Pressured to have sex

[asdfg789]

.. Well he made me feel special, he cares for me genuinely and make efforts to rmb things I say ...

all these nice things you are getting now - will disappear VERY QUICKLY once you have intercourse.
what he is doing is fair game for someone closer to his age. at your age, he is definitely trying to pray on your youthful innocence.

[IQSnowyX]

all these nice things you are getting now - will disappear VERY QUICKLY once you have intercourse.
what he is doing is fair game for someone closer to his age. at your age, he is definitely trying to pray on your youthful innocence.

Yea we have discussed that as well. Like our age gap... Then I thought about his parents whose age gap is even greater than us. And clearly the age gap problem doesnt run in his family, his siblings date people younger than them etc So maybe he's following that footsteps? I don't know. He says I will also grow up one day even if I'm only 19 now. Some couples work despite their age gap, some don't. I don't know mine will work and I don't know if I will pass up the chance to see if he's the one... I hate the idea of breakingup because well then we will have to be strangers in future and I definitely cannot take it... I guess I will see how? I will tell him that I only want to focus on my studies first and nothing else matters at the moment. Until I graduate... Then I think about whether I should continue? Or maybe we both will split up automatically? I trust that he's a sensible person because when he was with me, he said how he hated people who don't have self-control even when they get old, or how gentlemen/good people are. If he has such knowledge in him to act sensibly(not flare up when things get nasty; instead calm down and solve problem), I really can't bring myself to believe that he's using me for his own good... He also doesn't restrict me from anything... He meets according to my schedule most of the time and advises me to avoid painting nails because they are toxic to health(this I'm sure he meant if for my own good, right?). He said my nails can be polished well with just the buffer.

Okay my plan now is to try delay the sex thingy and meet less often, citing studies as reasons(actually it's also true I need time away from him to focus). Then I see how he reacts... And what if he said it's okay that we don't have sex now?

Anyway... Is condom 100% safe? Even if a person puts double condom? Should I take birth control pills too just in case? I heard bc pills have side effects and may disrupt the female fertility rate... No?

[IQSnowyX]

The hardest part of any relationship is letting go of the ones who bring you good memories and help you through ups and downs... Sigh. I don't want to be seen as an ungrateful bitch either. He always encourages me to focus on my studies which is most important and only meet if I'm free. We don't meet because of his booty call.

Guys, why are you all so difficult to understand??? How I wish I could know what you all are going on the mind. Sigh.

What's more every adult is telling me the same stuffs: You never know until you try.

So does this apply to my situation?

[vashti]

Anyway... Is condom 100% safe? Even if a person puts double condom? Should I take birth control pills too just in case? I heard bc pills have side effects and may disrupt the female fertility rate... No?

It sounds like you are planning to do it, so NO, do not use more than one condom (that would increase the risk of them breaking), and NO, they aren't 100% safe. YES, you should be taking the pill in addition to condoms, and YES, there are side effects (most commonly weight gain, breakthrough bleeding, and reduced libido). Obviously, the pill disrupts the fertility rate - that's what you are taking them for.

[AdminOnline]

Okay my plan now is to try delay the sex thingy and meet less often, citing studies as reasons(actually it's also true I need time away from him to focus). Then I see how he reacts... And what if he said it's okay that we don't have sex now?

Anyway... Is condom 100% safe? Even if a person puts double condom? Should I take birth control pills too just in case? I heard bc pills have side effects and may disrupt the female fertility rate... No?

no 100% safe..
birth control pills will have side effect. Never take it!

barely 3 months and he initiate for sex.. pretty desperate fellow..

The hardest part of any relationship is letting go of the ones who bring you good memories and help you through ups and downs... Sigh. I don't want to be seen as an ungrateful bitch either. He always encourages me to focus on my studies which is most important and only meet if I'm free. We don't meet because of his booty call.

Guys, why are you all so difficult to understand??? How I wish I could know what you all are going on the mind. Sigh.

What's more every adult is telling me the same stuffs: You never know until you try.

So does this apply to my situation?

wait till you get into rough side of relationship...

[IQSnowyX]

It sounds like you are planning to do it, so NO, do not use more than one condom (that would increase the risk of them breaking), and NO, they aren't 100% safe. YES, you should be taking the pill in addition to condoms, and YES, there are side effects (most commonly weight gain, breakthrough bleeding, and reduced libido). Obviously, the pill disrupts the fertility rate - that's what you are taking them for.

I don't plan to do it until I'm sure the man is the one I am deeply in love with - that's for sure. From my relationship with him, I learn that I will beat myself up if I only do it for pleasure. Isn't it the same as prostitutes then? What I really need is love, not pleasure. Now I know what I clearly want from a relationship. Sex is secondary to love.

[IQSnowyX]

It sounds like you are planning to do it, so NO, do not use more than one condom (that would increase the risk of them breaking), and NO, they aren't 100% safe. YES, you should be taking the pill in addition to condoms, and YES, there are side effects (most commonly weight gain, breakthrough bleeding, and reduced libido). Obviously, the pill disrupts the fertility rate - that's what you are taking them for.

