i went on strike! husband is being an ass!

[deepbluesea_]

I am sick of my husband! im SICK OF HIS MOUTH! he is constantly making asanine comments about the dumbest shit.. it can be anything from a random person's clothes, the neighbors hat, something he saw on TV, or something one of our friends did (thats none of his buisiness anyway). and its always a negative, critical comment. Im starting to wonder if there is ANYTHING or ANYONE he "approves" of. So lately he has been nagging his ass off about how "he does everything" and making "jokes" about how I dont do enough work at home.. ive finally had enough! so for three days I have REFUSED to do anything at home.. including laundry, dishes, cleaning up the cat tray.. he thinks he does everything so let him see what its like to do everything!! The house is now a total shit hole after only three days. We both work AND im a full time graduate student and he just doenst seem to get it that hes not the only person in the world. Last night, he started to be nice and wanting to apologize and talk but at this point im so pissed I wasnt really ready to hear it. I have talked to him several times in the past about his mouth and nothing has seemed to work.. I just want him to shut up sometimes and not be so critical. I mean.. what difference does it make to him if the neighbor wears a hat he doesnt like?? (this actually happened.. he went on for several minutes and even called one his buddies to make fun of it.. and the neighbor has NEVER bothered him so WHY DOES HE CARE??) I do love him and I want things to work out but right now im not feeling very forgiving. Its saturday and hes at work and im home, i considered cleaning the house and starting over while he was gone.. i started to do the dishes and all his nasty comments came back to my mind and I got pissed off all over again. Im wondering what I should do from here? Do i continue this strike to continue to prove my point or do I let him talk things out with me so we can work it out? I dont want to make things worse but I want him to "get it".. its NOT FUNNY when he "jokes" about how I dont do anything or about how im "messy" (which im not, hes just one of those people that WILL find something to bitch about). Its NOT FUNNY when he "jokes" about how much harder he works that me (i teach and hes an electrician.. so according to him, i get so much time off and he doesnt) or when he "jokes" about the fact that I am getting a masters in religion (instead of science which is what i teach and what i used to do... he always says how religion has nothing to do with science and he doesnt get why i chose that.. WHO CARES???). Whats so funny about that anyway??? seriously!! im starting to think hes just a critical asshole!!! he used to not be this way.. so what the HECK is going on and what do i do NOW?? Stop the strike and work it out? he was really nice and apologizing this morning again before he left work and has called me several times this morning to check on me.. i think he may be getting it.. i want him to actually say the words that his "mean" comments arent funny and its not a joke to insult me. and I WANT IT TO STOP NOW. hes even joked about me being fat (WHICH IM NOT.. im actually really thin which is why he says its a 'joke' but when you hear that over and over it starts to be hurtful). help and advice please! Oh and hes also started to comment about all my friends.. making comments about their relationships, their weight, their clothes, he even went on once about how one of my friends sounds when she laughs.. WHO CARES??? i guess he thinks hes GOD.

[Wakeup]

Would you keep hanging out with a friend that pissed you off to the point that you're now at? What would you do, would you distance yourself from her or, if you had invested your love, companionship, finances, had children with that 'friend' would you do your best to make sure you did your best get each other to understand the agrivated state he/she has put you in so that you could remedy your tiff and get back to being 'friends' again before you distanced yourself?

You don't communicate - you nag, you put him on the defensive and you try to control him. He doesnt' see the problem in talking smack about people, he sees you on many school holidays while he works his 8 hour shift every day of every week. He doesn't mind clutter ~ You can't stand it. He can't see the correlation between studying the exact opposite of science. So: What do you think you should do to get you and he on track?

Do you think through compromise, communication, mutual respect and to stop taking one another for granted would be the place to start? If you can't start the conversation WITHOUT resentment and 'hate' then there is no point even starting it.


I suggest you make a list of what needs to be done everytday around the house and then you go over it with him and the two of you delegate chores that you both will be doing from here on out. If he slacks off then you have the list he signed and agreed to to point out to him without the resentment and anger.
IMO: When you're on summer leave then you should do more because he is at work all day so you have the time where he does not. When he is on holiday he can get back to his list.

You're going to blow a gasket so work on a plan that will calm your nerves and get done what you want done. Remember the only person you have the right to control 100% is yourself. If you you work out a compromise with him that he's happy with and you're happy with instead of trying to control him to get things accomplished, then you'll have a better chance of actually getting most of what needs to be done then you ever would by trying to control the outcome.

Good luck.