her behavior makes you want to "vent" to other women (no matter how angry she gets), or get out of it.

The alternative, which you are so adamant on pursuing, is having an emotional affair with another woman while you stay with your gf out of habit and comfort. I'm sure that subconsciously you are looking for a safe branch to cling to before you let go of the one you are currently holding on to (your gf).

[IndiReloaded]

If there's no fix then its time to pack it in. Then you'll be free to see other women.

And of course you can talk to female friends. But, and this is the key, what is your motive for doing so? If its to feel better about your crappy relationship, then just end the crappy relationship. Right?

What you are describing tho, is how affairs start. Its not cheating.. yet but its going down that path. This female 'friend' is meeting needs your partner isn't. Have a read:

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