Now it's my mum

[MaidenMinx]

In the past I have used here to vent about and ask advice on family and friend relationships. Today I am mostly venting... and I guess looking for advice on whether or not I am being assertive or bitchy.

Brief history of mum (to expain why she is the way she is):
- Dumped on her grandparents from 4 - 14 because her parents divorced = lots of resentment toward her parents and grandparents
- Had me at 17 and has admitted she had me so she could have "her own family that would love and support her unconditionally"
- Had my brothers to an abusive, off the planet tyrant.
- History of physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
- In the last 10 years she has jumped the fence, moved to an area she hates for work and to support / be around my son.

So since I was a child I have felt obligated to be there for her. She constantly expects me to hold her hand through everything. She wants to apply for a loan, but won't do it without me. She wants a new job, I'm expected to write up her resume. She wants to go shopping, I get groaned at if I have something else to do. When it comes to her helping out with my son, if I want her to babysit for a night, I make sure I don't ask for any favours or help for a month before hand so she doesn't feel taken for granted (her words). Most Grandmothers would jump at the chance to spend time with their only grandchild. Oh and just to top it off, my brothers and I are the reason she has no life, even though my youngest brother is 24 next birthday.

Lets jump to yesterday. I've been very good this week and am back on the anti-pot wagon. She decided she would do this too and yesterday was her first day without. I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning. This was my first GP appointment since being diagnosed with Psychogenic seizures. These are treated with psychiatry. To refer me to the public system, she needed to ask all the questions and dredge up all my past crap. It was emotional for me. I was supposed to head straight to mums after my doctor appointment. On the walk over there, my husband called and I ended up bawling my eyes out. While I was climbing the stairs, The bawling went from tears and sobs to wails. My brother ran out on to the top landing to see if I was ok. He asked me what was wrong and I collapsed on the stairs twice not knowing how to say what was getting to me. It took quite a bit of effort to get up the last flight of stairs. All I wanted to do was get to mums and be able to let it out for a bit, just wail away and maybe get a bit of empathy.
I get inside and hear a derisive "what's wrong now?" not being able to find tissues I went into the toilet for loo paper. She comes past and just looks at me with this half disgusted look. I managed to sob out "I just had to dredge through all my shit" she said "oh, is that all" and goes and sits down. This has eased my distress because I was so angry that she could lack compassion to that extent. I try to tall her why it hurts, she gets in a pissing contest with me over who's life is worse. Apparently mine is and always has been awesome because I have a husband that loves me and my son, while she couldn't keep a relationship for more than 4 years.

Hubby came to mums on his lunch break to give me a hug, which made mum more annoyed, though she wouldn't express it to him.
We had to go out after hubby left and I slowly started perking up (my hubby is the best). We had a pleasant time grabbing lunch and taking me where I needed to be. She started window shopping. Eventually I look at my watch and say "we better go or we won't meet (my son) off the bus". She drives us to meet the boys bus, and then took us to the local shops for hot chips (fat fries). While were driving there she starts whinging about how she hadn't been able to do anything that she wanted to get done. I explained the day wasn't over and we could at least get the computing she wanted done. She agreed.

We get back to mine, and my brother was going out to get some wacky tobaccy. He asked mum if she wanted. She responded "How much?". Since that question could relate to cost or quantity my brother responded with "what?". Again she simply said "How much?" with quite a snap to her voice. My bro asked "how much what?" she replied the same way getting angrier. This went on one or 2 more times. I tried to mediate the conversation. Mum said "don't ****ing worry about it" so my brother left. Next thing I know mum is packing up her bits and pieces with the complete shits mumbling something about just ****ing off... something about her being such a pain in the arse... I didn't want to know. So she left.

My brother came back and the venting began. Neither of us could figure out what her problem was which led to venting in general about her, and how much she
drives everyone nuts. At some point, she comes back to get her laptop. I say nothing to her and she leaves...

Then the texts begin.

She had been eaves dropping on our venting. She writes this message about keeping her counsel and some other random stuff. Meanwhile my bro gets a nasty message from her too.

