Should my Ex girl be Friends with benifits, without benifits, or nothing at all?

[ghost101]

About a year ago I had just got out of a real serious relationship of three years. Immediately after I met a girl who wanted to hang out and was interested in me. At first it was great, she kept me company when I was lonely, and we had the greatest time together everyday. We stated that we wanted to be exclusively with each other but not date each other. This went on for months and it was a good time except that she would get drunk and tell me things and do things that didn’t make her look good. Also I kept hearing things about her past that were unsettling. Despite all this we would tell each other how much we loved and cared about each other.

Eventually despite the love and the good times I caught her in a couple lies about where she was and with whom – and caught her cuddling with an ex-boyfriend. I ended it shortly after.

Now that’s all fine and dandy, and it probably sounds like a normal relationships life cycle. The problem is that it didn’t stop there. Because we were never really dating, we both figured it would be a good idea to try being friends. Every time we tried this we’d end up sleeping with each other. Now that’s not really a bad thing but it would always end in an argument and us not talking. Sometimes these mini fights were my fault – sometime they we hers. But it happened like 3 times.

Well this last time was the longest we’ve never seen each other and it was refreshing to just hang out again. I really felt that I had gotten all the feelings out of me for her and I think she did the same. She was seeing someone and I was kind of involved so we could just hang out. This wasn’t like before because I could talk about relationships, sex other people that I was involved with, and it really felt like it didn’t matter.

Needless to say that we started sleeping together several times a week and she was still sleeping with this other kid. But I said **** it and they ended up fighting and breaking up. She met some other kid right after and started talking to him but only when I wasn’t around. To prove that I didn’t care I would invite the kid over to her house and she would refuse. But she made it clear to me that he’s interested in her and she’s is in him but they supposedly “haven’t slept together”, and I haven’t met him. But isn’t it bad to do what were doing behind these people’s backs? Well I guess it’s up to her. And she just keeps on telling this kid we were never together and that we are just good friends.

My only major dilemma is that she is beginning to say things like don’t leave me tonight and she gets mad when I don’t wanna go home with her. She also tweaks out when I start paying attention to other girls. Now I have to admit that it’s hard to watch an Ex flirt with other people. Let alone to watch an Ex that you still mess with do that. But that was the deal when we got into this thing. I know that she’s with other people and I deal with it.

So where am I at now? I’ve got an Ex that is upset because she had to watch me flirt with someone. But she won’t admit that to me. We fought about where I was sleeping and I got fed up and she left after I wouldn’t talk about it anymore.

It now feels uncomfortable around her and I really don’t know what to say because I was pretty mean to her. Also I don’t wanna bring this up because she’ll deny that was why she was so upset, but I think she’s starting to feel for me again. I don’t wanna not hang out with her because I have a lot of fun with or without sex. Does this mean that we can’t be **** buddies or at least hang out anymore? How should I proceed and what should I say?

[misombra]

no. quit ****ing her. she's ****ing every guy in town. please do your part to slow the spread of vdiseases in this world.

[ghost101]

Well that's the easy thing to say. It's not like i plan on it. But regardless if i did stop sleeping with her - I'de have to figure out how to tell her.

[Asip4u]

Sounds like AmI.

[ghost101]

And what to tell her. I can't say I want to stop because she's starting to catch feelings and getting weird?

I can't say it's because she's a hoe when she drinks?

I really do wanna remain her friend and I just wanna know if she's wants more. If she does then I have to stop before it blows up in my face. If she doesn’t want more then I’m ok.

But when I say, "I just wanna know if you want more", she gonna think I wanna bring it to that level.

Ahhhhhh.....

I wanna hide in a corner.

