A few red flags?

[Red]

I've been dating a girl who has never been married. She's 45 years old. She's lived with her mother for the last 20 years. A background check has confirmed her story. Her mother is in good health so it's obvious she's not there to take care of her. Although she makes about 95K a year she doesn't pay her mother anything for rent or utilities. She also doesn't have many possessions show for the money she makes.

On several occasions when she has spent the night at my house she told her mother that she was away on a business trip. Lately when I've suggested that she spend the night again she got upset with me and told me that she doesn't like lying to her mother. When I mentioned that she is a grown woman and shouldn't have to give her mother an explanation she got upset with me. I also mentioned that if she were to move into her own place she would not have to give an explanation to anyone. She didn't like that idea either.

We started seeing each other while I was still married. I was going through a divorce but not because of her. When we discuss the issue of lying to her mother she starts quoting the bible. When I bring up the fact that it seems hypocritical that she didn't have a problem with committing adultery but has a problem lying to her mother she doesn’t seem to understand.

I’m suspicious that based on what I’ve described above that she has never really grown up and may have issues with responsibility and commitment. Since she is now talking about marriage I’m starting to become concerned about these issues. Anyone have any insight or advice on this?

Thanks

[shh!]

Her mother may be very religious, in which case she would obviously disapprove of pre-marital sex. Forget the part that you were married - her mom will likely NEVER know about that. (To be honest, I wouldn't tell anyone about that either - it makes you both look bad.) Aside from the religious argument, her mom may be upset to know that you find her daughter good enough to sleep with, but not to marry. (Let's face it - mom comes from a generation with a very different worldview than you do.) Your girlfriend, knowing this, would likely try to avoid having an issue with her mom over it, especially if she knows that you do not have an eye towards marriage.

BTW - yes, she is an adult, but even still, we ALL like for our moms to approve of choices we make.

[whaywardj]

Too many unknowns. How old are you? How long have you been dating? Where's her money going? Why HAS she stayed with her mom for 20 years? What would change IF you were to marry? Would she share household expenses? Still want to keep you hidden from her mother? Offhand, I'd say there'a red flag or two here, yes.

[Junket]

Leave.
______

[missguided.rose]

Agreeing with whaywardj.. too mant unknowns. Strip the relationship of religion and get back to basics.. If she can't be honest with her mother about her relations with a man at age 45 she has issues.

[Chlorine]

Red------"When I mentioned that she is a grown woman and shouldn't have to give her mother an explanation she got upset with me. I also mentioned that if she were to move into her own place she would not have to give an explanation to anyone. She didn't like that idea either."

Her mother seems to have a considerable amount of influence over her. When you suggest something that goes against what she has been taught, she gets defensive. Defense is just a reaction. She may be registering what you're saying and given time, will probably see the light. If she is still living at home at 45, it's not going to be an overnight change in her routine.

[whaywardj]

BTW - yes, she is an adult, but even still, we ALL like for our moms to approve of choices we make.

Oh, I don't know about that, shh!. I haven't even spoke to my mother for almost 15 years. Too much damage was done. I want nothing to do with her.