I've been lied to again but don't know how to confront her...

[pedderz]

I've just found out from my girlfriend's brother in-law that she deceived me again.

Following my recent post (loveforum.net/threads/66709-Help...don-t-know-what-to-do) I met up with my girlfriends brother in-law to talk about the complicated situation I'm in.

My girlfriend told me that she stayed at her sisters/brother in-laws house on Monday night but have now found out she didn't actually go and stayed elsewhere.

I've noticed behaviour changes in her and I strongly suspect she's seeing someone behind my back.

What can I do and how can I ask her to tell me the truth? There are children involved and I really don't want to end the relationship because I love her.

[oldskool83]

tell her you need to have a talk and are concered about somthing and she needs to be truthful.

[surfhb]

So you want to continue a relationship after she lies? You're not just in love, you're stupid as well.

Put your ball sack back on and tell her what you want

[HeartIsAching]

Even if she's NOT seeing someone else, you've caught her in lies, and you don't trust her. Without trust, you've got nothing worth preserving anyhow... so personally I think you just need to break up with her. Tell her why, too.

[pedderz]

I appreciate everyone's replies and yes it doesn't bode well. The situation isn't good.

We've a 2 week overseas holiday booked in a months time and taking all 4 children with us. Her children have had a rough time as they don't live with her and I love and get on with them really well and my kids are also close to them.

My girlfriends brother in law said that I should still go no matter what happens but I'm unsure that I should. It will break their hearts if I call it off although if she plays the lying game, it will be on my mind for the whole holiday and it will affect the kids.

I have said that I won't walk away as she's had issues in the past, but her family have said that she seems to be scared of commitment and as soon as someone loves her, she runs away.

I should walk but there's more to it than just her and me.

[HeartIsAching]

I appreciate everyone's replies and yes it doesn't bode well. The situation isn't good.

We've a 2 week overseas holiday booked in a months time and taking all 4 children with us. Her children have had a rough time as they don't live with her and I love and get on with them really well and my kids are also close to them.

My girlfriends brother in law said that I should still go no matter what happens but I'm unsure that I should. It will break their hearts if I call it off although if she plays the lying game, it will be on my mind for the whole holiday and it will affect the kids.

I have said that I won't walk away as she's had issues in the past, but her family have said that she seems to be scared of commitment and as soon as someone loves her, she runs away.

I should walk but there's more to it than just her and me.

If the children matter to you, then you should think about the lessons you'll be teaching them about love and life. They'll figure out that relationships between men and women are supposed to be full of resentment and recrimination. That no matter how abusively one treats their partner that they should stay and be unhappy. That you'll put up with anything as long as she says "sorry".

You want to rear another generation that perpetuates dysfunction, go right ahead. I'm not entirely sure why you asked for opinions if your intent is to stay.

[Boisdevie]

Ultimately her children are her responsibility not yours. Do you want to continue in a shitty relationship?

[pedderz]

So I've had a think about this all over the last few days. Her behaviour hasn't improved to the someone that supposedly said to me "wants to be with me because she loves me" 2 weeks ago.
My suspicions all the greater right now as a set of keys I found in her draw last week disappeared this morning when she left for work. Apparently she's meeting up with work friends tonight and may stay over at her female friends house. Well I don't think her friend would have given her a set of keys so this one I will keep for D day.
It does hurt but I'm going to wait until the weekend when we're supposed to be spending both days together.
I will lay my cards on the table, look her in the eye and tell her exactly who I am, what I'm willing to give, my commitment, the love I have for her, the plans we're supposedly meant to be making for when her daughter moves in... then ask what she feels and what she wants, the confusion. Once I've got this I will then proceed to gaining answers out of her based on:

- I know you didn't stay at your sisters house, where did you stay?
- Your weeks holiday you let slip "we" and rephrased it "I" in the next sentence. Why?
- The keys, who's are they? For what and why did you take them?
- Who's regularly sending you a morning BBM/txt?
- Why are you so discreet about sending txts now?
- Where's the "I love you's" you used to regularly say?

It may be a waste of time but I need to know all the above and see her reaction. I had said that I wouldn't walk but I can't see this carrying on with her behaviour. Very nice girl with a good heart but trust, loyalty and fidelity are the qualities of a good relationship, and this slipped in the last few months.
As for the holiday, I'll be taking my children as planned but get accommodation elsewhere as I don't want to disappoint them. Their mother has been a nightmare with me since our split over 2 years ago and I'm not going to let her gain an advantage over this. It will be hard, sad and difficult but I'm being positive rather than getting upset about it.