Help me, please...Is it going somewhere or not?

[searock]

I see...searock, you've got the same experience, so you understand how terrible sth like this is. What happened after you broke up with your boyfriend? Did you actually start a relationship with your friend? (just asking, i know that each situation is different,but still)
You know how they say you can't sit on two chairs at the same time...I think thats exactly what is going to happen, I'll fall from both of them...or maybe not,we'll see
thanks again, this is really helping me. Discussing it with someone makes it somehow easier

What happened after I broke up was that I felt really sad about it, but all the time I knew I had done the right thing. Also, it felt great to finally be relieved of the guilt of thinking about another guy while I was with my ex. Though there was never anything physical, it was emotional cheating (which I find worse). Eventually my friend and I did start a relationship, he is my boyfriend now. But that's not really the point: I broke up with my ex regardless of the situation with my friend, because the very fact that I was having an emotional affair (which was lasting so long) meant that the relationship wasn't right.

[GHH]

That's exactly what i was thinking recently...I wanted to talk to my boyfriend last night, but i got scared at the end and didn't say anything. He's a nice guy and I do have feelings for him,i really do..but obviously what is happening is not right and i know that is not fair to keep my relationship going in order to avoid the sad end...i'm afraid, i don't want to hurt him; and just the thought of what is going to happen makes me extremely sad..but i guess it will be a great relief as well...Ok,then..Wish me luck, and as soon as im ready, I'll do it..hope i'm not going to make a mistake :S but it seems like the right thing to do...

[searock]

What you just wrote sounds like what I used to think at the time... exactly! I guess it all comes down to being extremely honest with yourself... are you in love with your boyfriend? Do you feel like your life would be complete and satisfying if you spent it all with him? Do you see the two of you together in, say, 10 years time? Would you sacrifice your "friendship" with your room mate for the sake of your relationship with your boyfriend? If the answer to those questions is "no", or even "I don't really know", it means you are not in love with him, and as much as it will hurt to break up with him (because it will hurt like hell), it will be the right thing. You need to follow your heart on these matters. Not breaking up with him to avoid hurting him may be a good temporary solution, but your feelings will not go away and eventually the truth will come to the surface, and it will be even worse when you eventually will break up.

I wish you the best of luck, I know how hard it is. But when you follow what is true, you are doing the right thing :-).

[GHH]

Hi, everybody...

It's been a while since my last post... Some things have changed... but I'm still in a pretty weird situation. And I feel the need to share it with someone...

So, here's the thing. The last two months were very difficult, I was trying to make up my mind and decide what to do. The result was - one moth of struggling. I told my boyfriend that we should break up, because Im afraid I'm missing sth in our relationship, and because of some other reasons(but never mentioned anything about my best friend/flatmate). My boyfriend apparently loves me that much, that despite all the conversations we've had recently, he still wants to be with me and to try one more time. Worst of all, he guessed by himself that me braking up with him has also sth to do with my friend...I denied at the beginning,cause i didnt want to make him feel worse than he already was, but since he said he's sure about it,no matter what i say, and that he understands...I gave up, and confessed that there is this weird thing going on between us and I don't know what to do... So, at the end, not just that my boyfriend didn't start hating me, BUT he even thinks that we're meant for each other, and that this is just sth we should go through...
On the other hand,although I decided not to talk to my friend/flatmate,it happened a few days ago. We were again in one of "those" situations and he asked whats wrong. He practically made me say it out loud...and so i told him that my feelings towards him are not just friendly as before. I said Im sorry, he said there's nothing to be sorry about. I said that Im not expecting anything from him, and that im sorry to burden him with this information, and that I hope he won't freak out, cause I won't do anything that will cause any harm to our friendship. he said its ok, and then he said..." I'll think about this,ok?" I said alright, and that he doesn't need to say anything back and he can just leave things like this, until my crush eventually goes away. He just said "How do you know I've got nothing to say?"... Then, the next day, we had guests for the weekend, and we didnt have much time to spend alone. He was acting like if i we didnt talk the previous day, everything was the same.Then he said he wants to talk to me,as soon as our guest leaves. And so, the guest left, and i waited for some time..but he didnt say anything. After a day i couldnt hold it,and i asked him what did he want to tell me,but he said he still wants to talk but not now...
Now,its been 3 days since then...he seems to act like nothing's happened..And i just seriously dont know what to think...I just couldnt be more confused.
He went on a trip today...and he'll be back on Sunday...

any thoughts?

[searock]

I think you should have broken up with your boyfriend even if he insisted to stay together. Clearly you are not in love with him, you don't think he is the one for you nor the love of your life, while he clearly thinks all this about you: it's wrong to string him along like this, and to prevent him from being with someone who really loves him back by doing so. You think that you stay with him so as to hurt him the least possible, but in the end your break up will be inevitable, and the longer you will have waited to break up, the more painful it will be for him when it happens. He will feel deceived, in addition to being hurt by the break up itself. I think you should break up straight away. I've been there, done that - I know it's really tough. It took me three attempts before I actually managed to break it off entirely. Each time I told him I wasn't in love with him, he told me "we can work it out, I love you, let's stay together, we are happy" and I was weak and I stayed with him. It just made it worse for him (and for me as well, actually) when we finally, inevitably, did break up (because I refused to stay with him that last time, even though he wanted to).

As for your friend, he might be confused by your confession. I think he is mostly confused from the fact that you are still together with your boyfriend. If you were so in love with him, surely you would have stopped having sex (that's how guys think) with another guy? Also, why have you waited so long before telling him? Maybe he has someone else on his mind by now, it seems like he does. Break up with your boyfriend, then tell your friend that you would like to know as soon as possible whether he is interested in dating you or if he isn't into you "that way", because if the latter is the case, then you need to know it in order to move on. You need to take both of these steps to put some order in your sentimental life.

I suggest you break up with your boyfriend the next time you see him, then call your friend and tell him you broke up and that you would like to know, by the time he comes back on Sunday, if he is interested in dating you. Good luck, and please keep me updated, this story reminds me very much of my own and I'm curious to know how it evolves :-).

[toknow]

Wow...Where do I begin. How in the world does your boyfriend not see anything wrong with you living with another person of the opposite sex (It's called sex for a reason). It's hard to comprehend how casually you speak of this. Definitely you should have let your boyfriend know you don't love him a long time ago. I can not tell you or your friend to not act on it, because if you or him have to try not to act on it only because it's wrong and not because you simply don't want it, then it's the same as you just going through with it. As soon as you desire it, it's like you've already done it.