Help me, please...Is it going somewhere or not?

[GHH]

Hi guys,

I already posted this in the "Love advice" section, but now that I'm thinking here is maybe the best place to discuss it... I think i need some male point of view...can you help me figure out what is going on?
here is my story, and I'll deeply appreciate it if anybody can give me an advice what to do...or at least your opinion.

There is this guy, you could say my besf friend. We've known each other for a while already, and we live together for almost 9 months now. We are really close, spend most of our time together, and share a lot in common. Before we started living together we were spending all of our free time together as well, and we were goofing around from time to time, but i never thought there was something between us. But now that we share the same apartment, and especially in the past 3-4 months we "play" with each other on daily bases. It's ridiculous, we're acting like children when we're alone. I think we have already crossed some lines, but nothing serious has happened (like a kiss or anything)...I know what everybody will think, but the situation is not that simple as it seems.
He's got a girlfriend, but she's not here most of the time. They meet once per few months when she comes, for a couple of weeks, but they maintain their relationship, and he really loves her. I know him very well, and we talk with each other about everything. I know he would never cheat, so i'm not surprised we have never reached to another level. But what I'm confused about is, does he actually like me, or he just misses his girlfriend and I'm some kind of a replacement of her...I'm also in a relationship, and i can't complain about it, everything is ok...but somehow it appears i spend around 1-2 hours with my boyfriend every day, and another 6 or even more with my friend...
There are these moments when i'm so sure that he feels much more , but i think i can't be objective anymore...many people think we're dating and we have to explain ourselves every time. Our friends joke with us if we're a couple all the time, but none of us ever responds on those comments.
I don't know, maybe it's silly...there are of course more details, but all in all - we share everything, we do almost everything together, we never fight, we live together, the only thing we don't do is have sex with each other...i dont want to talk to him about it, because im afraid he doesnt feel the same and this will influence out friendship....i cant talk to our friends,because im afraid they'll tell him...
please, share your opinions with me...

[Mdates]

Don't mess up a good friendship, looking for something that isn't there! The fact this guy, has never initiated any kissing or anything sexual with you, proves there is nothing there, you keep fishing for that little hope and it's a longshot! respect his girlfriend, by respecting their relationship and try focusing on yours. How can you think of another man, while your with one?

[GHH]

I may havent explain myself clear enough...not messing up my friendship is the whole point of me writing here..

as i said , there are lot more details. I am respecting their relationship, i have never done (and will never do) anything that'd affect them. It's not like I'm hoping for sth to happen. As a matter of fact, i tried keeping a distance, but he keeps picking me up from work, even when he's got sth else to do, texting me all the time when we're not together, pulling these mmm questionable jokes...i think you see my situation the other way around. It's not like im innitiating anything, it seems the opposite to me. It's just that i started noticing it and thinking about it...and it made me confused , thats all!
I can see why many people'd judge me...but don't get me wrong, i have no intensions on betraying my bf! i have principles..and NO CHEATING is probably one of the most important ones...
thanks for the reply anyway

[haxan]

What's the problem? Just an old fashioned male/female friendship here, nothing going on. lol !

[searock]

Clearly you are having an emotional affair with your room mate. I think the first thing you should do is to break up with your boyfriend, since you aren't in love with him anymore. Then, you should talk to your room mate: let him know that you have feelings for him and ask him if he feels the same.

[dnna1]

You should break up with your boyfriend, or you will continue to hurt him. Then, you can try to make your roommate know how you feel.

[vashti]

This is the reason it isn't a good idea to have opposite-gender roommates. Living together breeds a familiarity that is often inappropriate when not romantically involved.

I suggest you get a girl for a roommate.

[John12]

wonderful

[GHH]

wonderful???

[GHH]

thank you guys,im still thinking what is the best thing to do...probably you're right.. i just cant believe im in the middle of this. Its so untipical for me to deal with such kind of stupid situations :S by the way, vashti, i don't know if the key is switching the roommate. I've been living abroad already for years, and for this time i've had a few room mates, all of them guys, except for one girl, and i never had any problem with that. I never ever had such kind of a thing with any of them, and all of them are my friends...but maybe you're right, it'd be more secure if it was a girl...
anyway...i'll have to find the guts to solve the problem now...just cant help it not to feel bad and well, BAD!!!

[searock]

Just make sure you break up with your boyfriend as soon as possible, since you are wasting his (and your) time by continuing the relationship. Also, being single will help you clear your mind and understand how you really feel, as well as what to do and how to do it.

I speak from experience: I also had an emotional affair with my best guy friend while we were both taken (his was also a long distance relationship). We dragged the affair on way too long, and when I eventually broke up with my boyfriend (which was what I should've done as soon as I realized I had feelings for my friend), it hurt A LOT more than it would have if I had broken up with him straight away.

[Bush1]

Friendship is a very pure things, do not defile it

[GHH]

I see...searock, you've got the same experience, so you understand how terrible sth like this is. What happened after you broke up with your boyfriend? Did you actually start a relationship with your friend? (just asking, i know that each situation is different,but still)
You know how they say you can't sit on two chairs at the same time...I think thats exactly what is going to happen, I'll fall from both of them...or maybe not,we'll see
thanks again, this is really helping me. Discussing it with someone makes it somehow easier

[Dry Spell1]

It blows my mind.

[Anna12]

Yes, I quite agree to your point of view.