my loved one hurts my feelings - WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[login]

Hi all,

Whatever the reason is - I don't feel secure in our relationships. (6-months old) I always ask my loved one to call me or email me after we see each other. Well, we met today and he did not communicate with me again although we were planning to meet tomorrow morning (not confirmed). I have told him a couple of times, that I worry when I don't hear from him. He says sorry the next day after not communicating with me. He also says that he loves me and cares for me. In other words, he calms me down the next day, but then does it again (not always, but 1 in 3-5 times) and it hurts me again. Due to some constraints, I cannot communicate with him myself, so the best I can do is to wait for him to contact me.

How can I change this? Every time it happens I am thinking that I should be a little bit colder myself the next time he calls, not pick up his calls or not see him for one day. First of all, that's impossible as I melt when I hear his voice and I cannot imagine not seeing him even for one day. Second of all, I want to be open with him and I am not sure if I should use these tricks. I am so deeply in love with him, but I also want him to truly care for me and to respect me.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Thanks.

[pisces25]

Are you saying if you spend the day with him you want him to call/email you when he gets home? It seems a bit like overkill to me. Sorry to break it to you but he probably has a life. One that doesn't just involve you.

If you suffocate him you will eventually push him away as it is just hard work. Just because he doesn't call or email doesn't me he doesn't care about you, that is just your expectation of him, as that is how you show you care.

Give him the time he needs to breathe.

[HeartIsAching]

Pisces25 has it.

You're going to regret it if you push too hard. Back off a bit.

[login]

pisces25, not the whole day. For instance, we just met for 1 hour yesterday. When he was leaving he said that we would meet today possibly in the morning, but he would call back or email and confirm one way or another. He did not, so I cannot even plan my day. I did not know whether I should wake up earlier to get ready or what. Now it's almost 9am and I am still not sure what's going on. When/if he calls, should I just pretend like nothing happened and agree to meet him today?

[HeartIsAching]

Well in that case, you're absolutely right. You should just keep whining and crying and pushing until you're single again.

[login]

Well in that case, you're absolutely right. You should just keep whining and crying and pushing until you're single again.

wow. so I am overreacting, right? should I stop asking him about this stuff?

[pisces25]

Actually, in the situation you described I would feel frustrated too. It is common courtesy to let someone know your plan so they don't just hang around waiting.

Have you tried talking to him and telling him you would prefer to 'lock in' time to see each other so you don't face the problems you outlined above?

[IQSnowyX]

I think he should at least inform you of his plan because he did say he would but in the end didn't do so. He shouldn't let you wait and wait in vain.

[Jason2]

Give up

[Rosebud]

That would be frustrating to me too. If you have always stopped the plans you had when he called and jumped on whatever it was he was doing, I would change it up. I would tell him next time that your busy. Or go about your day like you normally would and stop waiting around on him when he doesn't seem to care what your plans are. It all goes back to respect and he isn't showing you any.

[Asip4u]

That would be frustrating to me too. If you have always stopped the plans you had when he called and jumped on whatever it was he was doing, I would change it up. I would tell him next time that your busy. Or go about your day like you normally would and stop waiting around on him when he doesn't seem to care what your plans are. It all goes back to respect and he isn't showing you any.

This all the way.

[Malind1]

lol