I don't plan to do it until I'm sure the man is the one I am deeply in love with - that's for sure. From my relationship with him, I learn that I will beat myself up if I only do it for pleasure. Isn't it the same as prostitutes or easy women then? What I really need is love, not pleasure. I used to watch a lot of porns for guilty pleasure, but as I grow older I'm tired of it because of the idea they give (doing it without love). Now I know what I clearly want from a relationship. Sex, though is used to bond, is still secondary to love.

[IndiReloaded]

all these nice things you are getting now - will disappear VERY QUICKLY once you have intercourse.
what he is doing is fair game for someone closer to his age. at your age, he is definitely trying to pray on your youthful innocence.

He's much too old for you. Do you understand 'shredded', that's what is going to happen to you with this guy. Don't waste your virginity on a guy who pressures you like this. Tell him you want to wait for marriage. That will make him run.

[searock]

OP, you sound extremely naive and unexperienced when it comes to relationships. If you break up with him, it will not be the end of the world. So what if you will eventually be strangers to each other? You will be better off without him - you don't need him. Please do not ruin anymore of your youth with this man who is way too old for you, and knows it.

People in relationships should be equals, partners. A real boyfriend would tell you "hey why do you use nail polish, it's bad for your health, check out this article I found", but he would never *make you* not use nail polish, or guilt you into not using it through psychological manipulation, and this is just an example.

In order to have sex you need to feel completely comfortable with the person you are having it with. It is NOT the case with this guy. If you don't feel comfortable, it means that there is something wrong, and it shouldn't happen.

You don't owe him anything. He chooses to tell you those things, in an attempt to make you feel like you need him (and it's clearly working).

[oldskool83]

Blowjobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[IQSnowyX]

OP, you sound extremely naive and unexperienced when it comes to relationships. If you break up with him, it will not be the end of the world. So what if you will eventually be strangers to each other? You will be better off without him - you don't need him. Please do not ruin anymore of your youth with this man who is way too old for you, and knows it.

People in relationships should be equals, partners. A real boyfriend would tell you "hey why do you use nail polish, it's bad for your health, check out this article I found", but he would never *make you* not use nail polish, or guilt you into not using it through psychological manipulation, and this is just an example.

In order to have sex you need to feel completely comfortable with the person you are having it with. It is NOT the case with this guy. If you don't feel comfortable, it means that there is something wrong, and it shouldn't happen.

You don't owe him anything. He chooses to tell you those things, in an attempt to make you feel like you need him (and it's clearly working).

I agree with most of your sayings. However there's 2 parts that are misunderstood... He didn't make me not to use the nail polish. He just advises me not to, citing that it's harmful. Haha but I use it anyway, just occasionally for the sake of myself.. And one more thing is that I never see it as the end of the world if I break up. Lol. It's just that there's no reasons for me to break up at the moment. I have my studies to focus on and nothing else really matters. Right now I'm very into my studies by the way. It's bad enough to be strangers. Why must that be until that extent? If there's a way to get out of this, I would still wish to be friends. Hmm. Whether or not I need him, I think it's my job to find out myself, what I need from this relationship I guess. Maybe I will figure that out during my holidays. Perhaps the time together is short, I wouldn't know for sure if I really want him. Maybe I will see how? Thanks for your opinions about the sex thingy, I agree on that too. I just think at the moment it's better not to do anything that makes me regret or emotional even for some time because I still have my studies to juggle. Okay I'm tad pressured by the whole sex thingy and from all the replies here, I have sort of made my stand clear that I won't anyhow go down on anybody. I have re-evaluated the situation and decides to lie low for the moment. If he can't wait, that's his problem. If he wants to break up, then so be it, because there are still other good guys out there. If he decides to wait, I'm happy with that too. I will talk it out with him and see if there's a solution. If he can't agree, that means we ain't compatible. That will be the time to let go and no regrets for me Studies come first!

And yea he treats me well I know, I mean it's a gentleman gesture. And certainly I won't trade sex to pay back those gestures. I say I will treat him back when I start to have my own career so when that time arrives, I won't feel like I owe him. I do feel like I owe him now, but I do give back to him by treating him or insisting to pay for myself etc. He treats most of the time and that's normal for him, and my occasional treats are equal to what he treated me in that sense if you are talking about gender roles.

[IQSnowyX]

He's much too old for you. Do you understand 'shredded', that's what is going to happen to you with this guy. Don't waste your virginity on a guy who pressures you like this. Tell him you want to wait for marriage. That will make him run.

Thanks for the enlightenment. I know what to do already

[Lillypond]

Don't let him pressure you into anything you are not comfortable with because men like strong women.

[asdfg789]

... I have re-evaluated the situation and decides to lie low for the moment. If he can't wait, that's his problem. If he wants to break up, then so be it, because there are still other good guys out there. If he decides to wait, I'm happy with that too. I will talk it out with him and see if there's a solution. If he can't agree, that means we ain't compatible. That will be the time to let go and no regrets for me Studies come first!

IQSnowyX 1 Sleazeball friend 0

[AdminOnline]

iqsnowyx 1 sleazeball friend 0

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