Do I have a right to be mad at this girl? What should I do?

[SPL13]

Sorry in advance for the lengthy post.

We met 6 months ago and became really close friends. From the beginning, we were always very flirty with each other and things were moving along great. We both traveled abroad for the winter holidays and because of the way our itineraries worked out, we didn't see each other for a month. When we got back (February), it was her birthday - I bought her hockey tickets, flowers, and donated $50 to her favorite charity. She started crying, and it was great. A few days later she calls me and says we need to talk...

I met her at her apartment and she told me that we had to be 'just friends' because she was moving to California in June and didn't want to start a relationship. I told her I'd think about it, and a week later I called her and told her that was fine. Since then, we've maintained our close relationship. It's still been flirty, we've gone out to dinner together on several occasions, and people have assumed we're dating. She initiates physical contact and my friends have made fun of us because she tends to hug me for minutes on end.

A few months went by, and I took her out to dinner in late April. It was a fantastic time - the conversation was great, the food was great, and it honestly felt like I was on a date with my girlfriend. Despite having said otherwise in February, she has continued to act interested in me, and so at the end of the night I kissed her on the cheek and left. She called me later that night and gave me hell for it. "Just friends don't do that... We talked about this in February... Etc." Since that night, we've had little contact until recently, when we went to a party together. As usual, we spent most of the party together and everything was fine.

Last night, I was hanging out with a few friends of mine (including a mutual friend of the girl in question). We were a little drunk, and the mutual friend ended up telling me that this girl has been sleeping with another guy for the past month. I called this mutual friend to double-check that info this morning, and she is "100% certain" that this girl is seeing some other dude.

So, my question to you:

What the f*? What should I do, what should I say, what should I think? I'm utterly confused, more than a little angry, and hurt. At the same time, this girl is amazing and we've had some great times together, and I don't want to make any assumptions without talking to her first. That said, the reason she gave for us not being together was that she was "too busy for a relationship, especially with a big move to California coming up." Obviously that's not the case, if her friend is telling the truth.

Should I confront her? Should I act like nothing has happened?

Thanks in advance!

[smackie9]

Just let it go. You were not dating, you were just hanging out. All that time there was no making out or sex right? Just spending time together just like good friends do. Remember back when you gave her all those gifts? Obviously that was a message to her that you wanted a relationship with her am I right? Her tears were not of joy dude, they were tears of sadness because she knew all along where it was heading. She feared that all this attention you have been giving her will be cut off, her emotional gravy train. She had to tell you no. And she did......you are friend zoned, BF without benefits, someone to be emotionally attached to till she meets someone she wants as her BF. You should have walked, but you didn't, so you only have yourself to blame for this. You should never have agreed to be "just friends" if you were expecting more. YOU made that choice. Basically you both were free to date whomever you want because you two are "just friends". So what the hell are you doing? Hoping? When a girl says "friends" it over, done, finished. She lied to you because she knows how you feel about her. Girls do not like confrontation, she knew this would piss you off so she made up a bull sh it story to get out of that place you put her in last February. She is an idiot to think that "just being friends" with you would work, knowing how much you wanted a relationship with her. So now she knows and she has backed off completely....the emotional, BF without benefits gravy train has run dry....she jumped off.

My advice, stop investing your time into someone that won't ever date you. Just leave it alone, cut off ties and move on. And don't do it again. If you like someone, ask them out on a date, not this taking it slow or hoping she will figure it out...that's stupid. All it will get you is cast into the friends zone again. Make sure your intentions are clear, verbally, stop being a lackey. As soon as they say "friend" ditch them, go find someone else. Please read the [url]http://www.relationshiptheory.com/2009/03/17/the-ladder-theory/[/url]

[smackie9]

So to answer your thread is "NO" you shouldn't be mad at this girl. You should be mad at yourself for letting this go on for so long, foolishly hoping one day she will be yours.

[SPL13]

Just let it go. You were not dating, you were just hanging out. All that time there was no making out or sex right? Just spending time together just like good friends do. Remember back when you gave her all those gifts? Obviously that was a message to her that you wanted a relationship with her am I right? Her tears were not of joy dude, they were tears of sadness because she knew all along where it was heading. She feared that all this attention you have been giving her will be cut off, her emotional gravy train. She had to tell you no. And she did......you are friend zoned, BF without benefits, someone to be emotionally attached to till she meets someone she wants as her BF. You should have walked, but you didn't, so you only have yourself to blame for this. You should never have agreed to be "just friends" if you were expecting more. YOU made that choice. Basically you both were free to date whomever you want because you two are "just friends". So what the hell are you doing? Hoping? When a girl says "friends" it over, done, finished. She lied to you because she knows how you feel about her. Girls do not like confrontation, she knew this would piss you off so she made up a bull sh it story to get out of that place you put her in last February. She is an idiot to think that "just being friends" with you would work, knowing how much you wanted a relationship with her. So now she knows and she has backed off completely....the emotional, BF without benefits gravy train has run dry....she jumped off.

My advice, stop investing your time into someone that won't ever date you. Just leave it alone, cut off ties and move on. And don't do it again. If you like someone, ask them out on a date, not this taking it slow or hoping she will figure it out...that's stupid. All it will get you is cast into the friends zone again. Make sure your intentions are clear, verbally, stop being a lackey. As soon as they say "friend" ditch them, go find someone else. Please read the [url]http://www.relationshiptheory.com/2009/03/17/the-ladder-theory/[/url]

Thanks for the advice, man. I'll take it into consideration. To be fair though, I took her on a date after the first time we met. We started off like any other actual relationship would, and it was clear from the beginning that we weren't headed down the "Just Friends" road to begin with. Maybe I didn't get that across in the OP. Unfortunately, ten days after our first date we both went abroad, so there wasn't an opportunity to "speed things up" until I got back, at which point... flowers, hockey tickets, etc. happened, and then "friend-zone."

that place you put her in last February

I didn't put her in any "place". We were going along totally fine (we kissed the night I gave her flowers/etc. for her birthday), and before I knew it she pulled that crap on me. She's leaving to live in California in mid-June, and it's totally fair that she didn't want a relationship because of that. But she was *very* clear that that was the only reason it wouldn't work. She even told me that had circumstances been different, we'd be dating. Hell, she told me that less than a month ago. Which is why I find this especially frustrating. She drops hints all the time that she's interested, and then when I pick up on them and do something about it, she runs away. It's BS. So for her to go and bang some random guy is honestly just insulting more than anything else. Especially since she feels the need to lie about it.

I appreciate the advice, but I think there's more to it than what you said. Although you're right that it's probably time to move on...

Thanks.

[Jason250]

great
it is amazing

[Sixpacj]

Thanks for the advice, man.

Hahahahaha she is not a man, smackie is a woman. But I am sure you have made her day saying that. A lot of women answer posts under "ask a male" for some reason...

I think you should not ba angry. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Or be angry. Either way I think you should move on.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

"thanks man" is gender neutral expression that started in the 1950's and became very popular in the 1960's. Your knit-picking is making you look like a whiny bitch.



"unsubscribed"

[Jason250]

much appreciated

[pandapete]

Move on, be angry. Let the anger help you move on. stop initiating contact with her. If she talks to you keep it short, keep it cold, don't make it mean.
In your situation i would be angry, but i would keep it to myself, because it was her decision to not go out with you, respecting her decision doesnt mean you should be happy with it.