Questioning morals if you had sex with engaged/married person.

[IndiReloaded]

I suppose it is enabling, and even profiting. If you are committed or married, it is 100% your responsibility to stay faithful. End of.

I agree, it is the responsibility of the married/committed person to stay faithful to the vows *they* took. But it doesn't make you a good person to knowingly enable someone to cheat. It makes you, as you say, a profiteer. I suppose you think its not your problem to give an alcoholic a drink, or any other number of similar examples. I bet you drive a big huge SUV also.

Tragedy of the Commons, Stung. Don't be surprised if your grazing ways gets you shot someday.

[IndiReloaded]

The key is to swim in water that is at your own level.

That's not the saying, Wakeup. LOL, if you are going to repeat Vash's quote, at least understand it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I was waiting for someone to chime in with the giving an alcoholic a drink argument. They're responsible for their actions too. If an adult wants a drink, I'll pour one up for them. It's all about want and desire. Are you holding liquor stores responsible for creating alcoholics? If someone does something, then generally it's because they want to. I'm responsible for my actions, and I wholly accept the consequences of them, so I don't see a problem with holding everyone else to the same standard.

Indi, with regard to the Tragedy of Commons, I'm not seeing what common resource I'm depleting, but I agree it's acting in self interest with no long term benefit. My grazing ways could possibly get me shot, but it's about as likely as winning the lottery. I live in Colorado, so there's quite a bit of snow and mountains, but I only have a mid-size V6 SUV, so no, not big-huge.

[toshiba]

The problem, as op has found out is when you fall for someone who has boundaries and integrity and they find your actions and attitude about it reprehensible to the point of not wanting anything else to do with you.

What I have to work on is acting appropriately now that I found someone I am "falling for". BTW, I have basically never "fallen" for anyone until now. Yeah, some say it should come "naturally", but after quite a while of doing the "minimum" (crude... but for lack of better word) for people I was on the fence about (I am sure this comment will enrage some), it takes some focus.

Past relationships (besides first LTR) have mostly started with someone having "potential", or feeling "pretty good about" and seeing how it goes. This girl I can say nothing but great things about to everyone, actually holding back as to not make myself vulnerable.

So if you caught your woman in bed with another man, you wouldn't be angry with the guy?

Nope, not one bit, it's 100% her responsibility to remain faithful to me. If it wasnt with him, it would have been someone else and all her fault! Assume no one has morals.

[IndiReloaded]

Assume no one has morals.

You made your position clear on responsibility, but I don't see how this^ follows. Surely you assume everyone does until proven otherwise? If not, then you would never agree to be exclusive with anyone. Perhaps you don't.

[Wakeup]

That's not the saying, Wakeup. LOL, if you are going to repeat Vash's quote, at least understand it.

I wasn't quoting vash, and I meant what I said. Thanks for reading.

[VincenzoG91]

Vincenzo, I wouldn't treat him as a friend, but I wouldn't beat his ass or anything either. I don't view it as his fault. At all. My girl is the one with the commitment to me, not this random guy. The other person is not the one that ruined the relationship; the person who cheats did.

I would expect a large percentage of guys to want to beat the other man's ass, but that's often the same type of insecurity that leads to their girl looking elsewhere in the first place. I know it has been in all 3 cases that I've been involved in.

I realize this topic is close to you. Your girl was a whore, and all that guy did is expose her for you. Being with her that long, you had to be thinking marriage..aren't you glad you didn't marry her?
I'm interested to know how you view your situation, and where you place the blame?

I blame her the most, but he knew about me for years. For years he tried to blackmail her into breaking up with me, and on the day she finally moved out on me, he thought it would be funny to steal my shoes while helping her move. She had her flaws, but she was never a thief. Even then, she couldn't quit me. I thought she moved in with her cousin Julia, who never liked me. So I was happy enough that at least we started dating again, and figured that she would move back in eventually. Eleven months later, this guy finally works up the nerve to introduce himself to me. I knew something had been wrong for a long time, but I didn't expect that. Yeah, I'm glad that I didn't marry her, but this guy didn't do me any favors. He was a selfish, lying, manipulative coward.

[IndiReloaded]

I wasn't quoting vash, and I meant what I said. Thanks for reading.

I'm sure you did, but it made no sense. You are one of those people who reads what other people post and then it resurfaces weeks/months later. Not the 1st time I've seen it from you. Not to worry, its common not to recall sources, even with academics (who should know better) and you aren't. Thought you might be interested to know your own mind (or not). Shrug.

[IndiReloaded]

He was a selfish, lying, manipulative coward.

Kudos Vince. What a fantastic self-justification argument, Stung is trying. Borderline narccisstic even. LOL. So, Vince, you're supposed to be *grateful* to this guy for showing her to be the horribly immoral woman she was.

Really, Stung? I suppose that thieves and other criminals should be thanked for showing the rest of society how weak and vulnerable we are. I suppose that's true right up until we round them up and ship them all off to Australia (or the moon next, I suppose) for disrupting society to an unacceptable level.

Are you aware of the extrapolation argument for determining whether an act is immoral or not? Basically, it says that if you can extend the behaviour to everyone in society and everyone is happy (noone is hurt) then it can be considered moral. Try it and see where you get with guys (and gals) who prey on committed but vulnerable people for sex.

[Maple1714]

Vince - I'm sorry you fell in love with a weak woman It was both of their faults. They both knowingly hurt you.

Backup - when you participate in any activity, knowing it could cause emotional pain to another, you are at fault. Period.

[haxan]

I didn't read much more into the guys confession than he had one last romp in the sack with an ex lover before they parted ways forever. Both wanted it and it was done and over. I actually didn't think it was rare, you know, goodbye sex, for lack of a better term.

[MaidenMinx]

I suppose that's true right up until we round them up and ship them all off to Australia (or the moon next, I suppose) for disrupting society to an unacceptable level.

Oi! Australia has a migration policy now. Criminals are now only let in with approval. :p

[IndiReloaded]

I didn't read much more into the guys confession than he had one last romp in the sack with an ex lover before they parted ways forever. Both wanted it and it was done and over. I actually didn't think it was rare, you know, goodbye sex, for lack of a better term.

Haxan, I respectfully disagree. She was already engaged when they had that last fling. That means she was seeing her fiance for, I assume, at least a while. People generally don't get engaged to strangers.

Goodbye sex is when *you* are leaving the committed relationship (i.e. no cheating). God, I sound like such a stodgy, stuckup prig, but really, when you commit to marrying someone don't you think you should be faithful? Not the vows yet, but their spirit at least?

[IndiReloaded]

Oi! Australia has a migration policy now. Criminals are now only let in with approval. :p

Oi! I'm joking. As Mish also knows, if I were free to move where I pleased, I'd be in Oz in a heartbeat. Someday.

[MaidenMinx]

Oi! I'm joking. As Mish also knows, if I were free to move where I pleased, I'd be in Oz in a heartbeat. Someday.

It's pretty bloody nice here, but then again I'm biased.
PS I knew you were joking. I just couldn't resist a chance to say oi! online basically.