What goes on inside a mans head? Need some advice (as harsh as you see fit)!

[Kat27]

Hi everyone

Really in need of some advice, as brutally honest as you like please as this is doing my head in!

I have known this guy for a while and always liked him, he is known through my family and many people have said how much of a good couple we would be, that he is the nicest bloke you'll ever meet but is shy and if I wanted to go out I'd have to ask him out, so I decided against that as it's not really me. I don't like to put myself out there too much incase of rejection really.

So anyway the other week I saw him in a supermarket and he looked really nice, he sent me a message the following day and started talking all day and everyday since. We met up the following night and soon were kissing pretty passionately, I was very aware that I wasn't going to do anything more than just kiss as I liked him so much but once we were back to texting after our meet it soon turned dirty...I had never experienced 'Lust at first site' until I met with him. I was really shocked at how open he was being about things he wanted us to do and I felt so comfortable with it...definitely not the 'shy' person I thought he was! We met up a few times after and I was really honest with him and said I wouldn't want to sleep with him as I was worried I wouldn't hear from him again and that I am not the type of girl who does that with anyone and he told me not to worry and that he's not like that either, besides his uncle (not by blood who is my step dad) would not be happy with him if he did that and he's a scary guy and very protective over girls in the family.

Anyway cutting to the point, we slept together last night, it was amazing and he really enjoyed it too. I got lots of soppy messages last night about how he cannot wait to see me again etc. But today hardly a thing, very short answers in fact which is really unlike him.

I am now worrying that I gave in too soon, I didn't want to keep putting him off and sound like a prude and to be honest I really wanted to do it, like I said earlier it really was lust at first sight!

He is a really nice guy, I've known him for 16 years so know that he isn't a 'player' and has been brought up in a respectable family.

I would really appreciate a guys perspective on this please. Constructive advice please on how I should go about this, if he has just played me or if I should be honest?

To be honest I don't think he'd dare 'play' me as my stepdad would kill him and he knows that, and my step dad was the one telling both of us (seperately) we should get together.

I'm wandering if he is actually shy when it comes to striking up non-sex related conversation or maybe he's scared...is that possible?

OR am I looking at this with rose tinted glasses?

From a mans point of you what should I do without looking stalker-ish! I like this guy - should I move on or bite the bullet and say something to him!

Thanks in advance

[berg101]

From what you have said it doesn't really sound to me like he's messing you around - it could simply be that he's had a bad day and doesn't feel like talking much. Maybe just call him on it and see how he is - offer to lend an ear if he needs to talk to somebody, I personally really appreciate it when a girl does that.

Another reason for his short answers is maybe he want's to see if you felt as good about last night as he did, almost like he wants to know that your willing to fight for him - his short messages could be his way of trying to get you to ask him if he's okay, maybe a sort of 'cry for help'.

If all that fails I know from personal experience that the best way to get a guy to come straight back to you is to ignore him - I had a **** buddy a while ago and then she decided she wanted to get serious and I didn't, anyway she started ignoring my messages and being very blaze about everything and it really wound me up and made me realise that I actually wanted to be with her. It's just like the saying 'you never know what you've got till it's gone'.

If you've known him for as long as you say you have then I don't believe you will appear 'stalkerish' in anyway, nor will he see you as being needy.

Hopefully that helps.

Good luck and please report back how it goes.

[smackie9]

Someone is coaching him to pull back and be distant to keep your desire up. He may have mentioned what happened to a friend, and his friend warned him not to get too clingy or you will lose interest. Send him some up beat messages, fluff up his ego a little then wait. But next time you get together for a date, close those legs until it is clear that you two are officially dating.

[Boisdevie]

Guys seem to be less communicative than women. It might mean absolutely nothing. And this whole 'I've slept with him, he's had his evil way and now he's left' is so often complete bullshite.

[smackie9]

Even tho you are not blood related you are still considered as cousins. Your family might be a little disturbed by it. It's quite possible his parents found out and got at him for doing it or he is trying to hide it from everyone. So this would explain his distance. Just my two cents.

[Kat27]

Thanks for all the advice guys! I think I'm being a little paranoid to be honest. It sounds like he's holding back and to be honest i do that too to keep a guy interested so I suppose I'm not used to it being the other way round will keep you all posted on the situation!

Oh and we aren't cousins, basically my 'step dad' is his dads best mate but he's always called him uncle .... And he was never married to my mum and they havent been together for nearly five years but for the purpose of this communication it was easier to call him my 'step dad' other than my mums ex partner who I still see. Don't worry it's not some weird incestuous relationship. I suppose we were acquaintances, I saw his parents more than him and they love me

Thanks again everyone!

[Kat27]

So it turns out I'm not being paranoid, he's still hardly speaking to me. I feel like such a mug and I'm really hurt! I am so tempted to send him a message but I don't want to come off bad or do you think he should be made to feel bad?! If he just wanted a one night stand then why put all the effort into getting to know me?! He should've just picked up a sla**er on a saturday night if thats all he wanted, not me

My 'stepdad' is asking how things are going and I feel a fool, really need some help on how I should approach this...I don't want him thinking he's gotten away lightly I want him to know I'm hurt and he shouldn't treat me like this...I also want to save some face

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[smackie9]

He knows what he did was mean to you, but well I'm sure he has a long line of drinks thrown in his face, some flattened tires, and angry messages from the others he has done this to...I can bet money you are not his first victim. Obviously angry women never had any affect on him so if you want to save face, just lick your wounds and leave it be.


Just look at it as a lesson learned....like your mother had always told you guys only want one thing, if you don't keep those legs closed they will not respect you.

[Kat27]

Thank you for the advice, I have calmed down since writing the earlier post and I am just going to let it go. Be a bigger person and not let him think it's affected me.

What a horrible person though...and you think you know someone! Really does make me wander if I will ever find a decent guy, I really have the worst taste and judge of character!

Anyway onwards and upwards that prince charming is out there somewhere

[Wakeup]

Thank you for the advice, I have calmed down since writing the earlier post and I am just going to let it go. Be a bigger person and not let him think it's affected me.

What a horrible person though...and you think you know someone! Really does make me wander if I will ever find a decent guy, I really have the worst taste and judge of character!

Anyway onwards and upwards that prince charming is out there somewhere

What will you do if/when he contacts you in a week or two like he's done nothing wrong and wants to know if you'd like to get together again?

[toknow]

Say to him something care free like with the feel that you wouldn't lift an eyebrow if he responded or not. That will make him feel like he was the one being used...lol. No but really, if you can create the right atmosphere, he will respond to it.