I told her I was still hurting from the lack of compassion I received earlier. Next thing I know we are in this full on text argument ( I didn't want to ring her because I knew I wouldn't be able to be assertive on any level). She continues with how hard it was for her raising me on her own and how no one would help her (really mum? Then why did nan take me every weekend for 2 years so you could have a life?) She tried many times to make excuses for her lack of compassion, at one point claiming she was just trying to get me over it so we could go and do what we needed to do, and kept trying to do the "my life is worse than yours because I never got to do what to do what I wanted and never had support, even though I was happy to have 3 kids to losers that wouldn't stand by me". For the first time ever I didn't cop it lying down. I told her it wasn't my fault that I had support. I also told her it wasn't my fault that I held her back. I tried my "I" statements ( so not the right time) and I told her frequently that I do love her, regardless of the heat of the moment.4

She has been such a drain on me and is very good at creating drama. I decided at the beginning of the year to remove all external drama from my life. I have removed a drama addicted friend out of my life, put my violent brother in his place and mum is the last piece of that. She now refuses to talk to me and most likely expects me to apologise because she is the mother. If I was 16 I could understand that but I am thirty-bloody-two.

Venting done. Bravo to anyone who read the lot. I really needed to get that out of my system.

[HeartIsAching]

MM - I've got a lot of commentary on this, but I don't have time right this minute. Can you be patient? I'll be back in an hour or so.

[MaidenMinx]

No worries. Thank you for reading

[smackie9]

Your mom is at the root of all your evils. It would be in your best interest to cut ties for awhile and keep going to therapy. You are too raw emotionally to have her in your life, and all she is going to do is keep setting you back into a depression. Worry about yourself. Just tell her if she can't get herself into therapy then she need not to contact you again because you need to help yourself first. I had to do that with my mother with her drinking....she was brutal to me growing up and it continued on into my 30's until I finally put my foot down. She finally got help after that.

[jeejee]

I thought heartisaching was coming back with a lot of commentary on this. 3 hours ive been waiting. Shit or get off the pot dude. He said he would only be about an hour, i hope hes ok and hasnt disappeared up his own asshole.

[MaidenMinx]

Rack off jeejee. If I can be patient, and I am the OP then either you can be patient or go annoy someone else.

Thanks Smackie. That basically tells me I am not being a bitch. I have been trying to get mum to get help for a while. Maybe if none of her kids are speaking to her, that may be the rock bottom she needs to hit before she sees that she is her own worst enemy.
I also need to keep reminding myself she is not my responsibility. I keep worrying about how she's coping today, but I know I can't call her to find out without ending up in another shit fight, well, only if I stick to my guns and refuse to apologise for doing nothing wrong.

[HeartIsAching]

I thought heartisaching was coming back with a lot of commentary on this. 3 hours ive been waiting. Shit or get off the pot dude. He said he would only be about an hour, i hope hes ok and hasnt disappeared up his own asshole.

Got caught up in family stuff here. Now it's late, I'm drunk and I'll post tomorrow. Keep your panties on.

[jeejee]

Got caught up in family stuff here. Now it's late, I'm drunk and I'll post tomorrow. Keep your panties on.

Well fair enough, but if i was maiden, i wouldnt be taking advice from someone that gets drunk at 4pm on a thursday. For the record i dont wear panties, i generally go commando as i like the freedom.

Maybe next time your fingers wont write cheques that your mouth cant cash. I never read the op, but what if it was an emergency and you would rather go get drunk when you said you would help her out. Maybe you should get some help with your alcohol problem, as it seems to be affecting your work as well as your family life. The first step is always the hardest. Good luck man.

[smackie9]

Rack off jeejee. If I can be patient, and I am the OP then either you can be patient or go annoy someone else.

Thanks Smackie. That basically tells me I am not being a bitch. I have been trying to get mum to get help for a while. Maybe if none of her kids are speaking to her, that may be the rock bottom she needs to hit before she sees that she is her own worst enemy.
I also need to keep reminding myself she is not my responsibility. I keep worrying about how she's coping today, but I know I can't call her to find out without ending up in another shit fight, well, only if I stick to my guns and refuse to apologise for doing nothing wrong.

That is hardest part.....letting go of all that guilt. All those years she has manipulated you into feeling guilt...it's still raw with me today, but I'm much better than I was 15 years ago.

[cheekxs]

Where are you from?

And you may not like my reply. but i dont care.
You aske for it and i give it to you.

Why do you tell us the whole story of yesterday?
Is that day your problem? Or your mom the whole time?

And you know i know that parents may make some mistakes and some stuff their kids will not like.
And kids do the same!

In your case i see you are mother and i see you know very much about what your mom have been true/.
so far that you putted in a list.

So you are aware of it.
I think you must know that some of the things your mother do , i dont think its because she
is like that or want to be like that.
But i think cause of her history, she became that way.
And lack of compassion may have to do with the abuse.
Going true hard bad stuff like that people can create a way of shut down their emotions so they can not feel
or feel much so they can service somehow the hurt.

