I broke up with my ex I think it was about 2 and a half months ago, time has been going too fast and I feel I can't keep up. At the time I had exams I had to focus and it took my mind of it. Besides she wouldn't even be in the same room as me (when we are still living together.) I though weeks time she'll come round. near a month later she still hasn't said a word to me. People told me to move on it's a lost cause so I did, I got interested in another girl, I thought about her loads massive crush. Asked her out and she didn't feel the same way, I didn't even care... Was doing good just getting on with things.

Then one day out of the blue ex talks to me, we hang out watch a couple of movies together, talk like we used to. Was nice like good friends. Still didn't think too much about it, went home for a couple of weeks just got back this Monday. And I look at the date, 1 week tomorrow she is moving back to her home country, and it hits me. I can't stop crying, my head is hurting, my brain is throbbing, I've been wondering around the house wanting to scream, but she's asleep in the next room.

I never stopped loving her of course, but now I just don't want her to go. All the good times are memories I can only look back with regret, and it's not right.

We decided to go on a break and just be friends for a month before she went home. She'd be back and a year and we'd try pick up where we left off. And it was all fine, until one day I upset her. And she never wanted to look at me talk to me ever again, she said she had no good feelings about me. So it seems she may have forgiven me now (or is trying,) but It's pretty much certain she doesn't love me anymore, or at least isn't romantically attached to me anymore.

I feel pathetic for needing her, but we were so good together, such a strong relationship and I've blinked at it's over. And I don't think I can fix it, and I want to try but I don't have time. Also she is handling it so well, I’d never seen her so lifeless when we broke up it was painful seeing her that way, and now she looks great, see she is over it. And I can see she doesn't need me, I got back to an empty house expecting her to come back, turns out she was on holiday, just got back today! It’s cool I know she doesn’t owe me anything, I don’t begrudge her at all.

I want to spend some time with her as friends before she goes, so when she does at least our last time together will be good together. I was hoping I could write to her next year as well. But maybes she just spoke to me because she felt like at the time, she may not think of me at all anymore and doesn't care. I think I will be doing the right thing, but it really hurts me. Time is going so fast so I may blink and everything is fine again, I'll look back and smile on the memories, I'll get a new girlfriend, and then that will end and I'll feel the same way. Everything feels a little hopeless right now.

Everything is so different between us, right now I feel awful, but I still feel there is some connection, because I can remember her so vividly and she is near. But she'll be gone soon. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for her going home next year, she's getting a great opportunity with her work placement, something I've got to look forward to also. But I see some people I know who have really unhealthy relationships. They argue all the time fight and break up, but it goes on so long, there's no clean break like this, and I'm a little jealous. Pathetic right?
I got awesome University results and some big opportunities’ coming up, was really starting to make decisions about what I want to do in the future. And then all of sudden something just switches in me and I feel it’s pointless, what I’m doing will have no significant impact on anything, I’m not really achieving anything and love and family are the most important things and there’s a chance I’ll never meet the right person. I’m thankful for the people in my life, but I’m sure we all know how loving that one person can complete you. But I’ve fu**ed this up, I don’t want it to happen again. But I feel I had no control over this, so I can try learn from my mistakes but what if all spirals out of control again?

Any advice, comments would really be appreciated, thanks guys. Apologies If I just come across as whiney, I’m just saying how I honestly feel.