I was going to ask for advice from you guys here. So I tried to form it in to a question; however, I couldn't. To tell you the truth I don't know what's wrong but I do know that I'm not okay. So I tried to explain my situation without writing out a 10 page letter and came up with the below.
Boy meets girl.
Boy likes likes girl.
A lot of months pass since boy met girl.
Girl meets other boy while with boy.
Boy finds out girl has been messing around.
Boy leaves.
Boy completely ignores girl and cuts her off.
Girl is sad and keeps trying to get back with boy.
Boy stays strong for 2-3 months.
Boy has a moment of weakness and sees girl again.
For only one night.
One night of just cuddling.
Boy is now back with girl.
Love is stronger than ever.
It lasts about 2 months.
Girl leaves boy.
Girl now hates boy.
Girl wants nothing to do with boy for almost no reason.
Girl goes out with new boy the next day.
Boy never stopped loving girl, ever.
Boy realizes that girl hadn't changed.
Girl did the same thing again.
But this time it's different.
Girl is no longer sad.
Girl doesn't want anything to do with boy.
Girl doesn't feel guilty anymore.
Girl has cleared her conscious.
Boy regrets ever going back.
Boy once again want's nothing to do with girl.
Boy knows to stay away.
Boy is away from girl for 10 weeks.
Boy still thinks about girl almost daily.
Boy checks what girl is doing online.
It hurts the boy, but he does it anyway.
Boy want's to stop but he can't.
Boy is hooked to it like a drug.
A thirst for knowledge.
No will power to block girl.
No will power to let it go.
Boy knows it's bad but does it anyway.
Boy hates girl.
Boy knows to stay away.
Boy wants to forget her.
But boy can not.
It is almost as if boy...
Deep, deep, in back of head...
Want's to get back with girl one day.
But boy does not want this.
Boy just wants to forget.
Boy want's to hate girl...
But can not.
Problem now is that even after writing all that out. I still don't know what the problem is. I guess I just needed to let that all out. Or maybe I am looking for a way to move on, knowing I can't. But I already know what everyone will say on that subject and it really doesn't help.
I guess that at least who ever read this learned the moral of the story. Don't ever go back into a broken relationship, ever.