Long Dist Relationship Advice

[redrex94]

Me and my partner are in a LDR, she lives 6 hrs drive away (1hr flight), as im sure with every LDR at first we talked constantly, used facetime etc and always had new conversation to talk about, over time as you can expect there is only so much new stuff you can talk about without it seeming the same conversation every time.

I really care about her and if all goes well I'm going to move there in a few months, she has had a real **** of an ex who hit her (hense why they broke up) and I know she finds it hard to open up again most of the time but she has also said to me that she cares for me a lot and that's the reason she's trying to let someone in again. Before she met me she said she'd basically given up hope.

I think we're talking on the phone too much, it's great to talk in the morning for 15mins before work, then I'll normally talk to her during the day split up for a few hours then we'll talk when I get home from gym for another 2-4hrs, as I said over time conversation is starting to slow a little which I think is a normal thing I mean how many things can happen in a day to talk for 4-6hrs.

I need help in how to say this to her without her taking it the wrong way. I'm pretty sure she is going to feel the same way but I don't want her to think it's because I don't want to talk to her but more because I don't want the relationship to start going stale. I'd be happy to talk for the 15mins in the morning, maybe a few mins at lunch quickly and a little bit before bed. I can tell she feels the same because before we would talk while I cook tea etc now she always says go have your shower, cook, eat then give me a call. This doesn't bother me, because there's not a huge deal left to know about each other it's more so just day to day stuff.

Sorry for the wall of text, but how much is a good amount with in a LDR and how can I say it to her without it sounding wrong or her taking it wrong.

I think if we keep talking this much the relationship is going to become stale and not work. I'm going to see her this weekend coming but I think a discussion on the phone about it would be fine because that's 4 days away otherwise.

Thanks.

[kpreen]

I did LDR for more than two years without seeing him. Sometimes we talk much or very less and also chat most of the time. The relationship didn't go stale, never until we get married. Be feel free to tell her anything whatsoever on phone. You will be surprised at her positive opinion too. Though i was getting tired sometime along the way, but got back on track through some readings. Goodluck!

Its okay tell her about what you are thinking

[ann119]

Same goes with kpreen, i had LDR with my BF for 2 years without seeing him. One of the reasons why I hold on to him because we had a continues communication tru SMS, chat, phone calls. He spent much time chatting with me, sharing his past experiences, family, etc.

I really need his time during that time because I was longing to see him, and I was very sad. He always comforted me by giving his time to me.

Mostly, he spent his time for more than 3 hours chatting with me everyday. He's not on my side during those times but I really feel that we were very close to each other.

Maybe that what you GF wants, she wants you to comfort her too.

[Petit Papillon]

I am with my boyfriend since 3,5 years and we're in LDR since about 1,5, but we spend half of the time together anyway, but the situation is pretty similar. There aren't simply things to talk about right, what should we talk about if for example he went only to work and I went only to my university, simply nothing happened during the day... It's pretty normal. It's like you would live together, would you talk to each other constantly? You wouldn't.

I suggest, don't say anything, just do your thing and respond when you feel like.

[redrex94]

Thanks for the replies, yesterday we were both very busy and didn't chat much during the day for the first time ever, it was strange but we ended up only chatting for about an hour before bed, the whole conversation went smooth and we had a lot more to talk about. She went out and seen some friends which I try to encourage, as did I, so we both had a story to tell each other.

Again it's definitely weird when you're use to talking for many hours a day but I think it's for the best, it's just going to take some getting use to. I'm going to be extremely busy today at work so the same thing is going to happen, it does feel very weird but I have to realise it's for the best and just because we don't talk all day doesn't mean she's going to forget me.

Unfortunately, we didn't have to whole living together then moving away, the whole time we have been LDR which does make it harder. I would love to be able to take her out to dinner every weekend and go on those couple dates but I don't really get that chance, I know she misses that side of it big time because she sees all her friends and there bf's being around each other whenever they want. We've got a pretty busy weekend when I head over there but before I go back I'm going to try and take her out for dinner atleast, have a proper date.