Red Flags - He lied about having 3 kids, 2 illegitimate.

[skeeziix]

My boyfriend of 2 months has been throwing red flags all over and I am so confused not sure what to do. I have posted on his behavior before which is making me question his morals and ability to be in a committed relationship. This weekend his best friend's girl told me he had 3 kids, I only knew about 1. I confronted him and he wanted to try to tell me it was only 2? And then he said that he told me he had more than 1 kid, pretty sure I would remember that! I took this pretty hard because I never knew my dad and I feel he has a responsibility to these children as a father, he is only in 1 of their lives and the relationship with his ex is so rocky he has trouble seeing even him. I myself haven't ever had children, I am 34 and I guess feel like I am at the age where I need to choose if I want them or not at all. This puts a lot of burden on me now because I would be the only one who could be financially responsible for any children we had, if we had them highly doubtful now.

I think I might be setting myself up for failure here.

[pisces25]

He has been throwing red flags all over and you are not sure what to do? Are you serious? You have been with him only two months. Break it off and move on. No one wants a liar.

[LoveCoach]

My boyfriend of 2 months has been throwing red flags all over and I am so confused not sure what to do. I have posted on his behavior before which is making me question his morals and ability to be in a committed relationship. This weekend his best friend's girl told me he had 3 kids, I only knew about 1. I confronted him and he wanted to try to tell me it was only 2? And then he said that he told me he had more than 1 kid, pretty sure I would remember that! I took this pretty hard because I never knew my dad and I feel he has a responsibility to these children as a father, he is only in 1 of their lives and the relationship with his ex is so rocky he has trouble seeing even him. I myself haven't ever had children, I am 34 and I guess feel like I am at the age where I need to choose if I want them or not at all. This puts a lot of burden on me now because I would be the only one who could be financially responsible for any children we had, if we had them highly doubtful now.

I think I might be setting myself up for failure here.

Hello my friend, thank you very much for taking your time to share with us your current love story. Being genuine and honest to ourself and to our partners is one of a must have skill in LOVING. Yet, it takes years to master such skill. Not only it's hard to master, but it's also time consuming to maintain it. Just like our abs and forearm muscles, once we stop exercise, the muscles will get weaker. Once we stop practicing being genuine and honest, our ability to be honest and genuine to ourself and to our partners will get weaker too. Now, with this information, it seems like your partner's ability to be honest with you is WEAK, and he might need to exercise his HONEST muscle. Are you willing to help him exercise his HONEST muscle to get it stronger?

"I think I might be setting myself up for failure here." Well with only a little information you gave, it is very hard to have a vivid detail of your current life situation. But in general, successful in any area requre being an expert and master the skills of that area. If you want to be successful as a singer, it takes you years of learning and training to be a great vocalist, not to mention about dancing and performing. I firmly believe that it the same principle for LOVING RELATIONSHIP. To be successful in LOVE and have a long lasting relationship, we also need to master the loving skills. So what are those loving skills that we must have to build a long lasting relationship?

One of these loving skills I mentioned earlier is the ability of being honest and genuine to ourself and others. Have we ever had formal training in this skill? Most of us are not fortunate enough to be born in a family that established a strong sense of being honest and genuine, so that we can be raised in a safe and comfortable family environment and learned the right technique of being honest and genuine from the get go. Unfortunately, there are no school or classes that we can take to help us master this skill.

Other loving skills that we must have to be successful in a long lasting relationship are empathy, sacrifice, respect, appreciate, and thank you. The problem is most of us think we have these skills and no need to learn or practice. But the truth is, even pope, gandhi, Dalai Lama has to continue practicing these techniques daily to maintain the strength of these muscles. Once they stop exercising them, the muscles will get weaker.

So back to your statement of failure. I think a better way to look at it is to look deep into yourself and genuinely recognize which of your loving skills are weak. And seriously take couple years to train them to get stronger. This is easier to say then done, because it would be already taking a lot of gut to look deep down in ourself, not to mention taking couple years to train them. Once our loving muscles are all healthy and strong, we will be automatically attracted to the same kind. Until then, we can say we have the right tools to build a long lasting relationship. Until then we can say we have the right singing techniques to be a great vocalist.

being failure or successful in our relationship has very little to do with our partners, but a lot with our decisions of our loving actions.

[couchpotato]

To the deepest dump I would say.But thats just me.

[bcgirl]

you've only invested 2 months on him.....that's peanuts..... dump him right away!!! If he is being dishonest to you so early on in the relationship for his own selfish purposes....think about how much more dishonest he can be later on in the relationship. He lied about his own children..... he must not love his children very much, he must be a unfit father, and he must have some sort of agenda to lie to you so that you won't run for the hills when he tells you he has 3 kids and once you two are serious together and he you on a leash....then he might spill the beans and tell you about his other 2 children. What a goof! Dump him and tell him the reason why you are dumping him. That way hopefully he will learn from his mistake and be more honest in his next relationship. Do you really want to start a relationship with a man who is paying child support for 3 children?