Ok... I will try and write this as openly and honest as i possibly can.
I have been single now for around 8 weeks now, I was the person that suggested "having a break" after a 3 year relationship, where the first 2 years were amazing, the last year not so.
And since the engagement it has been a struggle.. I had become a closed person, not affectionate to my GF and everything she did used to wind me up. everything i did used to wind her up. She had problems with me, but because she didn't like conflict or arguments she wouldn't say them to me in case i react badly to it. For the record i am not violent, nor do i raise my voice. But i am stubborn and don't give in, nor was open to suggestions without giving them a great deal of thought first. She had lost any confidence because of the way i was being, and we had clear the air talks many times in the last 6 months but for some reason i wasn't able to change who, and what i had become. The fun, flirty person that i once was had gone missing. Money was another problem as she didnt have much, and i had a lot, and because of friends bad advice, and the fact my GF wanted to be independent, i stopped paying for things for us to do, because she had also told me that if she had the money, she would spend it on things she wanted to do, as opposed to things i chose for us to do. It was a very difficult final few months.
One day after night shifts, i saw how unhappy she was, i could feel how unhappy i had become and even though now i see the answers, i couldnt do anything to drag us both out of this rut we were in. So i suggested we break up, she moved out 6 days later, and has been loving single life, happy again, partying, online dating, making new friends, exchanging dirty pics with randoms off the internet (this isn't conspiracy she has told me and i have seen pics too) and pulling men whilst out too. She is 27 years old. from the moment she left my house, i have wanted her back. She was the one for me, and i miss her so much. I have tried the old needy thing we all do after a break up. She is adamant we werent well suited, and she no longer loved me. But still cares about me lots "as a friend". I know i should just forget about her and move on, but part of me thinks, the feelings were once there, and if i can get back to the confident person I once was, i can in time win her heart back. my only problem is i believe she has already started seeing someone else and it pains me to even think about it. My heart has healed a lot but i still think about the "what ifs" and i should add she is still in regular contact via texts only and very friendly too.
Am i being stupid in believing i can win her back? Or should i admit defeat and move on...
She did say that she didnt think the feelings would come back, but i also know she is blaming me for the low confident person she became, and she is scared to let me back in cause she thinks that would happen again. I adored her, and did so much for her but rather than be the affectionate person at the start i once was, i showed affection with nice gifts and providing comfort of money/security.
Your thoughts please? be kind too. i know i have messed up so don't need further hurtful comments.