[Back2Normal]

In my opinon as a girl and having been in a few serious relationships, and some not so serious and some ending in what you have described as "friends with benefits". I would say it never works as being friends with benfits after a relstionship. At least very rarely. Someone always ends up still having feelings, or still feeling the attachment and jealousy that previously came with the relationship. I think especially with girls when intamacy occurs with someone they instantly become atached and with that comes possesion. She obviously still has feelings for you and has been doing things to grab your attention so that she can see if you get jealous because in her mind being jealous may mean you still love her. If you don't want to patch things up with her relationship wise then I would cut out the sex and intimacy completely. And as for friends, I would give it a try as long as you stand strong and dont give in to the emotion and allow urself to end up messing around with her when you two are haning out. Also, you may want to ask her that if you two remain friends that you need to know she has no intetions of sleeping with you or trying to win you back. Because the little fights your describing are probably in response to dumb things she normaly wouldnt care about but are harbored by her frustrations she having about the feelings she still has for you. Hopefully that helps. Good Luck

[Only-virgins]

What I dont get is why you are worried about how your are going to tell her and definitly I dont get whats so good about being friends with her(besides the sex). I wouldnt give that piece of shit you like to call "she" a spit of respect. She sounds like a slult...her queen was here not to long ago named "AmIASleaze".

[clynn]

I think she definitely has feelings for you that extend beyond friendship or friendship with benefits.

[Tone]

I don't get it... you guys specifically said you weren't dating, but then you "break up" with her for cuddling with an ex-boyfriend......................................... ........







Okay.

[shh!]

Tone - you would make a good prosecuting lawyer.
:-D

[ghost101]

Naw - we were at the point where we had spoke about being exclusive with each other and we openly expressed our affection and love for each other. Not only that but the main reason was because of her lies and her past. I didn't want to move any farther in a relationship with her. But really that’s not what the problem is that I’m writing about in this post. I could discuss and debate the facts of our old relationship all day.

But I thank everyone for the help. I wish I knew about this site back when her and I were dating.

I'm gonna try to be up front and blunt with her. She wants me to come over tonight to work on her piano music and drink a few beers. I’m still not sure if I wanna. I'll write back and tell you how it went if I do. Special thanks to back2normal. 

I spoke to her last night over the phone and she thinks that I don’t ever wanna hang out with her again. I wanted to tell her that I thought her actions made it seem like she still had feelings and was jealous. I just didn’t know how to say it and the phone didn’t seem like the right medium.

I just wish she could be up front and honest from the beginning. If she couldn’t handle the physical aspect then she should have said so. If she couldn’t handle the aspect of me being friends with her then don’t try.

Another thing I just realized after this incident - was what she said to me like 3 weeks ago. I had gone out with her roommate and her roommate hit on me all night. I guess her roommate told my Ex that she had a thing for me as well. The next day my Ex calls and somehow in the conversation she ends up saying that I can’t mess around with her roommate? I didn’t object too much cause I’m not really interested and like I said in a prior post sometimes it’s hard to see an Ex with someone else. But just the fact that she would make it a point to tell me that she would move out and not speak to either of us goes to show where her head really is.

Ahhhh. This happens too often. There’s always something that seems to ruin a perfect friendship between a guy and a girl.

[Tone]

I still don't get it. You wanted and expected her to follow girlfriend protocol but you guys decided you "loved" and "cared" for each other enough to just remain exclusive without dating... why the hell didn't you just say you were dating?! I think it's ridiculous you are seriously upset and pretend breakup (since you weren't really dating!) with her. And why do you call her your ex, your ex what? Your ex "girl-that-I-really-cared-about-and-stayed-exclusive-to-but-not-girlfriend"?

I mean I can't see how you would blame her. If a guy (if I was a girl) told me he wanted to be exclusive with me but not "date" me I'd laugh and think he's just leaving himself an opening to pursue other interests if they arise. You weren't dating. How can you possibly be mad she was with other guys. (I mean I can see why you would be, I would be too - but that's why I would DATE THE GIRL I'M INTERESTED IN)

[shh!]

The jury finds the defendent . .. . . . GUILTY!

haha

[ghost101]

Not to be rude. But the relationship and breakup that we had a year ago is over whether we were dating, seeing each other, or whatever title we had - it's done. I'm not questioning that at all, or worried about the logistics of what we were considered.

I’m only writing to talk about my situation now.

[Tone]

kay




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