Sex Is becoming an issue?

[Togoru]

Lately intimacy with my boyfriend has been a bit awkward. We usually do it twice when we see each other, like that's our normal amount. But the past few weeks we've mostly done it the usual, but a few nights it only happened once, and those nights we could have done it our usual amount. And I can't help my sex drive, it's usually twice or even more that I enjoy and feel satisfied with. My boyfriend hasn't seemed as interested in doing the usual amount with me. Sometimes it seems like I have to try way too hard to excite him enough to go again. And when it hasn't been the usual I'll ask why and he will say things like "well it was a one time night for me. I was satisfied with one time" or "I tried" or "well you were upset about it so I didn't know what to do." and also things like "well we don't always have to do it twice. We've done it twice every time we've hung out for a while now. Some nights we will just do it once". And then when I say I want to again but how I don't want him to feel like he has to he tells me "well sometimes I do feel like I have to, but I do anyway to make you happy." and that makes me feel awful! I know sex isn't everything, I'd never make him do anything with me I'd want him to want it too. But this has never been a problem before and I always thought we had the same sex drives, but maybe not. I feel like lately I want it more than he does. I just want a balance of both sex and other things, I don't see why he wants to cut back or abstain (he told me he just wants a day or days now where we don't have any sex and just "bond"). Im flattered he wants to do more with me than just sex, but sex was never all we did or a problem before! I dont know if hes always done this, but it seems like hes been saving a lot of images (from online) of other women (pornographic, not of anyone I know). But I can't tell if he's losing interest in me sexually or what could be going on. But im a really sexual person and so this is kind of hard that our sex life seems to be declining. Advice?

[romantic_guy]

A guy has a recovery time that a woman does not have. A woman can have orgasm after orgasm (that's just not fair!!) but a guy must wait a period of time before he can cum again. If it is once in the morning and once at night it can happen but for some men that is even difficult. So while he might have been doing that, it may not have been all that easy. What I do is bring my wife to orgasm orally, with my fingers, or with a vibrator them have mine with her later...or right away. That might be something you guys can do. My wife does not have as strong a sex drive as you, but I would give her as many orgasms as she wanted any time she wanted it.

I must say, though, I don't understand why a guy would get off to porn when he has someone like you around. As you can see, we just had a thread that went on ad nauseum about the subject. Although, he may not be getting off, just looking. Now that I think about it, I don't know how he would have anything left to get off as much sex as you are having. So (as you can tell I am thinking while I am typing) I would say it is probably that he just has a hard time cumming that often.

[Togoru]

He's told me it's hard sometimes to go again, which I'm not a girl so I don't understand what that feels like. But hearing another man say that helps me understand more. I believed my boyfriend but I wasn't sure if that was just him or most men.

As for the porn, I don't know. When I asked if I was enough and said how I provide him pictures like that of myself, because I do, and how I didn't understand or wanted to know why he still so into it or uses it I'd assume frequently. he told me "it's normal" and how all guys do that, how I also "need to accept it" and he also said "I'll always look at other women". I knew most guys enjoy looking at that stuff but I didn't need to have him say it to me that way. Like I notice and enjoy looking at other hot guys too but I'd never tell him that. Although I appreciate his honesty, but it was awkward for me. Especislly the amount of images he has. But it seems to never affected our sex life, I dont think it is now or if it has been, he tells me when he knows we hang out he will save himself for me and not masturbate, but when we are not together he will look at images like that and masturbate. Which I don't have a problem with masturbation or porn, I'm not threatened by images, I guess it's something I'll get used to in time? He's my first real boyfriend (I'm 19 and he's a year younger) and it's been my longest relationship (almost a year and a half now) so I'm still learning how to deal with things or what's "normal". So as far as the porn, I have mixed feelings about it despite knowing most guys are into that no matter how hot their girlfriend is or no matter how much sex happens in the relationship.

[romantic_guy]

He's told me it's hard sometimes to go again, which I'm not a girl so I don't understand what that feels like.

That is key. You really don't know what it feels like. You can probably have orgasm after orgasm. Here is a good article on this: [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_%28sex%29]Refractory period (sex) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url] By the way, my wife is one of those whose clitoris gets way too sensitive for her to have another one right away so she is not multi-orgasmic. Even at that, she can go again much sooner than I can. It can take me 8-12 hours. Of course, I am 56, a very healthy 56 (I am a runner), but 56 nonetheless. I just thought of something else. If it has been a while, say 4 or 5 days, I can go again much sooner. If we are having sex every day or 2 times a day (like we did on our anniversary trip) it takes longer as the week progresses.

As for the porn, I don't know. When I asked if I was enough and said how I provide him pictures like that of myself, because I do, and how I didn't understand or wanted to know why he still so into it or uses it I'd assume frequently. he told me "it's normal" and how all guys do that, how I also "need to accept it" and he also said "I'll always look at other women". I knew most guys enjoy looking at that stuff but I didn't need to have him say it to me that way. Like I notice and enjoy looking at other hot guys too but I'd never tell him that.

Neither my wife or I let this bother us. I will remark about other women and she will about other men. Of course, we have 39 years behind us so we are secure ion each others love.

So as far as the porn, I have mixed feelings about it despite knowing most guys are into that no matter how hot their girlfriend is or no matter how much sex happens in the relationship.

I understand the mixed feelings. I could say all day that I think a guy should not look at it if is a problem with the wife or GF, but it probably would not stop them. But understand it has nothing to do with him not finding you hot.

Hope that helps!!!