I think your mom is very hurt and destroyed emotionally also cause of all that history hers.
I think she feel like she did her best even if it wasn't a good life she head.
But she feels like nobody understand that or appreciate her.
I think she may be still worry about the time she was going true it all and no body did have a eye for her emotional pain.etc.
And helped her the way she expected.
Maybe it was her mom she still want her to recognize her effort.

I dont know how old you are.
But i think sometimes what ever a parent do, the kids can come and say they did not like this and that.
You are a mom also. So you may know how it may feel as a daughter and as a mother!

I dont think children should keep charging their parents for everything they did!
Cause especially a mother go true so much. sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much shit!
Just to protect and take care of her kids!
And to give them the best. But they dont tell you all they have been true so you can still alive and act the way you act and married and have kids and go out and have fun.
But some of the stuff they share with you.
Some they go with them to their grave!

I think there are horrible parents, and children!
But i believe also that there is a moment that both need to reconcile and talk about things that keep worry them about their childhood.
Or some decisions they did not like.
And make up.
I believe you need to forgive your mother! and once you understand that she did not get true all that hurt.
and some of her behavior is cause of the things she went true, so till she finds healing and work on it and go for it
she may have some change in her behavior.

But you need to find a way to deal with her , without taking that part that you dont like as something personal!
She may be all wrong. But you need to see that eater way, she is the one that give birth to you! Bad or good, she did take care of you so you can grow up and
send vents on this website.
She is your mother!(if she die one day you will have no replacement!)!
And parents are not perfect or hero's. They learn everyday and do their best to give what they have and KNOW to their kids.
So if you during your life time finds things you think you can do better. Do it,!!!!!! and embrace it.
And share it.

Its so helpless to sit and complain all the time about what your parents did wrong.
You have kids, and you are a parent now, if you are that good, make it happen now that you have the parents shoes on!
And lets see if you are that perfect!

I think you need to pray for yourself and your mom and your kids and brothers.
And if you think your mom have lack of compassion , you have compassion ? Give it her,show it to her!
She dont huge you much? You hug her 10.000 time more!
She dont kiss you ,kiss her 10.000 times her. etc.etc.

Like if you see she dont have it, and you do have it give it to her, show it to her.
Cause at the end she cant give you what she dont have or cant give.

And one day ,it will be good for you ,your mom, and maybe later her other children, sit down and bring down those walls and things that
are standing in you all relationship with each other.
maybe that can be part of your therapy.

And im shore your mom have some good parts also in her! that you enjoy right? try to highlight them.
and once in a while let her know how much you appreciate her for doing her best to raise you, so you can be here today.
Tell her spontaneous, something nice she did, how good you felt.
Or bring up a great nice memory of your child hood, of something nice she did.
And even if she maybe start with negativity, keep your voice calm and nice and let her know how great it was for you and thanx her for that.

I think she wants recognition also for what she did for you guys.
it have not to be your job or that you guys feels like you have to be like that for your mom.
but just be spontaneous, about good and positive stuff.
Instead of keep the negativity going on.
And for shore its up to you mom to find the and take the help she needs so she can have a more relaxing life.

[cheekxs]

or feel much so they can SURVIVE somehow the hurt.

[cheekxs]

And many people talk like that. they think and act like their mom need /have to take care of their grandson.

But its not a obligation. she raised you, that's enough. the rest is a gift if they want to babysit your kids!
dont act like its her duty as a grandma or she have to or it most be for free!
and she also have her own things to do! so its your child your responsibility.

and if grandma wants to help. great!

[asdfg789]

@MM. I wish I can say something helpful but I'm at a loss at how to deal with my mom as well.

@cheekxs, I hope typing all that makes you feel better cos I don't think it helped anyone else.

[HeartIsAching]

Alright, MM - sorry about the delay. I'm going to chop this up a bit and answer things in the order you laid out.

In the past I have used here to vent about and ask advice on family and friend relationships. Today I am mostly venting... and I guess looking for advice on whether or not I am being assertive or bitchy.

Brief history of mum (to expain why she is the way she is):
- Dumped on her grandparents from 4 - 14 because her parents divorced = lots of resentment toward her parents and grandparents
- Had me at 17 and has admitted she had me so she could have "her own family that would love and support her unconditionally"
- Had my brothers to an abusive, off the planet tyrant.
- History of physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
- In the last 10 years she has jumped the fence, moved to an area she hates for work and to support / be around my son.

