Fiancial problem with boyfriend... Am I being abused?

[Diba]

Hello.

I'm having a financial issue with my boyfriend and I would love to hear your opinions.

I'm female, 28. I moved in with my boyfriend last year and when we moved in we talked about how we're going to manage our finances. We said that we'll split the costs 50-50. We lived up to the promise until a few months ago which I'll explain.

The thing is, I earn considerably more than he does (say 4-5x more). I never expected him to catch up to a luxury life and never really made it difficult for him to handle the finances (like I wanted a large flat screen TV and a treadmill since he said he can't afford it, so I payed for them from my own money even though both of us are using them, and I never even mentioned it). It was a few months ago that we were planning a holiday abroad and we had some disagreements about the luxuriousness of the holiday since he said he can't afford a luxury holiday so we ended up splitting the cost 70-30 and we've had a great time together (I was fine with doing this). After the holiday he became a little sloppy about the living costs, he ended up doing less and less shopping and he doesn't pay on time anymore (the deal was to handle everything every weekend which I always do)... He sends me some money (less than what he should do) every few weeks and it's now one month that he hasn't paid back anything (I still pay for my half for things that he buys, even though he has some good dept now).

The whole money that he owes me is nothing to me, but him behaving like this is bothering me. I wouldn't mind him not paying if he had financial issues, but he even got a good pay raise during this time. Is he taking advantage of me? and if you thing he does, how can I breach the subject? I don't wanna look like a money loving bitch, but I can't see him abusing my niceness.

Cheers.

[surfhb]

Not sure of your situation but you should never move in together unless its clear you are getting married or have a life commitment (yeah...i know things dont always go that way).

Beyond that, you need to tell him what you just told us then go from there. He is taking advantage since hes not living up to the original contract. He needs to live up to his side of the agreement or you have a serious problem.

Tell him its not about the money but his responsibilities. In fact, there's no possible way for it to be "about the money" since you make 4x what he does.

[Cerby]

The number one reason long term relationships fail is finance. If you can't talk to him and come to an agreement, then its pretty much over. Problems that go unaddressed usually get worse - not better.

Also, you're living together, if only you wanted the TV and treadmill thats fine. Even if he does use them, bringing that up at all would be petty, when you're in the same place, its shared space.

[thiudiskr]

I'm not sure why you want to have a consensus on this. It's obvious that you feel like he's abusing you, even if externally, you say you're fine with it. It's time to confront him about this. Don't be afraid to talk to him about your feelings!