How do you ask a male for help?

[cara123]

Hi there,

I've been going through a bad time in my life, with not being able to get a job after graduating and moving to a place where I don't have as many friends. I moved in with my boyfriend and we were fighting a lot, I have since realised I was blaming him for some of my problems and know that that wasn't right. We spent some time apart and I realised that it was harder for me, because it made the little support I had even less, and the uncertainty of what was happening in the relationship exasperated my issues to the point that I wasn't able to cope.

I tried to talk to him to tell him that I need him for support from him, and made the point that if anyone close to him was going through a similar crisis - wouldn't he help them out? He avoids talking about it, and when I try to tell him about the seriousness of how I feel he just says "don't be silly". It makes me upset because I know that if even a stranger told me what I told him, I would be there for them because I know that isolation makes it worse. Sometimes I feel like I get through to him, but the next day we'll be back at square one, and he spends a lot of time playing computer games or doing other things so that by the time I try to talk to him he's exhausted and wants to go to sleep. I know I shouldn't be badgering him but him being distant from me is making the whole situation so much worse and I don't understand why he wouldn't want to be there for someone he cares about - even as a friend.

How do I get through to him?

Thanks

[searock]

I think he doesn't like the responsibility you are trying to put on his shoulders. Who would, after all? He feels pressured in taking care of you, which you should be able to do by yourself, as an adult. I suggest you stop expecting him - or anyone else - to look after you, and start looking after yourself. Being close to depressed people is a depressing experience, no wonder he tries to avoid it (even though he sticks around because he cares for you).

[Sixpacj]

So are you back to being a couple and you live together?Or not?

You are trying to get him to support you (in a monetary way?) as a friend, or as a boyfriend?

Sorry I am asking but I think this makes a bit of a difference.

[vashti]

You should move back home with your parents until you get your life together. It sounds like you weren't ready for moving out, and expect him to pick up your slack.

[Jason521]

Thanks for your post

[Zigg1]

stop spamming

[smackie9]

You should move back home with your parents until you get your life together. It sounds like you weren't ready for moving out, and expect him to pick up your slack.

Agreed. A reason for a bf isn't to support you ass.....that is why he won't listen to any of it. I agree with Vashti, go home to your parents until you can stand on your own two feet and support yourself. Guys are not meant to be a meal ticket.

[Sixpacj]

Agreed. A reason for a bf isn't to support you ass.....that is why he won't listen to any of it. I agree with Vashti, go home to your parents until you can stand on your own two feet and support yourself. Guys are not meant to be a meal ticket.

Well, the day has come I agree with Smackie on something ;-)

[cara123]

Hey there, sorry I didn't reply until now, but I meant in a friend/boyfriend type way, definitely NOT in a monetary way (I wouldn't expect a boyfriend to support me financially)... I guess it's because if I read depression forums it tells you to talk to people you feel close to etc etc..

[Boisdevie]

But if he's unable or unwilling to help what'll you do? For whatever reason he's not helping. So you have to solve these problems yourself. If his inability of unwillingness to help is really pissing you off then you know what to do. Leave.

[bulrush]

Your bf sounds a bit too immature to help you with your emotional problems. So, I wouldn't count on him being supportive. Who else can you turn to?

Go to meetup.com and meet some friends?