Moving in together issue(s)

[Joanne Shmo]

We decided to move in together. Currently I live at home with my parents and he rents an apartment by himself. We're about 25mins drive from each other.

Originally we said we'd find somewhere inbetween where each of us is now, and we went to a few inspections... a couple we saw were OK/would do, but nothing that seemed perfect, and we saw a lot of dumps...

Now, one of his friends has decided to move interstate and my boyfriend wants us to take over the rent on his house. The thing is, the place is even further away from where I am now (only by about 5mins, but still). The house itself is great, the rent is amazingly cheap, it's near a nice park, etc... my boyfriend's main pull to it is that it's very convenient his work - he is a self employed tradesman - the house has a lock up garage for his tools, ample parking for his 2 cars, and is on a corner of a busy road so he'd get a lot of work from advertising outside the house. Also he and his friend are acquaintences with the landlord, so swapping names on the lease would be quite smooth and easy.

Buuut... it's a fair hike from all my friends and family... we already see a lot more of his friends because I'm in HIS area all the time and he's not in mine (because I live at home with my parents)... and I feel like if I'm LIVING there I'll see even less of them...

Also, it's kind of already 'his turf' being his friend's former place... I would have preferred a new place to make 'ours', rather than trying to transform someone else's home/turf...


What do you think?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What does it matter what we think? You're going to feel how you feel, regardless, and you're probably going to be right, to boot. I suggest you don't move in with him, or into a particular place, unless you really want to. It's going to cause strain and resentment if you do.

From what you've said, it sounds like the house your b/f wants to move into is the most reasonable option you have. It even sounds like you like the house itself better than any others, but the personal implications of moving there are what's making the decision hard. It seems like you blame him a little for always having to be in his area, but I don't see it's his problem that you live with your parents. I also don't see how it's "his turf" if you're paying rent too, but being further from your friends is an issue. Can you make more of an effort to go see them? How far will you be from them?

[Cerby]

I think you're being a tad bit anal. You're moving out, but what did you want, to move across the street? 30 minutes is far enough away that you're actually out on your own, but you can still drive back without too much hassle.

Plus its cheap, and its clearly a great option for him and his business to help the income towards the household. This whole "his turf" things is one of the most rediculous things I've ever heard. What if he had a new mortgage and couldn't move or sell? Would you just break up with him?

[paloma]

HAve you talked to him about it? Have you let him know you want to move to a completely new place etc?
If you arent willing to move with him even if it is his friends turf, then perhaps youre not reeady to move in with him at all. Especially since it is only five minutes away from where you live.