Was this rude? Or is it normal to be blown off like this?

[major_tom]

Just to put things into context: Both I and the girl in question are in a foreign country, Australia, on Working Holiday Visa's. All this takes place in a quiet backpackers hostel in Melbourne. She's German and I'm sort of a third culture kid but from the UK originally. We're both 20 and I lack experience for my age with this sort of thing so if this comes across as very trivial I apologize I just want to learn as much as I can.

Basically I met this girl, pretty, in the general lounge area by ourselves and nothing ever escalated above friend ship status. We spoke for a few hours and seemed to hit it of nicely. We met and spoke on several occasions and it was all very nice. Her English is fluent but she still finds me hard to understand because I tend to use big words but we often had a laugh about that. She even commented and picked up on the notion that I'm smart especially compared to some of the other guys here. I don't mean to put them down since they are able to make her laugh and feel comfortable more easily and since whilst I'm kind of awkward and tend to talk about deeper things.
I bought her a few drinks on a couple of occasions and everything remains cool until one night there's an absolute piss up at the place we're staying and I do love to drink but things got out of control that night. It started off as a fun party we talked a lot (her and I) and then I completely blacked out. Next day everyone acts like nothing happened but I'm informed by a friend that at one point I tried to kiss her. I don't really know what else happened or if she reciprocated but as far as I know she just turned her head and was pretty wasted herself.
Anyways things seemed to be fine afterwards and I just acted like everything was normal. I couldn't find many chances to spend time with her over the next week due to work and she made friends with other guys and they got to go out for her last weekend which I missed out on because I worked the night shift. During this time though I asked for her number and exchanged a few texts. I was also lucky enough to have her in my room and we chatted but outside of that she seemed to prefer the company of others even though I made a point to apologize for the nights events and joked about it. Eventually she leaves and we hug goodbye and I find out she's going to be back in this city in a couple of months so I figured I could keep in touch and stay friends through text and such, maybe get another shot.
So I send a friend request on Facebook which is never accepted (she was friends with everyone else already). I give it a few days and send a text of the "How's it going?" variety with no reply. I give it another couple days and send another. Eventually she got back to me stating that she was sorry but she wasn't interested in staying in contact and that she had a boyfriend and made a note to wish me the best. This really got to me because she's on her phone half the time communicating with people she's met on her travels and now I'm an exception. I sent a lengthy self depreciating apology for making her uncomfortable saying I only ever wanted to be friends and wouldn't mind checking in on her every now and then to which I received no reply to date ( 8 days later).

A positive interpretation of this would be that she saw me as a prospect and felt guilty due to the boyfriend but being a cynic I can't help but think that she found me distasteful and tried to get me out of her life in the nicest way possible, boyfriend perhaps being made up. What I'm asking is whether or not it's kind of rude to blatantly say she didn't want to stay in touch at all, I mean we exchanged numbers and texted and such while she was here, she even sent me lengthy texts about how her day was going and I never made a pass at her again. Also is there any way I can salvage this? I got her on BBM, even after her message and the lack of a response to my apology could I still come back with a sort of "haven't spoken in a while, thought I'd drop you a line" kind of thing. I really would like another shot just to be friends.

[smackie9]

You are a pretty possessive guy for someone who isnt actually dating this girl. You are just being a sore loser because you got rejected. Just because you invested a little time with her doesnt mean she owes you anything. She really pushed you out because you are very persistent or should I say pushy. You may feel you are not but with this post even I can see it, just by the way you talk about yourself and her response. You need to just leave her be, she obviously wants to be left alone, that is her choice so you should respect that. Time to call it a day and go lick your wounds. Note: Once you tried to kiss her, and she went cold, that is because she had no intention of reciprocating, she isnt into you because you were friend zoned. Her message is loud and clear.....she wants nothing to do with you, not even friendship.

So to answer your question, its pretty much the norm to be rejected this way. Learn from it.

[haxan]

There's no way on earth you can put a positive spin on this. The old saying "she's just not into you". Let it go and stop looking like a fool by continuing to bother her.