[Togoru]

That is key. You really don't know what it feels like. You can probably have orgasm after orgasm. Here is a good article on this: [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_%28sex%29]Refractory period (sex) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/url] By the way, my wife is one of those whose clitoris gets way too sensitive for her to have another one right away so she is not multi-orgasmic. Even at that, she can go again much sooner than I can. It can take me 8-12 hours. Of course, I am 56, a very healthy 56 (I am a runner), but 56 nonetheless. I just thought of something else. If it has been a while, say 4 or 5 days, I can go again much sooner. If we are having sex every day or 2 times a day (like we did on our anniversary trip) it takes longer as the week progresses.

I understand it more now :O. Some days he has no problem going right again, but it seems only if it's been a few days in between that he can go right again. It seems on weekends sometimes (cause not all the time, sometimes he can go again but he will say it's harder) he will have a harder time or be more satisfied or content with just once because weekends are when I see him most often, although a couple times or once during the week as well. Although him not being able to go right again has been more frequent. He told me he'd "push through the pain and just do it again, then enjoy it anyway after a couple minutes and want to then".

Neither my wife or I let this bother us. I will remark about other women and she will about other men. Of course, we have 39 years behind us so we are secure ion each others love.

I understand that though! And I am sure in time I will feel the same way about it too or more understanding/comfortable with it the more time goes on. My boyfriend thought I had a problem with it (even though I didn't necessarily, I just couldn't understand it/exactly why if he has me) so he apparently (even though it's rather awkward) asked his mother and his grandmother if it was normal that he did that, or if that sort of thing is normal (looking at images like that and using them for masturbation) and they told him it's normal and their husbands do that and how they are fine with how their husbands do and how that doesn't offend them or make them feel bad because it's just imahes. But they have also been married for 23 years and his grandma 50+ years so I'm sure they'd feel comfortable at this point. I think in time I'd feel the same.

I understand the mixed feelings. I could say all day that I think a guy should not look at it if is a problem with the wife or GF, but it probably would not stop them. But understand it has nothing to do with him not finding you hot.

Hope that helps!!!

That's how I feel too, like it's almost a matter of respecting your partner and how they feel. But I wouldn't make him stop and either way I am sure he wouldn't anyway. I appreciate his honesty but I didn't feel it was necessary for him to tell me that in the way that he did. I am confident and know he loves me, he says he'd never cheat on me and I know that. But it's still a little awkward to me and at first made me feel bad. In time I'm sure I won't be as indifferent about it and just "accept it". I don't at all feel threatened by images it's just the matter how I didn't understand why if I send him sexy images of myself or wear cute underwear or have sex frequently or a decent amount then why still look at other women? But I know it has nothing to do with him not finding me hot. He compliments me all the time. Masturbation is normal and I know most guys like to look at that stuff but it's one of those things I'll never quite understand since I don't think like a guy.

[Kaius]

He might be stressed. I know stress would make me want to have sex less. I am a 4X cummer, and even I decline sex when I am stressed.
If he resents you inside, he wouldn't want to have sex as much.
If he is exhausted from work/school/activities, he will want sex less.
If he finds you less attractive, he will want sex less.
Lastly, if he wants someone else, he will want sex less from you.
I can't think of any other reason a healthy male would want sex less from his woman.

[IndiReloaded]

Get a second boyfriend? That will solve your problem and give your poor BF a night off.

[Togoru]

And those are all things I wondered. And I asked him if everything is okay which he said it is. I don't think he is stressed, I don't know about resentment, or if he finds me less attractive or if any of that could be anything to do with it, but he compliments me all the time and says how good I look and things like that. I think part of it is how often we see each other. I mean I see him 2 or 3 days of the week (which is usually friday or saturday, or friday saturday and sunday, or just friday and sunday. It's usually one of those combinations along with one time in the middle of the week like Wednesday. But I don't see him any other days or during the day during the week (except usually Wednesdays) and we stay in contact through texting, but maybe I'm seeing him too much or often? My brother suggested we are possibly spending too much time together when I asked for his advice. Although I know some time apart is good! He still hangs out with his friends and I still see mine as well. He once mentioned a few months ago that we "don't have to have sex every day" or "all the time." or how "sometimes it won't always be two times" because I think he feels like that's all we do, one time he mentioned to me how he thought it was the only "fun" thing we did together and that he wanted to do more with me. Which I was open to the idea of dates or going out more, but he says he wants to go out more but every time we hang out or most times (although we went on a date last weekend) it's usually we can never think of anything to do or where to go, or it's me who thinks of the ideas or he leaves it up to me to pick. He wants me to be happy so he will let me pick and I'll suggest things to do and it's like they're all the same or we can't pick something. I think we just need something to "spice" things up. I'm not sure what that'd be. But I really think he feels like the main thing in our relationship is sex, which is why he has been saying some of those things to me.

Get a second boyfriend? That will solve your problem and give your poor BF a night off.

Also, HAHAHAHA! This made me laugh.

[Togoru]

I'm still confused because his attitude towards sex with me is so different. He hasn't been into wanting to actually go a second time in a while, and if he does, he tells me he feels like he has to or does just to make me happy. I've given up on even wanting it a second time. I mean I can't help how my drive is... but last night for example, we did it once, it lasted a good amount of time but it wasn't as intense for me as it was for him. When I told him this, he said "But that was a while! How did you not feel satisfied with that? I can't keep dealing with hearing how you're not satisfied after every time we have sex. Today I thought 'ughhh I'm seeing her today. But NO wait! I didn't mean it like that, I just meant like "UGH I'm seeing her today and I'll probably want to have sex, and I didn't want this issue to happen again and it did. If this keeps happening then I won't want to have sex at all. I asked my friend and he even agreed that it's a lot of sex.". Well it never seemed like "too much" before, and I feel not satisfied lately sexually despite him telling me how he always tries his hardest. And then it makes me feel terrible like I have a problem or that I want sex too much or something. But this was never a problem before, I don't really get what's been happening. I don't know what to do :/