How would you act in a relationship that was 'friends with benifits' or 'just sex'

[KateMc]

So I realised that, being a girl, more often than not to me sex = love.

I find it hard to understand how people can seperate the two... but I know they can.
I have slept with people who I had zero feelings for, but only when I've been drunk and it's been very much just sex, as in it was one off, and it wasn't affectionate, there wasn't any cuddling or talking or anything, and I got out of there pretty quick. I get how that can be just sex.

But what I am wondering about is, will someone be in a relationship that they see as 'just sex' and act in the following way...
- spend a lot of time with the person not having sex/ in bed
- sleep over afterwards every time and cuddle and be affectionate like spooning, holding hands, kissing etc.
- stay the next morning and talk/ hang out

because to me, that stuff means more- and I couldn't do that with someone I didn't have feelings for... but I know a lot of people are in relationships where it is just physical and I was wondering if they do that stuff because I'm worried I'll be in that situation where a guy is acting like that (being affectionate, sleeping over etc.) and not realise that he's in it just for the sex...

[Me Leigh]

I could separate it, if I was single ( I am currently not). I would know what the deal was, and i would not bother with investing feelings into the guy. However, he would h ave to be into me, as a person, and like me a great deal, in order to GEt me in the first place....

I would see it as: casual fun, with a person who I like and who likes me, with no risk of getting hurt; if I got feelings, I would stop. In a way, it could be a great way to relieve your horny urges, with a person you like and trust, instead of having a random hook up with a stranger who does not like or respect you.

For me, sex = love, though. i would not have sex unless I had actual feelings for a person. I think some people with a healthy self esteem and that are really happy within themselves, can handle friends with benifits the most.....

[dem862]

Those things you mentioned are very satisfying and rewarding, and intimate. For some guys sex is not really intimate. It is a momentary pleasure, it is a boost to the ego, it is a hobby like collecting marbles. Those guys are always looking for the next conquest. If you want love, you should avoid those kinds of guys. That being said, even if you find a guy who likes to be intimate, there are no guarantees. Some relationships end after one weekend, some relationships end after decades of intimacy. Your best bet is to enjoy it one day at a time, try not to over-analyze and have no expectations.

[Wakeup]

I was wondering if they do that stuff because I'm worried I'll be in that situation where a guy is acting like that (being affectionate, sleeping over etc.) and not realise that he's in it just for the sex...

there is a very simply way to tell the difference between someone who loves you and wants to be with only you and someone who wants to be with you and anyone else who will do him. That is to refrain from having sex with him until you both agree to be sexually exclusive and you KNOW without a doubt that he LOVES you and is not just hanging with you and trying to get you to invest emtionally so his sexual experience is better.

Learn to be brave enough to communicate what you want and if he can't give you that, then don't go to bed with him. If all you want is sex, then don't do the hang out and the cuddling because then you will catch feelings for him. The key is to actually know what you want and don't expect your vagina to garner you a relationship because vagina is far too easy to get these days for it to be special enough that just it will get you under a guys skin. (by "get under his skin" I mean that he only thinks of you, wants you in his life and doesn't want anyone else to have you).

[JasonSA]

Thanks for your post

[haxan]

I'm worried I'll be in that situation where a guy is acting like that (being affectionate, sleeping over etc.) and not realise that he's in it just for the sex...

You can't always tell. You have to have an ability to read people, which a lot of people think they possess, but few actually do.

[Esther20]

Thanks for your post