Exboyfriend showing me affection again?

[lilelephant]

Me and my exboyfriend went out for 3 months. He told to me over the phone that he wanted to cool off and think about us cuz we've been arguing a lot and he's been stressed by work. And days before the breakup, he mentioned about not being in a relationship but just hang out as reallly close friends like we used to be. We then didn't contact each other at all for 3 days. I went with my instinct and felt that he wanted to break up but was too scared to say it outright. I then texted him and told him that i would go pick up all my stuff from his place. We didn't live together but I would spend some weekend over at his. He texted me, "ok. we will talk then". At his place, i packed all my stuff quickly and asked what he wanted to talk about. He started off by asking how my week went. Then he saw me came with a bag of clothes and realized that I probably slept over at someone's place. He then asked me where I slept over last night. I ignored his question and started telling him that if he wanted to break up he can just say so, instead of saying we should cool off cuz it's just wasting each other's time. He said he didn't want to hurt me and he feels that our personality is not compatible. I asked him if he had lost feelings for me that's why he's breaking up with me. He said he doesn't feel as good about us as before cuz of the arguments. Our arguments are mainly about me getting upset with him not doing nice things that he used to do to me. I told him that I really enjoy going out to party with him, just so fun with him. He said he will still hang with me as friends and while I was crying he held my hand and sat closer to me. He then offered to give me a ride home and hugged me. I hugged back like a friend and he told me to put more heart into hugging him. Out of nowhere, he picked up the energy belt i gave him, which he had thrown to the side for weeks and wore it. And started asking me what I was going to do that night cuz he wanted to ask me out on a movie date. I had to hang out with my friends so we ended up watching movie with my friends and his friends, a big group. He placed his hand on my lap during movie just like before. Afterwards when he was driving me home (with all his other friends in the car), he held my hand the entire time just like before and as I got off the car, he kissed me goodbye. This was all last weekend. On sunday and monday he didn't contact me at all. (When we used to date, he doesn't really call me cuz he doesn't like to talk on the phone and would text me once everyday) He texted me on tuesday afternoon about something really general like work is stressfull. We text-flirted a bit and that was all. Does he still like me? I know that he's in his busy season for tax season, he works at accounting firm. Will I Have a chance to get him back? He's not contacting me as often as before like when we were still together. Or does he just want a fling with me. If that's the case I want to get out of it, cuz I don't want to be used.

[Rosaura]

First of all, my sympathies go out to you. I recently went through a similar thing and I know how it hurts when someone you feel so strongly about doesn't want to be with you anymore. It sucks. Second, don't forget that he had reasons for breaking up with you, like that your personalities weren't compatible, so he really didn't want this relationship anymore. That doesn't mean he doesn't like you anymore at all, or that it isn't hard for him to go from being bf/gf to just friends: it's a pretty big adjustment. So that's probably why he did all that stuff like holding your hand and kissing you. That doesn't mean it's cool, though. He should be clear with you: either he wants to be with you, or he doesn't, and in that case he shouln't string you along. You're not some kind of toy that he can come play with when he's bored or lonely, that's unfair to you.

If he doesn't contact anymore, then it's he sign he's truly done and you can start moving on. But if keeps doing things like showing affection, i would have a talk with him if I were you, making clear to him that it's in or out.

My ex-bf has been doing the same thing sort of, first barely seeking any contact and then suddenly wanting to hug me and swirl me around, and believe me, it doesn't help matters much. You'll be stuck in a limbo where you can't be with him but you can't get over him either. Don't let him do that to you!