Selfish Wanting time alone...

[motorman]

I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years, in the midst of a divorce which is now final. When we first met she was living on her own and has a young girl who's dad is nowhere to be found. About 6 months after we met, she made the decision to move back into her parents to help out with bills. She shares a bedroom with her girl and really has no privacy at all. Early on, we both worked roughly the same schedules and since things were werid with the divorce I was able to spend just about everyday/night with her. The divorce became final and I took over my house which is about 50 miles away from her, and my schedule has changed to when I have my three girls, she's off. Long story short, early in our relationship she talked about forever, marriage, and long term commitments. At the time it sounded good, but with so much going on in my life, I needed just a little breathing room so I backed off and in turn was called a liar for making promises and breaking them.

Having said that, The time that we spend together is limited if any. I would typically work all day, then drive to her house and be absolutlely beat and just fall asleep, while her on the other hand usually stays up untill 3am, and that's after her girl goes to sleep...in the room around 2am!. Date nights are non-existant, and the last time she was able to break away after work, she had to lie to her mom and say she was going out with some co-workers and would be home in an hour, (her mom watches her daughter, who is a heathen). I try bending over backwards to make time, but usually something gets in the way, or something gets cancelled. I'm at the end of the rope and feel worn out. She gets all blue and says I dont come around, but doesnt realize the effort I try to put into getting over to her house. I told her last month that I just would like a night a month where we can go out and have a date night like a normal couple, I was called selfish.

She could move out at anytime, but her parents have gotten so comfortable with her being there, if she left, she feels responsable if they are short every month. It's aggravating!..

I guess what i'm seeking is advice or other experiences with similar circumstances and how you handled it. I've got so much going on in my life and feel like i'm juggling 18 different things at one time. I tried breaking up with her last month citing that right now our lives are not condusive to a healthy relationship but we ended up re-connecting and I told her that we needed to have a long talk about things. Any help or advice? Thanks in advance!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It's not worth it. This relationship is more of a drain than anything else. Tell her to move out of her parents, or you're leaving her. Give her a month.

[vashti]

Why cant she just hire a babysitter a few nights a month?

And who is helping who with the bills? You made it sound like her parents needed the help, but it sounds more like she needs them. How old are both of you?

[motorman]

Initally it was they needed the help, then although she wont admit it, I think it turned around on her. She wont use any other babysitters because the kid is high maintance because of the way she's being raised, but i'm sure theres another forum for that.....so she just uses her family, but they're unwilling to recognize she needs to go out, we need to go out...not everyweek but just once in awhile.....i'm 36 and she's 29

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just end it. Give her a list of things you would need to see changed before you'd consider seeing her again, and leave it at that.

[haxan]

This was gone over in detail on another thread (harleynight). Divorced people with kids want to rush right into LTR's, I think it's just a natural reaction to being alone after years of having someone around 24/7. Best scenario is to keep your separate spaces, schedules and try to date. You have a lot on your table to take care of, that you're responsible for. Having a new pseudo wife and another child to foster isn't going to make things easier.

You need to focus on rebuilding your life after a divorce, being there for your kids when you have the opportunity, not being depended on are dependent on someone else. You need to slow this way down and start back up by being friends and dating.

[bulrush]

Dysfunctional Divorced people with kids want to rush right into LTR's,

Fixed that for ya. I'm divorced and didn't want to rush into anything. If anything, I have more clarity on the type of person I want to spend my life with, and I know the importance of taking this slowly and getting to know my SO.

[haxan]

Well, the fact that you were dating your s/o for two years while you were in the process of getting a divorce leads me to believe you pretty much went from a bad marriage into this ltr.

Not sure that's the healthiest thing to do, and not surprised there are issues. At least you recognize you need space and time.

[Wakeup]

Why are you still trying to be with this woman? What is the draw?

You haven't shared one redeeming quality in her or her family for that matter. Where do you think you're going to take this, what appears to be, a dead-end relationship?

Some people will stay just for the steady diet of sex but you're not even getting that from her. So: What keeps you trying? Share with us why you haven't just ended the misery.