[major_tom]

Harsh but fair enough. Reading back on that freaking essay I wrote I can see why I would come across as possessive and pushy but I really wasn't or at least never intended to be. It hurts when someone doesn't want anything to do with you forever so I just vented on this forum; not that I'm a special little snow flake or the first guy to get blown off so sorry if you found my post to be narcissistic and entitled. I'm just confused since apart from the ill fated drunken kiss everything seemed to go fine and I legitimately just wanted to be friends.

[smackie9]

Well you can toss the friends deal out the window now. Rejection is just part of life as we know. Sometimes people are in our lives for just a millisecond and then they are gone. I know someone who is down there from Belgium and he is going through the same thing as you. It's best not to take it too personally and there are plenty of other people to make friends with. Let it roll off your back, and move on.

[major_tom]

You're probably right. There's the chance of crossing paths again so I might at least get some closure. I get infatuated easily so I tend to blow things out of proportion. I guess I haven't outgrown the old Hollywood trope that acting smart and sensitive means that you deserve a hot girl. Well thanks anyways smackie.

[smackie9]

Now that you recognize how you behave in situations like this, you can make steps now to change it.....take the time to stop and rethink what you are doing. It will take some time but you can reprogram your way of thinking. Best of luck, and don't forget to just chill and enjoy your experience there.

[haxan]

Not being harsh OP, just telling how it is. Most guys pick up on the not interested vibes and move on quickly, you want to exhaust every almost inhumanly possible opportunity to get her to show interest. Save your self esteem the continual flogging.

[caligirl23]

Walk away NOW. You have freaked this girl out in some way and the continued messages from you when she has clearly told you she didn't want to stay in touch is making it worse. I know you mean well, but you're losing your dignity. Stop.

[major_tom]

I have not "freaked this girl out" caligirl. I only sent her a couple of texts after she left asking how she was going to which she sent me one stating that she had a boyfriend and wasn't interested in staying in contact. After that I sent one text apologizing; saying that I never wanted to be anything more than friends but that I understood if she was uncomfortable and didn't want to stay in touch. Afterwards I have respected her wish and never contacted her again. I only posted this to see if there was anyway to salvage the relationship and because I was confused as to why she didn't want to stay in contact. Other than when I tried to kiss her when we were both incredibly drunk (and I apologized for that in person and said it meant nothing) we were talking and texting like friends but after she left town she went dead.

[caligirl23]

Yes, you did. You tried to kiss her, drunk or not, so you outright sent the message that you were interested. She has not accepted your friend request, did not respond to your friendly text, and finally felt the need to tell you that she didn't want to stay in contact with you. Boyfriend or not, she has told you where you stand. Any further contact is going to make you look bad. I am not trying to be rude. I am being honest and telling you my perspective as a female and as a girl who has had this happen to her. You also sent what you have described as a lengthy message, which she hasn't replied to either. She said she wasn't interested in staying in contact. End of story. No way to salvage this at all. She has a separate life and is not interested. Do not contact her again. Move on.

[major_tom]

It's not what you think. I know that there's no way to salvage this, this post was mostly a post mortem. Just to clarify; I'm not constantly trying to win this girl over, the second she sent the text stating she didn't want to stay in contact I sent one back apologizing for making her feel uncomfortable and saying that I will never contact her again if that's what she wishes and I never have. I was just kind of taken aback by it. I went for the stupid kiss about 3 days after I met her. We both acted like nothing happened, I don't even remember and I apologized, the 2 weeks post kiss is when we spent most our time together, traded numbers and talked the most simply as friends. Anyways she obviously has her reasons and I have moved on. Just don't think that I'm harassing her after she made it clear she doesn't want to talk to me. That would just be impolite.

[smackie9]

It probably comes down to this....she met someone else that she has a stronger interest in, and that is how this crap works. She has no need to "keep in touch" with you because she may have a new BF now. Let it go. You never were dating so there is no need for closure. People will come and go in your life, and not every interaction should be treated as a treasured moment. 3 weeks is jack s hit to even worry about "closure".

[haxan]

Bottom line, Tom. If she liked you, you would've tore that pale German ass up the night she was drunk. You need to learn the dynamics of male/female interaction a bit more, gain some experience, then you won't be obsessing over every fraulein that turns you down.

[major_tom]

Just came back to visit this thread. Your last comment made me laugh my ass off for some reason Haxan