To begin with, I understand your brothers' behavior better now. Abusive behavior is learned young. Your mom's abusive, and won't get better without help... accept that and you're on your way. She's got separation issues, and has applied her socialized (learned) abusive behaviors to her relationships with you and your siblings - probably your father too. I'm not saying he's innocent in this, this is just what I've seen so far.

She had you at 17 so she could have her own family that was unconditionally loving - this is an unreasonable expectation. She put it on you, and used coercion through guilt and emotional abuse (at least).

So since I was a child I have felt obligated to be there for her. She constantly expects me to hold her hand through everything. She wants to apply for a loan, but won't do it without me. She wants a new job, I'm expected to write up her resume. She wants to go shopping, I get groaned at if I have something else to do. When it comes to her helping out with my son, if I want her to babysit for a night, I make sure I don't ask for any favours or help for a month before hand so she doesn't feel taken for granted (her words). Most Grandmothers would jump at the chance to spend time with their only grandchild. Oh and just to top it off, my brothers and I are the reason she has no life, even though my youngest brother is 24 next birthday.

Great examples of control through emotional abuse and guilt. Anytime you want something from her, she gets to exert pressure. Anytime she wants something from you, if you show any signs of independence (like not wanting to go shopping) she exerts a bit more pressure. I'm also guessing that it's been slowly escalating over the years. There's a good chance that it will escalate further as your independence grows. Dunno if she's prone to violence or not, but from your brothers' actions, I'll bet she is, if so watch out for it.

Lets jump to yesterday. I've been very good this week and am back on the anti-pot wagon. She decided she would do this too and yesterday was her first day without. I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning. This was my first GP appointment since being diagnosed with Psychogenic seizures. These are treated with psychiatry. To refer me to the public system, she needed to ask all the questions and dredge up all my past crap. It was emotional for me. I was supposed to head straight to mums after my doctor appointment. On the walk over there, my husband called and I ended up bawling my eyes out. While I was climbing the stairs, The bawling went from tears and sobs to wails. My brother ran out on to the top landing to see if I was ok. He asked me what was wrong and I collapsed on the stairs twice not knowing how to say what was getting to me. It took quite a bit of effort to get up the last flight of stairs. All I wanted to do was get to mums and be able to let it out for a bit, just wail away and maybe get a bit of empathy.
I get inside and hear a derisive "what's wrong now?" not being able to find tissues I went into the toilet for loo paper. She comes past and just looks at me with this half disgusted look. I managed to sob out "I just had to dredge through all my shit" she said "oh, is that all" and goes and sits down. This has eased my distress because I was so angry that she could lack compassion to that extent. I try to tall her why it hurts, she gets in a pissing contest with me over who's life is worse. Apparently mine is and always has been awesome because I have a husband that loves me and my son, while she couldn't keep a relationship for more than 4 years.

By belittling your feelings, she gets to be dismissive... and by comparing them to hers and telling your that hers are more important, she's also displaying deep insecurities. It's hurtful I know, but understand that it's her trying to keep the attention on herself, as well as the fact that you getting better is threatening to her. Whether she knows it consciously or not, your recovery will weaken the control she has over you and she finds that frightening, and fright turns to anger.

Hubby came to mums on his lunch break to give me a hug, which made mum more annoyed, though she wouldn't express it to him.
We had to go out after hubby left and I slowly started perking up (my hubby is the best). We had a pleasant time grabbing lunch and taking me where I needed to be. She started window shopping. Eventually I look at my watch and say "we better go or we won't meet (my son) off the bus". She drives us to meet the boys bus, and then took us to the local shops for hot chips (fat fries). While were driving there she starts whinging about how she hadn't been able to do anything that she wanted to get done. I explained the day wasn't over and we could at least get the computing she wanted done. She agreed.

Your mom got annoyed at your husband because he is a threat to her control. By supporting you, he strengthens your independence and soothes your own insecurities - nothing helps insecurities like a partner that loves and supports you.

We get back to mine, and my brother was going out to get some wacky tobaccy. He asked mum if she wanted. She responded "How much?". Since that question could relate to cost or quantity my brother responded with "what?". Again she simply said "How much?" with quite a snap to her voice. My bro asked "how much what?" she replied the same way getting angrier. This went on one or 2 more times. I tried to mediate the conversation. Mum said "don't ****ing worry about it" so my brother left. Next thing I know mum is packing up her bits and pieces with the complete shits mumbling something about just ****ing off... something about her being such a pain in the arse... I didn't want to know. So she left.

