Pressured to have sex

[IQSnowyX]

Hey guys, I know there had been similar threads like this before but they are closed.

Okay my situation is this:

I have been in the relationship for 3 months and for the past 1 month, he's sort of pressuring me to have sex. At first he just groped, but then later on he did other sexual stuffs, just without penetration. I told him I don't want it as I'm not ready and not wanting to risk getting any STDs or worry about being pregnant etc He said with condom nothing will happen. Many weeks after I told him the same thing. There's one time he sort of lost control and wanted me to go down on him. I rejected. He said it's okay that I don't want to. But he continues to grope me and attempts to make me high every time after that. Yesterday I felt uncomfortable. The thing is, he treats me very very well and cares about me. What should I do?

[Boisdevie]

Most men will want to have sex as part of an adult relationship so he's not being unusual. But if you are not happy with the idea of having sex then you wil have to end the relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

1. How old are you both

2. Are you a virgin?

3. Are you sexually attracted to him at all?

[AdminOnline]

Woman look for love but Man look for lust..

you should not give in to him so easily...

the typical method that guy do is:

1. the guy gain your trust by treating you like princess.. buying you gift, make you feel good..
2. once he know you are into him, he will advance further by requesting for sex etc..


girls are just so easy to trick into these kind of stuffs...got sweet talk by the guys..

most importantly, if a guy really love & respect you, he not should keep pressuring you despite telling him you do not want it...

if he still insist to 'invade' you, you must make a decision if this guy is just looking for sex or really into a relationship...

[IQSnowyX]

I am 19 and he'a 27+.. Yea virgin. And I don't feel that sexually attracted to him. I got into it because.. Well he made me feel special, he cares for me genuinely and make efforts to rmb things I say. He also taught me a lot of things and shares his perspective of life etc I learn a lot from him. He's also open about his schedule and never fails to send me notice before we meet up. Just that we don't really chat much nowadays. Our topics are kinda limited and I can't crack silly jokes like I used to be. You see, he's at the peak of his career and is busy so I understand.. But I know he only really likes me, and not love me. He can't be, even though we have been friends for almost 2 years before we got together. I also won't say I really love him or do I only love him yet.. But would definitely feel something amiss if he's not around. So yeah.

[IQSnowyX]

And also we never quarrel before. We made it clear that we would voice it out and solve together if theres any issues. So far we have been open about this. Our days are like dating but no emotional conflicts involved. But he doesn't tell me about his past or about his sexual behaviours. I understand that because I wouldnt want to talk about my past either.

[cheekxs]

you are stupid for real! he rapes you and you still say that he treat you well? from day one you should have break up! and leave! he wants just the sex, notting more!

[AdminOnline]

you are stupid for real! he rapes you and you still say that he treat you well? from day one you should have break up! and leave! he wants just the sex, notting more!

i thought rape involve penetration ?



anyway, your age gap with him is quite big.. he is already in the working world while you are still schooling..
The relationship is 3 months only and he started to show his true color already...

just stay guard and who knows...he might be a 'pro' in the dating field..

[IQSnowyX]

I didn't talk much to him cos he knows a lot of stuffs that I don't... And I can't really play arnd with words cos at his age he got his ego obviously thats why. He told me he likes me cos he feels comfortable with me and I am nice, cute and sweet. He did pressure me into buying stuffs before when I am trying to save more money. We talked after that and he understood my situation, he helped pay for meals and some other stuffs and didn't pressure me to buy anymore, not in the more obvious way at least. He always wants me to look good and stuffs like that, and advise me wht to wear, which looks nice etc I am conscious of myself since then. Thats not a bad thing I guess.

But lately because of these sexual behaviours, I am confused as to whether he spends time with me on that day so he could have his fix at night for sex or he just simply likes my company? The line between lust and love is blurred somehow... To me at least. He said before it's like a package. He has desires and emotional needs. It's normal. We both agree. His words always carry thoughts and I do learn from them. I don't want to end now because I can't really confirm anything yet... But he's an honest person who shares stuffs about his family, friends, work etc he's always busy at work thats for sure. If he's only fooling arnd, why would he waste time on me? He lets me try new food that I would never thought of trying, helped me with some stuffs... Arghh I don't know anymore. How should I say to him? I am thinking of standing firm and say,'I don't intend to have sex (until I am ready-should
i say this?)' and see if he dumps me after that. But what if he really waited?

