To Bury The Past or ....?

[barbiedoll]

When in a new relationship,how much of the past should be revealed and when? Should one be very detailed about It no matter how dark it was?
And to guys, how do u really feel about ur girls past (even the dark ones)

[Oh Really :}]

What would worry me about a girl telling me all, is that perhaps she might have a bit too much baggage for me to wanna deal with.

As for how, when and all that, you know what...if you met a new guy and he sweeps you off your feet, you will have better things to think and talk about. Learn from the past, dont live in it

gl

[magguu]

my take -

somebody's past is their past not my past .. if they can leave it behind, why should i stick with it. the exception is when someone's past is so shady that it is downright criminal or if the past has a separation involving kids ... i certainly wouldn't accept someone with incarceration for instance.

but i know that most guys have trouble dealing with their new GF's past. at least most guys i know do have. so play safe and reveal it slowly if at all.

[barbiedoll]

Thanks guys

[Cerby]

Personally, don't ask don't tell. I am not interested in my GFs past numbers or experiences with other people, just as she isn't with mine. What matters is now, and forward. If you feel obligated to tell him something because it might impact the relationship, go ahead. I'd suggest keeping things like numbers out of the conversation completely.

[Boisdevie]

I have to agree with Cerby. My only point would be that sometimes you might have to discuss/bring up certain things because they might affect a relationship. For example, I had to discuss my previous problems with alcohol with my GF because somebody who does not drink at all (like me now) is a little unusual and I wanted to bring up the issue myself rather than the issue coming up some other time.

[johndemi]

In my own opinion. It shouldn't be ask anymore nor tell, because it doesn't bring any advantages. Well for me, I'm not that type of girl who used to ask about the past of my boyfriend. Because what makes it disadvantage is you'll then be comparing yourself to your boyfriend's ex.

[barbiedoll]

Hmmm, thanks so much,I appreciate u all.

[herestolove]

To be honest, my fiancé and I have had a number of long discussions about our pasts, but I think this is a rarity. Most of the time, I don't bring something up unless it has a place for it. For example, in the case of Boisdevie above and choosing not to drink alcohol, that wouldn't be something I bust out with on the first date just as the water is getting poured. But in the proper place and appropriate time, I would bring it up. Anything that has played a big role in your life is worth discussing--it just needs to be at the right time.

[cheekxs]

This is the best and shortest topic that i have ever seen on this website.

very good question!

It makes you think before answer. And the answer seems very difficult to give,all do.........

i think past do matter !
Especially when you are planning to get married. Because what did happen in your whole past and child/teen years have influences on who you are today.
you need to understand the person in order to be living and deal with the person( till dead do us part remember?).

And both need to know who they are dealing with.
Cause people can fall back to their old behavior.And some of their "normal" behavior have to do with their past.
And things they did not get over it yet.
And a more crucial point: when you have kids some of the things both of you did or went true can pass to generations(your kids, and their kids etc..
And its good for them to know and understand themselves knowing that and also to know what "weakness/badness"runs (a lot) or is familiar in the family.
So they can do their best not to go there. Also if they may o there, they often look back to how you did deal with it.
Thats why its very important what and how you deal with your life. From childhood till grave. Cause it have influences not only on yourself
but on your generations!

And what i see a lot in long term relationships , and marriages, is that at a certain point there are problems that the couple dont understand why
the other is acting like that.
And i think many times some are issues from the past that shows up and that need treatment and help.

And i think also that our own conscience tells us when or what we should tell. It keeps "screaming" inside off us that we have to tell certain things.
And we should get it out. Also i think thats why its important to take time to get to know the person!
cause the more you get to know each other people open up more to each other and get to a point to trust each other and
so they may tell each other more about themselves.

And i think if you are going to trust this person with your heart and want to spent the rest of your life with ,you should ask what you want if you dont feel well with it or that it is relevant to ask and know, so you know who or what you are getting yourself
into.

And im talking more of things that did have big impact in ones life. Like how was his childhood, Or why did he got into drugs .
And even some questions about previous relationships may be important. Cause for example :guys that beat woman often did it to their exes also.


And you dont just ask, i think you should ask with in the back of your head to know what kind of person it is and what you can expect.
and if the person had a serious big change in his/her life.( how is his mentality right now/how do you stand in life right now?)

But if its for sex or sleeping around or a just fun relationship i think you should not ask much just lay down! and hit it. hahahaah
And in those kind of relationships a person would not open up to each other much either!

Also if you dont know the person for long he/she will not open up much to you.
Also if the trust is not build.

[cheekxs]

To be honest, my fiancé and I have had a number of long discussions about our pasts, but I think this is a rarity. Most of the time, I don't bring something up unless it has a place for it. For example, in the case of Boisdevie above and choosing not to drink alcohol, that wouldn't be something I bust out with on the first date just as the water is getting poured. But in the proper place and appropriate time, I would bring it up. Anything that has played a big role in your life is worth discussing--it just needs to be at the right time.

Yes i think that 2. Cause if you dont it will keep having a negative influence on the relationship.

[cheekxs]

I dont think you have to hang on the past but move on.


except if its still a issue /problem that need to be talk and treat.

[cheekxs]

One more thing, often while a child is growing up you hear them say to him or her, you are just like you
father or moter.

That often have to do with some things the child do that their parents also did.
some behavior of way of laughing or way of dealing with problems etc.

Or sometimes you hear also like no one in our family is like that, i dont know who this child act like.

Some times i think there are thing they dont know that it was some of the other past behavior or actions.

[barbiedoll]

ThaNx Cheekxz