Your mom had an unreasonable expectation that he would know what she meant. One of the hallmarks of being abused (and in turn abusing) is assuming that the other person means harm when they say things - taking it the wrong way. When she left, she was using guilt so she could further coerce you in the future.

My brother came back and the venting began. Neither of us could figure out what her problem was which led to venting in general about her, and how much she
drives everyone nuts. At some point, she comes back to get her laptop. I say nothing to her and she leaves...

Then the texts begin.

She had been eaves dropping on our venting. She writes this message about keeping her counsel and some other random stuff. Meanwhile my bro gets a nasty message from her too.

I told her I was still hurting from the lack of compassion I received earlier. Next thing I know we are in this full on text argument ( I didn't want to ring her because I knew I wouldn't be able to be assertive on any level). She continues with how hard it was for her raising me on her own and how no one would help her (really mum? Then why did nan take me every weekend for 2 years so you could have a life?) She tried many times to make excuses for her lack of compassion, at one point claiming she was just trying to get me over it so we could go and do what we needed to do, and kept trying to do the "my life is worse than yours because I never got to do what to do what I wanted and never had support, even though I was happy to have 3 kids to losers that wouldn't stand by me". For the first time ever I didn't cop it lying down. I told her it wasn't my fault that I had support. I also told her it wasn't my fault that I held her back. I tried my "I" statements ( so not the right time) and I told her frequently that I do love her, regardless of the heat of the moment.4

She has been such a drain on me and is very good at creating drama. I decided at the beginning of the year to remove all external drama from my life. I have removed a drama addicted friend out of my life, put my violent brother in his place and mum is the last piece of that. She now refuses to talk to me and most likely expects me to apologise because she is the mother. If I was 16 I could understand that but I am thirty-bloody-two.

Venting done. Bravo to anyone who read the lot. I really needed to get that out of my system.

Again, the real motivator here is fear - she realized when eavesdropping that her behavior isn't getting the results she wants. She realized that her control was slipping, and that frightened her, and fright usually expresses as rage.

You're not wrong to be trying to distance yourself from that, you're not being bitchy at all. I think what you need is to attend some Al-Anon meetings (if they have those in Oz), as they'll give you some really good tools for dealing with your mother - not necessarily alcohol related, but the tools are good.

Your mom won't get better without help... and here's the kicker - neither will you. You've taken the step of getting some help, and I applaud you for that. Stick with it for a bit, don't give up. If you don't like your therapist, find another.

If you'd like, I can PM you my email address for more personal communication.

[MaidenMinx]

I usually ignore you cheekx, but you have come into a thread I started spouting your shit so I'm gonna give it to you with both barrels.

Firstly, learn to ****ing spell, moron. My mum has been THROUGH a lot, not TRUE a lot.

Where are you from?

Are you stupid? Oh you're American so it's likely (no offence intended to the intelligent Americans. You know who you are, and you know I think you're intelligent and insightful). Look at the little flag under my name. If you don't know where it's from that just confirms your ignorance

And you may not like my reply. but i dont care.
You aske for it and i give it to you.

Why do you tell us the whole story of yesterday?
Is that day your problem? Or your mom the whole time?

That day is the catalyst for how I feel at the moment. More often than not my mum and I get along well, until she tries to be, or I want her to be, my mother. We are generally great friends.

And you know i know that parents may make some mistakes and some stuff their kids will not like.
And kids do the same!

Well duh. We are human. I'm still waiting to see what your point to this wall of text is.

In your case i see you are mother and i see you know very much about what your mom have been true/.
so far that you putted in a list.

Sure, but everyone has their shit and it's up to them to cope with it and not blame the rest of the world for their problems. And if you had half a clue what I have been through, you might not be so quick to defend her. She was a shocking mother when I was a kid. Emotionally and mentally abusive to me, and after I left home she took to hitting my brothers with chairs and belt buckles. So how much empathy should I give her?

So you are aware of it.
I think you must know that some of the things your mother do , i dont think its because she
is like that or want to be like that.
But i think cause of her history, she became that way.
And lack of compassion may have to do with the abuse.
Going true hard bad stuff like that people can create a way of shut down their emotions so they can not feel
or feel much so they can service somehow the hurt.

Yeah and that is a fantastic attitude to raise kids with. Just once I would like to see her try to help herself and get over her shit, but she simply doesn't want to. She'd rather just wallow in it.

