How would most women feel about a 21 year old guy that hasn't had a girlfriend?

[waterman]

I've always had trouble socialising, especially with women. I tend to make friends easily enough at first but then the friendships seem to drift. The same goes for girls, every now and again I'll meet someone nice and then we'll date a couple of times and then I won't hear from them again.
I'm 21 and reaching my third year of university now and I still haven't had a girlfriend/ had sex and it's beginning to worry me now. I'm not unattractive, in fact I am tall and often told by both men and women that I'm good looking. This helps, but I've come to realise how little this counts for when it comes to dating.

It's not like I haven't had opportunities either, now I look back on nights out, dates etc, I can see a few times when if I'd pushed it a little harder I could have taken someone to bed. However I'm the type of person that wants to get comfortable around someone before I sleep with them. When I am feeling confident/sociable I can often do well initially, for example recently I managed to date a model a year older than me (I had a massive confidence boost that week and felt like I could do anything) We went back to hers and kissed etc but I didn't try and undress her etc. The next time I dated her she suddenly became really cold on me and I haven't dated her since. I get the impression that she wanted instant results after the first date and moved on when she didn't get them. In fact I ran into her at college one time and she said hi really awkwardly, and gave me a look that suggested she almost pitied me..

The problem continues, I am extremely nervous about sleeping with a girl for the first time, especially as I won't be very good and they'll be able to tell I haven't done it before. If most girls don't want to see me again if I don't jump into bed with them straight away, I'll bet my left nut that they'll also dispose of me if I can't satisfy them if I go for it and make an attempt. I don't want a string of embarrassing one night stands, I just want a nice girl that can respect me. I've heard female friends talking about when they had boyfriends for months before they slept together and they were 19 and still virgins, and how this was a turn-on for them etc.. why can't I seem to find someone like this?

The thing is, I can be really outgoing and confident at times, when I'm on a date with somebody I can tell they like me and the nervousness fades a lot with this reassurance, however when things get intimate I am suddenly no longer the one in control, which obviously repels most girls. Now when I meet new women I always have this series of failures on my mind, which makes it harder for me to relax, and the idea of sex makes me shake when the time draws near. I have no idea what to do, the older I get the worse it is.

[TheCafeTerrace]

(I know this is 'ask a female', but I thought I'd give my two cents if that's ok.)
Don't worry about it too much mate. When you find the right girl you should be honest and open and I seriously doubt that they will be put off by the fact that you haven't slept with anyone before. For a lot of girls that would actually be a massive plus. You're right to wait for a nice girl who will respect you instead of just going for a string of one-night-stands. I did that in uni, too much probably, and now the only girl I've ever actually liked thinks I'm some sort of man-whore.

Everyone's first time sucks, that's just a fact of life, but if you find someone nice then you'll very quickly get better understanding yours and her rhythmns. They'll be astounded at how you get better every time you sleep with them, and that can only be a good thing.

You'll find someone eventually, hang in there.

[SunsetRainbow]

I'm 20 and I haven't had sex either. But honestly, I tend not to go for guys who haven't been in a relationship (I've been in a few), because it would feel like they don't know what they're doing.

That doesn't mean I speak for the entire female population. You'll find the right girl who'll be okay with it

[waterman]

I'm 20 and I haven't had sex either. But honestly, I tend not to go for guys who haven't been in a relationship (I've been in a few), because it would feel like they don't know what they're doing.

That doesn't mean I speak for the entire female population. You'll find the right girl who'll be okay with it

Thanks for the replies both of you, sunsetrainbow, how would you react if you were to sleep with a guy that you didn't necessarily know beforehand that he hadn't been in a relationship, and you found out afterwards because he wasn't good in bed? would you be okay with that?

[Boisdevie]

If you're 21 and not had sex but it's not for lack of trying then OK. But to get to 21 and not even had a girlfriend seems a bit wierd to me. The whole 'will I be good in bed' thing is another thing. No, given your current outlook you will probably not be able to maintain an erection because you already seem stressed out by the whole idea. You really need to learn to relax. I suspect for most people the first time in bed with somebody else was followed by 'phew, thank god I've done it'. And don't imagine that all people who aren't virgins are good in bed. Not true by a long way.

