Sexuality Confusion

[enginex]

Hi everyone,

I write to you seeking advice relating to a problem raised before, with further details!

I am aged 24 and currently single. My long term girlfriend broke up with me last year and since then I have had confusing feelings...

When I was around the age of 17, there was a boy I was involved with sexually with (who is now happily living with his male partner) which I just brushed off as being a phase. The issue I have is that I do notice guys more than girls, and do prefer being with guys a lot more to girls (socially, intimately).

I would love to pursue a relationship with someone of the same sex, but I just don't have the courage to do it (based on what people may say). I am not the sort of person that has one night stands. I have only had one relationship and that has been long term. It takes me a long time for me to be comfortable around someone anyway.

I also want to note, that I do notice girls as being attractive, but in most cases, the guy more so. This being the case, I feel like pursuing someone of the opposite sex for the sake of ease. My gut instinct tells me this is the wrong thing to do however.

I understand that there probably isn't that much advice someone can give me regarding this, but if anyone has any personal experiences that have helped them, then let me know.

Thanks

[boldandbrash]

im so glad to have read your post. let me start by saying in a very liberal person. im a college dance major who has seen it all...and nearly been through it. i had met who i thought was a guy online dated for year, before all that skype nonsense, and finally came to find out she was a girl. i had stayed with her because i thought of her as a best friend. it was a learning experience and i broke it off with her. even though i did love her and we had intimate experiences ive realized that in the end a guy was for me.

like you, she called me "settling for the norm." shed then ask, "but whos to say whats normal these days?" i think maybe you should look at your life like that. its totally okay to be attracted to someone of the same sex. love is love and it doesnt matter their exterior (something ive gained from my lesson.) i just worry if you settle at heart you wont be satisfied and you may get yourself into having a family with a woman then to break it off years later because you finally realized what was right.

point is, the world is changing and those who are close minded and dont support you shouldnt have a spot in your life. positivity is always key no matter what the situation! i say go for it. you'll only be happier and thats what matters most, YOU!

[searock]

boldandbrash, how could you have "dated" this person if you didn't even know if she was a girl or a guy?! :S

OP, you should follow your instincts. Don't worry about what other people say, you need to find your own happiness. Easier said than done, I know. All I can say is that all the homosexual persons I know are very happy that they had the courage to "come out" :-).

[enginex]

boldandbrash, how could you have "dated" this person if you didn't even know if she was a girl or a guy?! :S

OP, you should follow your instincts. Don't worry about what other people say, you need to find your own happiness. Easier said than done, I know. All I can say is that all the homosexual persons I know are very happy that they had the courage to "come out" :-).

Thanks for your kind words.

You're right, it is easier said than done. I'm quite a shy person to begin with, so this isn't easy for me. Some days I just consider remaining on my own for the sake of ease (a silly thing to say I know).

I suppose in some ways I feel that I have followed this path for so long, there is no way that I can go back.

[Sonrisa]

you kissed a boy and you liked it

[oldskool83]

your gay lets face it you liked it. gives me the willies thinking about it but sum1s gotta be big papa cawk

[boldandbrash]

boldandbrash, how could you have "dated" this person if you didn't even know if she was a girl or a guy?! :S

OP, you should follow your instincts. Don't worry about what other people say, you need to find your own happiness. Easier said than done, I know. All I can say is that all the homosexual persons I know are very happy that they had the courage to "come out" :-).

clearly you have never heard of the phrase young and dumb. i was in highschool. we talked on the phone and had used myspace (she had hacked her cousins who had no idea.)

anyways back to the topic... i know youve been seeming to have settled as you said, but these days its nothing unusual to be gay or bisexual!

[enginex]

Thanks for the replies... I think haha

I understand people saying it is nothing unusual but it feels unusual to me.

I guess I want to know how i can get over feeling this way. I don't want it to be a constant struggle in my mind as to what I should be doing. Some days I feel so down about it, to the point where I feel like it is just easier to be alone.

[cheekxs]

I dont know. I dont like topics like this.
But to be honest i think people choose to be gay/lesbian at a certain point.
Maybe cause this experience it and liked it or cause they missed one of the genders while growing up (mother or father love) in their life..
Some then will go after that gender they missed ,trying to fill what they are missing.

I really think u can better pray about this and talk to God for Him to help you with this wrong feeling.

Cause there are some ways in this world that once u walk them its hard and almost impossible for you to go back once u start them.
So its better that u have never even touch them.

[searock]

cheekxs, that's BS. People don't choose who to be attracted to. I'm assuming you're straight, so what happened was that once you reached puberty you realized that you were attracted to guys. There was no "choice" involved. What a coincidence - it's exactly what happened to the OP. And don't tell me it's not "natural" and sh*t because loads of non-human animals have sex amongst same-gender specimen (I've personally seen male dogs having sex with each other, just to give a tangible example).

OP, you shouldn't care about these types of opinions. It's who you are, you need to accept it, and I assure you that once you do that, there will be no more struggle. What to do will simply be what you feel like doing.

[MaidenMinx]

I have a friend who I met through work years ago. When I met him he described himself as bi. I accepted that and didn't think anything of it at first. Over time I he slowly confided in me that he was more gay than bi. I told him I wasn't surprised. We discussed his parents and friends and who would accept him and who wouldn't. I told him friends that didn't support him weren't friends. His parents were a tougher issue. Once he came out to everyone he actually thanked me for his support and said he couldn't have done it with out me.

Maybe talk to the guy that is happily attached to his guy friend. He might be able to give you the support you need.

[cheekxs]

@searock

so if u see people killing each other that will be your argument also?
i think u are just afraid to say your real thoughts.
since people are not allowed to say anything against homosexuality in Europe!

And u cant compare dogs with humans.
Are u crazy?????????? U dont even think there is right or wrong? just cause u saw it u take it for right?? u weird tho.

[MaidenMinx]

Cheekxs, take your God bothering attitude elsewhere. God has nothing to do with this issue.

Oh and by the way, I have no problem with God. It's his fan club I object to.

[enginex]

@searock

so if u see people killing each other that will be your argument also?
i think u are just afraid to say your real thoughts.
since people are not allowed to say anything against homosexuality in Europe!

And u cant compare dogs with humans.
Are u crazy?????????? U dont even think there is right or wrong? just cause u saw it u take it for right?? u weird tho.

I just want to say, that the reason that this is so difficult for me, is because it will be hard for those around me to accept. Personally, I don't understand the issue that some people have with it. I can actually understand people feeling uncomfortable about the idea of it, but why would they let that manifest into hate?

As a society, I would like to think that we are entering an age where we aren't basing our moral guidance on an outdated text. The major advances in equality in recent years have come through largely secular movements and long may that continue. Everyone should feel free to believe what they want to believe as long as it is isn't harming others. If what they believe means they can't see a homosexual person as a person and treat them with mutual respect then that is strong evidence that their belief system is fundamentally flawed.

This is something that I am struggling to come to terms with and I can 100% say with confidence, is most certainly not something I choose.

As a side note, I would be interested to hear what you mean by the post I have quoted. I struggle to understand the point being made.

[searock]

cheekxs, what you say is idiotic. I made the example of the dogs because many homophobic persons claim that homosexuality is "against nature". There you go, a tangible example that it is not.