He gave me oral sex by the way... And I gave him handjob... But don't really feel comfortable. But I am most comfortable with kissing him and hugging him. I like that myself a lot.. Just not so much sexual stuffs involved at present... I feel that it shd come naturally if the love is really that strong. Now every time he claims to make me feel good only makes me guilty. Like he made me feel good but I didn't reciprocate...

[IQSnowyX]

i thought rape involve penetration ?

anyway, your age gap with him is quite big.. he is already in the working world while you are still schooling..
The relationship is 3 months only and he started to show his true color already...

just stay guard and who knows...he might be a 'pro' in the dating field..

Pro as in good or bad? Argh it's so confusing as to if he is using me or genuinely wants to be with me cos of his different words and actions. Honestly I don't like it when he displays his sexual side... I feel he'a changed a person or what or maybe I am thinking too much... But he did mention something before that makes me suspect... I expressed my concern about getting dumped after sex and he said it's fine. If get dumped just move on. He said how bad can it go. Like no big deal...
I don't know whether he'a making it as a casual remark but now I just recalled he said this..

[IQSnowyX]

If he did wait for me, then I would feel more pressured to reciprocate by doing it with him. He said that couples nowadays also do it so it's normal. It makes me feel like I am an outcast if I don't do it or I don't like him enough. Oh and he mentioned this 'then i stick my love into you' after I said I should reserve it for marriage or when I am ready. This words somehow made me sick.. I rebutted him of course, saying it'a bullshit that many girls would fall prey just because a guy proves his love by having sex. I voiced out that that never work.
At least I have the sense to tell my bf that lol... Cos what he said 'stick love into me' even if meant as a joke, seems as if he treats this non-seriously... But he's a person who loves his family I can tell... How could he do that to me?

[vashti]

You are kissing a grown man, not a teenage child. Grown men are accustomed to the behaviors you are engaging in to lead to sex. If you don't like it, then stop making out with him. In fact, stop hanging out with him alone. He is too old for you, anyway.

[IQSnowyX]

Why I avoid at this moment:
-Feel that there should be substantial love first
-Risk of getting any diseases
-Having to worry whether I would get pregnant when sometimes couple can get too high and forgot the proper measure; right now because he popped the question, it has affected me and distracted me a little from studies. I don't want to have another thing to worry about.
-He said condom is 100%, if not can use double condom, I'm not so sure about that...
-The feelings of lust and love will blur further
-Having to worry whether he is together with me for sex or really likes me.
-Reserve for my future husband; guys always hope their wives to give their first to them and some would mind

It's not that I don't like sex though... I also have desires, I mean who doesn't? I'm just reserving that special moment with my husband and not just do it out of pleasure alone... Right now I'm only happy to be touched, hugged and kissed and nothing else more than that... Regardless of any relationships I'm going into future. Is there any wrong with this? There's no religious beliefs here. Just a belief in what's true love should be. Do you agree?

I can't say for sure he will love me in future... He's a grown up, knows more stuffs than me and me? I have nothing to offer or improve his life. I can understand how he wldn't love me for that reason if put into his shoes... And also me... Do I be with him just because he cares and makes me special? He did improve my life, as in I know more stuffs thanks to him and it motivated me to improve myself so that I can be more mature or better person.

By the way THANKS all for replying Really appreciate all those comments. They are useful for me.

[IQSnowyX]

But he did care for me, like asking what I like, how I want it to be etc... When he fingers, he also said to let him know if it hurts etc. So I think he really did care for me, if not why would he waste his time (when he could get more chicks or work more) on me. Again, so conflicted. I was trying to convince myself yet I also think otherwise =.=

[searock]

He is too old for you. Obviously you feel uncomfortable. Trust me, break up with him asap and date someone much closer to your age (3 years your senior at most). You'll regret it if you don't.