[waterman]

If you're 21 and not had sex but it's not for lack of trying then OK. But to get to 21 and not even had a girlfriend seems a bit wierd to me. The whole 'will I be good in bed' thing is another thing. No, given your current outlook you will probably not be able to maintain an erection because you already seem stressed out by the whole idea. You really need to learn to relax. I suspect for most people the first time in bed with somebody else was followed by 'phew, thank god I've done it'. And don't imagine that all people who aren't virgins are good in bed. Not true by a long way.

Yeah i know what you mean, but the problem is I didn't really come out of my shell socially until after sixth form so around the age of 18 - 19. By that stage in my experience, dating girls wouldn't have led to a relationship without having sex first, which I was always too nervous to do. The whole stage of having a girlfriend but not having sex until you're ready thing seemed to end around the age of 17 judging by what happened to my friends. I've had some seriously hot women show interest in me, I'm not bragging at all I'm actually quite ashamed that I've had all these opportunities and have ruined them all by not knowing the right way to escalate things.

As for the erection thing, I reckon I could maintain one as it usually has a mind of its own, its my lack of knowledge about the female anatomy that scares me more.

[Boisdevie]

its my lack of knowledge about the female anatomy that scares me more.

No need to be scared about that - the internet will have lots of info on the female anatomy so it's not exactly top secret is it?

[SunsetRainbow]

Thanks for the replies both of you, sunsetrainbow, how would you react if you were to sleep with a guy that you didn't necessarily know beforehand that he hadn't been in a relationship, and you found out afterwards because he wasn't good in bed? would you be okay with that?

I don't think I'd be in that situation because I prefer to get to know the guy first. If I lost my virginity to someone who was a virgin (which is fine, my last boyfriend is a virgin) - then it's all about practise really.
You'll find the right person x

[Maple1714]

21 is a great age to start practicing! Get to it! It will take a little bit of time but you will want to practice as much as possible once you start I had one really sexually experienced BF who showed me soooo much. Each person you are with will be different and will show you different tings they like. All you need to do is find the right girl to give you tips and help you practice!

[flo_22]

I am my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend and he is the same age as you. He admitted this to me after a couple of months, and to be honest, it didnt make much difference to our relationship.

It depends on the girl in question though I suppose. I've only been in 3 relationships, so I'm not really an expert either, plus I had issues with a boyfriend's ex before, so for me, its been nice because I've not really had his exes to worry about.

He's told me that its not as scary and as big of a deal as he thought it would be, so as long as you treat the girl well and be open and honest with her, it really won't matter whether you've had one girlfriend or 100. I think you'll know that she's worth it when you feel comfortable opening up to her.

I think communication, especially with your model girl, is what was lacking. Waiting for the right person is nothing to be ashamed of. You're over-thinking things too much and letting it scare you, I'm like this too, you just have to relax and take a few deep breaths, nothing will be as bad as you expect it to be!

[wilsonjack230]

I am 23 and not having sex

[Boisdevie]

I am 23 and not having sex

I am 48 and I'm having lots of sex.

[waterman]

Well, I've evaluated my situation and I think I will be able to get more opportunities with some attractive women. It might be worth mentioning that one time when I was drunk a girl took me back to hers. I had no idea what to do and was literally shaking, once I made her empty her chest of drawers looking for a condom (she didn't seem fussed about using one..!) I guess all 8 seconds of it counted as sex although I don't like to remember that one.

I've been researching it as much as possible and now my best bet is just to take the best opportunities available. Im sick of this shit.

[buzzer]

It's time to fix yourself.

[sundaygirl]

Ok I've dated an experienced guy and one who is a virgin. The experienced guy was good with his hands and the virgin guy well since he doesn't know anything, he is not that good, BUT as long as you don't look shy or hesitate to make moves you're gonna be fine! stop sweating about it so much, it's not the end of the world, I even have a friend who had sex when he was 28, and he said he was fine and was sweating for nothing before. You'll be fine just be couragous that's all!