I think your mom is very hurt and destroyed emotionally also cause of all that history hers.
I think she feel like she did her best even if it wasn't a good life she head.
But she feels like nobody understand that or appreciate her.
I think she may be still worry about the time she was going true it all and no body did have a eye for her emotional pain.etc.
And helped her the way she expected.
Maybe it was her mom she still want her to recognize her effort.

No shit Sherlock. And as for recognising her effort, I tell her all the time, she did the best she could with what we had. She just grunts at me.

I dont know how old you are.

This just proves you can't read....

]But i think sometimes what ever a parent do, the kids can come and say they did not like this and that.
You are a mom also. So you may know how it may feel as a daughter and as a mother!

This is a choice!!! I treat my boy completely differently from how either of my parents treated me. It's up to the individual whether they want to get stuck in trhe same old habits or start new ones. She chose her life and it's not my responsibility to clean it up for her.

I dont think children should keep charging their parents for everything they did!

Charging? She's not a credit card.

Its so helpless to sit and complain all the time about what your parents did wrong.
You have kids, and you are a parent now, if you are that good, make it happen now that you have the parents shoes on!
And lets see if you are that perfect!

Yeah, I bitch and moan all the time, I'm such a downer.../ sarcasm Dickhead. This has been drudged up recently, once again, learn to read...AND SPELL.

I think you need to pray for yourself and your mom and your kids and brothers.

How bout you do that, psycho christian?

And if you think your mom have lack of compassion , you have compassion ? Give it her,show it to her!

I have and I am drained. There is only so much you can give without some form of reciprocation.

She dont huge you much? You hug her 10.000 time more!
She dont kiss you ,kiss her 10.000 times her. etc.etc.

I would if she would let me. She has always shunned my affection, and I mean always!

Like if you see she dont have it, and you do have it give it to her, show it to her.

see above

Cause at the end she cant give you what she dont have or cant give.

And one day ,it will be good for you ,your mom, and maybe later her other children, sit down and bring down those walls and things that
are standing in you all relationship with each other.
maybe that can be part of your therapy.

Any time we try to talk about our child hood, she takes it as a personal affront, no matter how it worded. Basically, she knows she was a ****ed parent and refuses to face it, just like everything else in her life. And as I say that, don't get me wrong, I appreciate a lot she did for me. The biggest thing she as ever done for me it shown me what not to be.

And im shore your mom have some good parts also in her! that you enjoy right? try to highlight them.

I've been doing that for half my life, ignoring the bad, focusing on the good. It's not good for me, I need to face the areas of my life that need improving, and one of those areas is my relationship with my mum. I am tired of walking on eggshells around her for fear of upsetting her, or sending her into depression. That is not how families are supposed to be, not supportive ones anyway.

and once in a while let her know how much you appreciate her for doing her best to raise you, so you can be here today.

I have. She grunts and doesn't believe me.

Tell her spontaneous, something nice she did, how good you felt.
Or bring up a great nice memory of your child hood, of something nice she did.
And even if she maybe start with negativity, keep your voice calm and nice and let her know how great it was for you and thanx her for that.

Just why am I supposed to be boosting her up when she raised me to believe I was a stupid nuisance that got in the way of her life? I left home with no self esteem or self worth and have spent a lot of time working on that, and only recently have I started feeling like a worthwhile human being. So, again, why should I be responsible for boosting her up?

I think she wants recognition also for what she did for you guys.

Just one last time, so it might get through that afro of yours into your tiny tiny brain. I give it, she scorns it.

it have not to be your job or that you guys feels like you have to be like that for your mom.
but just be spontaneous, about good and positive stuff.

We do. All the time. This is the first time in over a decade I have said anything to mum about how she makes me feel at times. I'm over feeling guilty for what I feel

Instead of keep the negativity going on.
And for shore its up to you mom to find the and take the help she needs so she can have a more relaxing life.

If anyone in this family keeps the negativity rolling it is my mother. I will eradicate all negativity from my life, even if it means walking away from half of my family. I wouldn't be the first to do it, and I wouldn't be the last either.

So take you half arsed opinions and shove them up that arse. You are not insightful, you are not helpful. I am yet to see a post of yours where you offer even a modicum (oh, you might have to look that up, sorry about that... no I'm not) of advice that is useful. You are a waste of text in this place. Get yourself a dictionary and half a brain and maybe someone will listen to you. You really are a troll, even if you don't know it. So go back under your bridge and back to harassing billy goats.