I hate the way I look. Seriously, when I look at the mirror, I don't think I am pretty at all. I won't say I am ugly, because I am not that bad compared to some others. I'm pretty bad though. Guys do ask me out but most of the time, if not all, they just like me for my personality. It's not like its a bad thing or anything, since they are the ones who treat me the best. I'm just not looking for someone my age. I'm currently 18 and I want to date someone more mature. I went on dates with 22 year old before but it never works out. It's like they don't find me attractive or anything. I used to look prettier back when I was 16 (I know this because I get asked out not a lot, but a good amount of guys, and the guys who I like actually likes me back.) There was this one guy who I use to date casually (nothing serious, just friends hangout). He is 3 years older than me and I was in the friend zone for a while when I was 15. Then 10th grade came along and I contacted him again to help me with my school work (he was a father figure kind of guy to me). We met at the library for the first time in 8 months and I can tell by the look he gave me when he walked in that he looks at me differently. I went up and say hi to him and stuff. The way he talks to me is different from when I was 15. He talks to me in a way like we are both adults now, and not a kid and a adult. When I left the library and went home, he text me and told me that I looked prettier and stuff like that.Then he asked me out to the movies, but I didn't go because I don't have feelings for him anymore. We didn't talk for a while anymore because things got a bit awkward between us. I happen to bump into him at a restaurant yesterday and he was with his friend. I feel like I looked ugly because he didn't say much to me. I know that it have nothing to do with me rejecting him though (I've know him for 5 years and I know him well). I think it is because I am not as attractive anymore. I also know this because his friend didn't even try to say hi. I don't know what happened but I just went from ugly duckling to pretty then back to ugly again. I feel so self conscious of myself now. When I came back home, I looked at the photos I took when I was younger and realized that I have really turned uglier. I've slept really late these past years because of projects and homework. Sometimes I will sleep at 5 or even worse, pull all nighter. Most of the times, I sleep at 2. I don't know if that is the problem because I've always slept late since freshmen year have started. I don't know why it is effecting me now and not when I was younger. Also, I sometimes just eat cup noodles (my mom and dad comes home at around 10) when I don't have the time to cook.) Sometimes, I wonder if it is because of sodium I consume....=( I tried to eat more fruit and sleep more now but it is not changing much. -_- I hate myself and sometimes I just want to do plastic surgery. Even though I have these thoughts, I will never do that because I want to be natural.
Do people really change when they grow up? Like their bone structures or the fat in the face?
Does sleeping late and eating a lot of sodium really effect the way you look?
My eyes used to be bigger and prettier. Now my eyes feel small and gloomy. =[